Girlfriends brother is taking out a loan for his wedding through her?

SuzieSue

FBaby wrote: »

Indeed, in regards to how he expects to spend HIS money, but here we are talking about her money, so how does it work that his culture should dictate how she spends her money?

But they have a mortgage together so are in a committed relationship as if they were married. What she does with her money affects him and vice versa so I assume that if he wanted to take out a loan in his name only he would ask her permission, not just take it out unilaterally.

whitecloud663

FBaby wrote: »

You want to help her to suit you (your worry), not her. You say you want to marry her, have you discussed how you will deal with finances? You say you pay 50/50, do you have a joint account?

Yes we have a joint account and mortgage.

whitecloud663

Hi guys,

Firstly thank you all for the advice. It has really helped me see things a in clear perspective and potential issues that need addressing both financially and culturally.

I have an update that I would like to share. I had a long and through discussion with my girlfriend last night and I'm glad to say I feel much more relieved, although not completely.

Regarding the financial matter, she showed me an ISA account, in which she has £6k in savings. She says this is her 'emergency' fund so god forbid if anything does happen, in that she cannot pay back the loan, she does have security.

She also said that she's fairly confident that her brother will pay her back but I'm still rather sceptical about that. According to her, she will have to pay for the first 3-4 months until her brother can get on his feet and he will start to pay back there on.
I guess worse comes to worse, she'll just be giving (an extremely) expensive wedding present should it be that he is unable to pay back. I should have also mentioned that she's currently paying off a credit card debt (its now interest free as she has had a balance transfer done) in the amount of £4k. In the past 2 years or so she has cut down the debt by more than half and I do trust her on this. It was not her fault that she was in debt (again past family issue that put her in debt) and in her defence she isn't wreck-less and has been really working hard to pay off the debt as soon as she can. However, I still do feel that taking out another loan would inevitably hinder her ability to save and therefore our ability to move forward financially and staircase our flat to 100% etc.

We had also talked about our cultural differences. I made it clear that I cannot be in a relationship that is dictated or influenced by family and she also agreed with me. She stated that her family will not do anything of the sort but it seems like that because of her brothers irresponsibility, concerning his wedding. I also reconfirmed that taking out a loan for a wedding is absolutely stupid and she agreed. What has happened is that her brother actually does not want her to take out a loan at all. But because he is unable to take charge of the finances, my girlfriend and her mother have told him that the money is coming from the re-mortgaging of the house but its actually coming from my girlfriend. They believe this is the best option for them. That said, my girlfriend has doubts on whether her brother is even emotionally ready for marriage and may convince the parents to put the wedding on hold.

I believe when it comes to cultural customs and traditions we are somewhat on the same page. I have always been quite practical and she's starting to think like me too over the time we have been together. I guess she is just stuck between me and her family and is doing her best to please them even though she doesn't agree with them.

FatVonD

whitecloud663 wrote: »

Regarding the financial matter, she showed me an ISA account, in which she has £6k in savings. She says this is her 'emergency' fund so god forbid if anything does happen, in that she cannot pay back the loan, she does have security.

She also said that she's fairly confident that her brother will pay her back but I'm still rather sceptical about that. According to her, she will have to pay for the first 3-4 months until her brother can get on his feet and he will start to pay back there on.

If she has £6,000 in savings then she isn't taking out a loan (as stated by you in your first post and throughout this thread) so she won't need to make any repayments.

I smell a rat.

ViolaLass

I agree with FatVonD - why on earth would she take out a loan if she has the money in the bank?

nash1977

I smell a rat too.

The OP has created the same topic in Loans and apparently the happy couple are moving to Canada to live.

I am of Indian origin and what you have written about Indian culture is pretty much s!!!!!. And since when does a wedding in India cost £12k??? (from your loans post)

Barneysmom

Aside, I've never been to an Indian wedding. I'd love to, I bet it's awesome.

nash1977

The best part of Indian weddings is the women in sarees

ViolaLass

nash1977 wrote: »

I smell a rat too.

The OP has created the same topic in Loans and apparently the happy couple are moving to Canada to live.

I am of Indian origin and what you have written about Indian culture is pretty much s!!!!!. And since when does a wedding in India cost £12k??? (from your loans post)

I played at a wedding in Mumbai a couple of years ago. Given that the receiving line took around 3 hours, I wouldn't be surprised at it costing well more than £12k.

whitecloud663

FatVonD wrote: »

If she has £6,000 in savings then she isn't taking out a loan (as stated by you in your first post and throughout this thread) so she won't need to make any repayments.

I smell a rat.

ViolaLass wrote: »

I agree with FatVonD - why on earth would she take out a loan if she has the money in the bank?

nash1977 wrote: »

I smell a rat too.

I am of Indian origin and what you have written about Indian culture is pretty much s!!!!!. And since when does a wedding in India cost £12k??? (from your loans post)

Please can you guys explain you can smell a 'rat?' Yes she has 6k in savings but that's for emergencies and she will never touch it unless its absolutely crucial. If she does take a loan out I think she will make it clear to the brother so he feels more obligated to pay back.

And in regards to the wedding cost they are contributing around £12k, the wifes side is also contributing a similar amount so the total is around £25k. Not that it matters, but you can have any sort of wedding at any price, any where in the world.