Should I tell BF not to come over?

Brallaqueen

The chappie normally stays over at the weekend but I've had a crappy week and just want to hibernate this weekend until I feel better. The very thought of having to deal with anyone around me when I just want to hole up is upsetting.

On the other hand I really don't fancy coping with 20 questions on why he can't come over - what's wrong what have I done etc etc etc - either.

Urgh. I just want to get today over with and sod everything til Monday.

================

To Update - things are looking good. I'm feeling better now that you have all helped me see things through different eyes.

Work still is a nightmare but I'm feeling much better placed to cope now that I'm home and away from the whole situation (friday evening, whole weekend ahead of me!) so concentrating on cheering myself up and building up my armour for Monday.

Him turning up at lunch was a surprise which knocked me off kilter, but it was a good thing overall. He was able to reassure himself I was OK and not upset with him, and he reassured me that he understands that I'm just not in a good place right now and that he respects that, and is giving me the space I've asked for.

onomatopoeia99

So, explain exactly what you wrote in your first paragraph to him.

That should be sufficient - it would be for me as I have weekends where I don't want to see anyone and don't leave the house at all unless I need to go to Tesco for food, so would understand completely. Then again, perhaps I'm unusual as I've never felt the need to cross-examine any past girlfriend about any decision any of them have made, so not the best person to offer suggestions!

8-of-us

If I'm feeling rough and low my Husband is the one I want around.
If you really don't want to see him be really honest why or his head might explode with different scenarios what the real reason might be!

I hope you feel better soon.

Brighton_belle

Brallaqueen wrote: »

The chappie normally stays over at the weekend but I've had a crappy week and just want to hibernate this weekend until I feel better. The very thought of having to deal with anyone around me when I just want to hole up is upsetting.

On the other hand I really don't fancy coping with 20 questions on why he can't come over - what's wrong what have I done etc etc etc - either.

Urgh. I just want to get today over with and sod everything til Monday.

ok, so hibernating in solitude is clearly one of your coping mechanisms, so if this relationship is going to be long term, this is something about you he is going to need to understand and not take personally. At some point you need to discuss this or else you will be suppressing your needs to meet his and that is never good long term.
Can you tell him what you told us an stress how much you love seeing him etc etc but just need to go to bed and be quiet.

pawsies

Is he usually overprotective or insecure?

Mojisola

Brallaqueen wrote: »

The chappie normally stays over at the weekend but I've had a crappy week and just want to hibernate this weekend until I feel better.

On the other hand I really don't fancy coping with 20 questions on why he can't come over - what's wrong what have I done etc etc etc - either.

If his reaction to you saying the bit in bold is to think you're lying and try to force the 'truth' out of you, that's an issue you really need to deal with when you're better.

lostinrates

How has his week been?


Maybe a compromise is the way forward? Instead of arriving tonight he could arrive tomorrow night?

If you are a hibernator ( I am) knowing you can take time out is vital and healthy. But in a relationship the other person not feeling excluded is also important. I have found with time. KNOWING I can take the time out reduces the length of the retreat time. Sometimes I just need ten minutes alone...sometimes he leaves the room and I want him back, lol. Other times, I just curl up and sleep and wake up and he has joined me later for a nap and its lovely.

How Long have you been together? This is something you'll need to talk about

Money_maker

Just do it girl, you dont need to justify yourself to anyone. Hope next week is better for you.

pogofish

Brallaqueen wrote: »

On the other hand I really don't fancy coping with 20 questions on why he can't come over - what's wrong what have I done etc etc etc - either.

Is he prone to acting like this..?

If so, it is a warning sign - insecure/demanding etc.

LandyAndy

lostinrates wrote: »

Maybe a compromise is the way forward? Instead of arriving tonight he could arrive tomorrow night?

If you are a hibernator ( I am) knowing you can take time out is vital and healthy. But in a relationship the other person not feeling excluded is also important. I have found with time. KNOWING I can take the time out reduces the length of the retreat time. Sometimes I just need ten minutes alone...sometimes he leaves the room and I want him back, lol. Other times, I just curl up and sleep and wake up and he has joined me later for a nap and its lovely.

How Long have you been together? This is something you'll need to talk about

This this this.


This a situation where the OP might do well to consider how it would be if the positions were reversed.

Brighton_belle

Money_maker wrote: »

Just do it girl, you dont need to justify yourself to anyone. Hope next week is better for you.

Can't agree with this - in a successful loving relationship, considering other people is good, and explaining not just instructing 'this is how it is going to be' is necessary. As long as this is just not the total suppression of your own needs to meet all of some one else's.
Good communication is key.


However, if he is unable to hear your needs at all and makes it all about him, then, when you're better this will need to be talked about.