Should I tell BF not to come over?

Brallaqueen

Well I texted him not to come over tonight. He turns up to work three hours early so that he can speak to me during my lunch hour. We work together but on different shifts.

Not sure if happy about this or not.

Mojisola

Money_maker wrote: »

Just do it girl, you dont need to justify yourself to anyone.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Can't agree with this - in a successful loving relationship, considering other people is good, and explaining not just instructing 'this is how it is going to be' is necessary.

Saying "I've had a crappy week and just want to hibernate this weekend until I feel better" is explaining. She shouldn't need to justify why she prefers to be alone when she's feeling rough.

duchy

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Well I texted him not to come over tonight. He turns up to work three hours early so that he can speak to me during my lunch hour. We work together but on different shifts.

Not sure if happy about this or not.

<sigh>

I see your problem.
He sounds a bit suffocating

balletshoes

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Well I texted him not to come over tonight. He turns up to work three hours early so that he can speak to me during my lunch hour. We work together but on different shifts.

Not sure if happy about this or not.

couldn't you have called him instead of sending a text? If he was expecting to be with you all weekend from the end of work today, I'd have called him (as its fairly short notice to change his plans) and told him what you said in your opening post. Theres nothing wrong with needing time to yourself because you've had a crappy week (i'm close to that myself today to be honest) but you need to keep your OH informed too, and I don't think text is ever the best way to do that.

Mojisola

Brallaqueen wrote: »

On the other hand I really don't fancy coping with 20 questions on why he can't come over - what's wrong what have I done etc etc etc - either.

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Well I texted him not to come over tonight. He turns up to work three hours early so that he can speak to me during my lunch hour. We work together but on different shifts.

That is a serious over-reaction.

Couldn't he have phoned you during your lunch break if he wanted to speak to you?

pollypenny

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Well I texted him not to come over tonight. He turns up to work three hours early so that he can speak to me during my lunch hour. We work together but on different shifts.

Not sure if happy about this or not.

Well it shows he cares and is concerned.

Mojisola

pollypenny wrote: »

Well it shows he cares and is concerned.

But isn't willing to respect his partner's wishes to have some time to herself.

onomatopoeia99

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Well I texted him not to come over tonight. He turns up to work three hours early so that he can speak to me during my lunch hour. We work together but on different shifts.

I think a 'Is it OK if I pop in to see you at lunchtime?' texted reply would have been more appropriate, as it's what I would have done (and accepted "no" without further argument, but I always treat any "no" as definite and don't ask again, even if the question is "do you want more dessert, there's plenty left over?")

Mojisola

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I always treat any "no" as definite and don't ask again, even if the question is "do you want more dessert, there's plenty left over?")

That made me laugh - reminded me of an old aunty -

Do you want some more XXX?

No thanks, it was lovely but I'm full.

Was there something the matter with it? I made it way I usually do? Did I give you too much to start with? I'll have to check the ingredients I used - are you sure it tasted alright?

And later to another relative - I can't give Mojisola XXX any more. She didn't like it last time I made it.

Brighton_belle

Mojisola wrote: »

Saying "I've had a crappy week and just want to hibernate this weekend until I feel better" is explaining. She shouldn't need to justify why she prefers to be alone when she's feeling rough.

Yes it is explaining but it can be done in a cold terse one line text, or with a bit more care and appreciation of the other person as in " really sorry not to see you but..."
We don't know what she said in her text (the world's worst form of communication for misunderstandings) or how long they have been together.
I strongly believe she is entitled to go to bed and not see him. But if this is her usual safety valve and he never gets it, then there's a problem. If this relationship is new and from his perspective she appears to blow hot and cold, a little gentle explaining goes a long way.