Should People Have Children If They Cant Afford Them

FBaby

Surely you can see that despite her disposable income (benefits) she is what is classed as 'poor'.

That makes no sense. Surely when we refer to 'poor' here, we are talking about money and what money buys you? So it is ALL about disposable income.

meer53

supermassive wrote: »

If you're referring to the family meal we have on xmas eve, that I took over from my step mother who's had neck surgery this year and is in recovery, then yes, I would like to get through that. If you're referring to my charity, that's not until boxing day and it's usually less than 3000 but I should do a head-count



Alternatively, you could've read my response. To move costs money. Money I don't have. Family and work are here, but it's a cycle - work for barely anything, pay out loads to survive, back to work again. A trap. There's a reason there's no development and the houses are so cheap to buy. They're utterly undesirable.

I do like that I've turned into a target due to my opinion that children deserve better. You're all pretty shameful in not thinking so.

If you feel that it's a trap then it's one of your own making. The answer is simple. Find a job in another town. Then find accomodation that you can afford in that town.

If you're not prepared to do this then jog on and be unhappy. From your posts i get the impression you quite like being unhappy.

We're not the shameful ones, you are, by being brainwashed into believing the stereotypes you see in your home town are the only type of parents.

meer53

FBaby wrote: »

That makes no sense. Surely when we refer to 'poor' here, we are talking about money and what money buys you? So it is ALL about disposable income.

Supermassive classes all people on benefits the same. Poor. Bit of a snob really.

LilElvis

supermassive wrote: »

If you're referring to the family meal we have on xmas eve, that I took over from my step mother who's had neck surgery this year and is in recovery, then yes, I would like to get through that. If you're referring to my charity, that's not until boxing day and it's usually less than 3000 but I should do a head-count



Alternatively, you could've read my response. To move costs money. Money I don't have. Family and work are here, but it's a cycle - work for barely anything, pay out loads to survive, back to work again. A trap. There's a reason there's no development and the houses are so cheap to buy. They're utterly undesirable.

I do like that I've turned into a target due to my opinion that children deserve better. You're all pretty shameful in not thinking so.

Oh woe is me!

Grow up and do something about it if you don't like your life! You lived in Australia so you obviously can get away.

My husband moved back in with his Mum after his Dad died. He was unemployed for 2 weeks and then took up a job as a litter picker. He spent all day, every day, trudging up and down the road picking up the rubbish that blew off the dustcarts as they drove to the tip. Despite living in one of the most affluent towns in the country he had been a total tearaway - expelled from school, drug taking and minor crime. His Dad's death was a wake up call and he turned that low paid, menial job into a career where he is highly respected and very well paid.

Life is what you make of it - it's not about whether you had the latest gadget as a child or went to the best school.

Happier_Me

supermassive wrote: »

Infact, in Grimsby, having a child you can't afford at a young age is considered a career path. "I don't want a job so I'll have a kid so I don't have to get one" and that attitude comes from being raised by non-working parents.

Supermassive, I agree with this statement and I believe there are many families that have this attitude throughout the UK.

And I think you are right about the reasons. Children raised by long term non working parents are surely less likely to work and achieve success themselves. This doesn't necessarily mean these people are in desperate poverty though.

The vast majority on my dad's side could appear on benefits street. I would say that there is one person out of every generation on this side of the family that bucks the trend and does well for themselves, therefore breaking the 'benefits street' cycle for themselves and also future members of that family line. My dad broke the cycle from his generation and my two cousins (one the same age as me - 39 and the other early 20's) have broken the cycle for their generation. The rest are long term unemployed, living on benefits and popping out kids they can't afford. My dads family are generally caring and have reasonable parenting skills. But they often make poor life choices like have children whilst at school or choosing to go on holiday instead of paying the gas bill. They are not poor - families who have i-phone 5's, a 3D TV and a takeaway each week are not poor, yet they are still in this benefits trap and their children are likely to be as well when they grow up.

supermassive

LilElvis wrote: »

Nobody has even intimated that a child should be brought up in poverty, they just disagree with your ridiculous belief about what level of financial security two adults should have before having a child. A home in a good area, car and sufficient money to ensure they can go to university were some of your criteria. Everybody would like to provide the best of everything for their child, but the majority have to just do the best they can. I'm sure most people can understand that you didn't have the greatest start in life, but you have made some pretty daft assertions.

Like investing the little money they have in contraception.

It's likely to be a bitter pill to swallow, but perhaps if people were less obsessed with having children more important life objectives would be achieved. Accidents happen, I was one (as fas as my dad knows.. my mother's safety pin knows otherwise), but to plan to bring a baby into a household with not very much money - or, as the thread title suggests, if they cannot afford it, adds up to abuse. Bringing life into the world so that the poor child can scrape by for the first god knows how many years of its life? Fab.

meer53 wrote: »

If you feel that it's a trap then it's one of your own making. The answer is simple. Find a job in another town. Then find accomodation that you can afford in that town.

If you're not prepared to do this then jog on and be unhappy. From your posts i get the impression you quite like being unhappy.

We're not the shameful ones, you are, by being brainwashed into believing the stereotypes you see in your home town are the only type of parents.

The practicalities of that are impossible. How would I travel to this new job? Would I move house? Who's paying for that? If I move house, who's paying the rent before I start getting paid from this fabulous new job? :rotfl:

I didn't say that the people in my home town are the only type of parents, but that poorer parents are a strain on a child's life and you risk them having a pretty poor upbringing - not emotionally, unless you're that way inclined, which many poor folk are.

meer53 wrote: »

Supermassive classes all people on benefits the same. Poor. Bit of a snob really.

Well I certainly don't class people on benefits of their own doing (kids) as anything worthy of not being looked down my nose at. Why would I? Should I be impressed that they can procreate or that they live off the state so fabulously?

supermassive

Happier_Me wrote: »

Supermassive, I agree with this statement and I believe there are many families that have this attitude throughout the UK.

And I think you are right about the reasons. Children raised by long term non working parents are surely less likely to work and achieve success themselves. This doesn't necessarily mean these people are in desperate poverty though.

The vast majority on my dad's side could appear on benefits street. I would say that there is one person out of every generation on this side of the family that bucks the trend and does well for themselves, therefore breaking the 'benefits street' cycle for themselves and also future members of that family line. My dad broke the cycle from his generation and my two cousins (one the same age as me - 39 and the other early 20's) have broken the cycle for their generation. The rest are long term unemployed, living on benefits and popping out kids they can't afford. My dads family are generally caring and have reasonable parenting skills. But they often make poor life choices like have children whilst at school or choosing to go on holiday instead of paying the gas bill. They are not poor - families who have i-phone 5's, a 3D TV and a takeaway each week are not poor, yet they are still in this benefits trap and their children are likely to be as well when they grow up.

Kids that grow up in those types of families will grow up feeling entitled to do very little to zero work and get their big fancy electrical goods. Then what? I think we've all got burglar alarms for a reason. That's an extreme example to many, probably, though.

FBaby

supermassive wrote: »

Kids that grow up in those types of families will grow up feeling entitled to do very little to zero work and get their big fancy electrical goods. Then what? I think we've all got burglar alarms for a reason. That's an extreme example to many, probably, though.

But again, that view contradicts your claim that it is all to do with lack of money (poverty). This is all to do with lack of values, ie. a sense of entitlement. Not all poor families are on benefits (far from it) and believe in a life of benefits. These families might have much better values about working for what you have than families full of money (possibly passed down from mum and dad's bank).

mattyprice4004

bluelass wrote: »

When I said live in our house I meant she wants me and my hub to move out and find somewhere so they can have it all to themselves. And oh she thinks if and when my hubby snuffs it our house should go directly to them and me out on my ear.

I'm going to be awfully blunt, but she sounds like she needs a slap! That's awful.

purpleshoes_2

supermassive wrote: »

If you're referring to the family meal we have on xmas eve, that I took over from my step mother who's had neck surgery this year and is in recovery, then yes, I would like to get through that. If you're referring to my charity, that's not until boxing day and it's usually less than 3000 but I should do a head-count



Alternatively, you could've read my response. To move costs money. Money I don't have. Family and work are here, but it's a cycle - work for barely anything, pay out loads to survive, back to work again. A trap. There's a reason there's no development and the houses are so cheap to buy. They're utterly undesirable.

I do like that I've turned into a target due to my opinion that children deserve better. You're all pretty shameful in not thinking so.

I havent a clue about your charity apart from whats in your signature

As for making you a target, Ive responded to your posts. I dont target people.

I was born 3 months early. My mum went into labour at my grans funeral. Lovely woman according to my mum, worked herself into an early grave. Im just happy to be alive

As for deserving better. My brother and I might have been brought up in a home that didn't have lots of money, like my mum and uncle before me, but we had love, support, encouragement, my mum went without to make sure we had opportunities.

Ive had a good life, irrespective of whether I had pots of money growing up. My fathers kids by his second wife will have had pots of money but I bet not much love if the love hes shown to me is anything to go by.

Its not wise to generalise. Im glad my mum had me when she did. It might not have been ideal but it wasnt a disaster either.

I might speak my mind but I'm far from shameful. I bet my gran and my grandpa and their parents had a tougher life financially than we did, I know they did. But they got on with it.