Girlfriends brother is taking out a loan for his wedding through her?

FBaby

So she has the money saved as an emergency to repay the loan if it comes to it(not sure why you said in your first post that neither of you had any cash flow of savings). Why is it such an issue for you then? I would be annoyed too if my partner kept nagging me about what I do with my money in regards to my family when it doesn't affect him directly in any way. You have a mortgage together, but the payment of it is not under threat. You are not married though so you have no right to insist on what she does with her money. You have already shared your views, she has taken them into account, but has made it clear that she wants to go ahead with it. Time to butt out even though you don't agree.

whitecloud663

FBaby wrote: »

So she has the money saved as an emergency to repay the loan if it comes to it(not sure why you said in your first post that neither of you had any cash flow of savings). Why is it such an issue for you then? I would be annoyed too if my partner kept nagging me about what I do with my money in regards to my family when it doesn't affect him directly in any way. You have a mortgage together, but the payment of it is not under threat. You are not married though so you have no right to insist on what she does with her money. You have already shared your views, she has taken them into account, but has made it clear that she wants to go ahead with it. Time to butt out even though you don't agree.

I agree it isn't up to me on what she does with her money, all I can do is advise. But you have to realise that I am financially tied to her as well it can impact me too if the loan isn't repaid etc. I was only told about the savings she has 2 days ago. I was not previously aware of it.

ViolaLass

whitecloud663 wrote: »

Please can you guys explain you can smell a 'rat?' Yes she has 6k in savings but that's for emergencies...

Because she'll pay more in interest on the loan than she'll earn on her savings. Financially speaking it's a daft thing to do.

SuzieSue

whitecloud663 wrote: »

Please can you guys explain you can smell a 'rat?' .

I wouldn't worry about it. It is quite normal for people not to believe posters on this forum. For some reason a lot of regular posters think that new posters are trolls and to be fair we do get more than our fair share of trolls.

However, there is nothing you have said that makes me think that you are a troll, so just ignore the other posters. Don't try and justify yourself to them as you will never win. Once they think you are a troll that is it and you will just be wasting your fingers.

SuzieSue

ViolaLass wrote: »

Because she'll pay more in interest on the loan than she'll earn on her savings. Financially speaking it's a daft thing to do.

Yes it is but I can see why she is doing it for the non-financial reasons the OP has given.

FBaby

I was only told about the savings she has 2 days ago

Have you seen proof of it, or is she saying this so you can back off? I would be much more concerned that she would have kept that secret, whilst making up stories then I would be about her intention to give whatever amount to her brother. Are you sure you want to marry her?

whitecloud663

FBaby wrote: »

Have you seen proof of it, or is she saying this so you can back off? I would be much more concerned that she would have kept that secret, whilst making up stories then I would be about her intention to give whatever amount to her brother. Are you sure you want to marry her?

Yes I did see proof of the ISA containing the 6k. I was quite sure but now if she puts her family needs first rather than us as a couple, i.e. her brother may ask for more money so he can get a BMW on finance then I just cannot marry her.

I can't even talk about the topic with her any more, every time I bring it up she gets angry and has now told me she is unsure of me. I know its because of the stress she is going through (her family putting her under stress because of her brothers wedding). I just can't help but think that 6k is better spent on more important things like our flat or our wedding! My blood is boiling and I just don't know what to do?!

nash1977

whitecloud663 wrote: »

her brother may ask for more money so he can get a BMW on finance then I just cannot marry her.

Why would the brother get a BMW when he has a job lined up in Canada and the happy couple are going there to live???

whitecloud663

nash1977 wrote: »

Why would the brother get a BMW when he has a job lined up in Canada and the happy couple are going there to live???

Well I was being sarcastic but with her brothers mentality I wouldn't be surprised if he did buy a BMW on finance. I feel bad because it has soured our relationship because I just can't respect him.

SuzieSue

whitecloud663 wrote: »

Yes I did see proof of the ISA containing the 6k. I was quite sure but now if she puts her family needs first rather than us as a couple, i.e. her brother may ask for more money so he can get a BMW on finance then I just cannot marry her.

I can't even talk about the topic with her any more, every time I bring it up she gets angry and has now told me she is unsure of me. I know its because of the stress she is going through (her family putting her under stress because of her brothers wedding). I just can't help but think that 6k is better spent on more important things like our flat or our wedding! My blood is boiling and I just don't know what to do?!

Most couples do not agree exactly with how money should be spent and I am sure many couples split up for that reason. You would be every lucky if you both agreed on everything and if you liked all your inlaws.

However, from what you have said (we obviously can't hear your gf's side), it does seem as if she is putting her family before you. This happens in lots of relationships and cultures (one of my white British friends ended her relationship because she felt that her white British partner was too close to his brother and that he always put him first).

Family is more important in some cultures than in others and it seems to be very important in your gf's culture. You need to decide if you can cope with this.