Please help a very new mum

Poppy9

view wrote: »

A massive heartfelt thank you to everyone who took the time to reply and all of your positive messages. I took the time to read through it a few times over the night and I'm feeling in a much brighter place today. We decided to not wake her from a deep sleep to feed her every three hours as we were instructed to, as we thought this was causing the hysterical behaviour. She woke of her own accord and become hysterical twice but managed to feed and also finally took the expressed bottle from my husband. He managed to get her down in the basket so we all got a few hours sleep.

Taking each day as it comes but I hope that we can try to continue this. I'm still going to try and see a breastfeeding clinic tomorrow to hopefully sort out what I think might be a latch problem. Really wish I had smaller boob$!

Again massive thank you to all of you

The 3 hour rule never mentioned when I had DD 19 years ago. Her natural sleep pattern from birth (and pregnancy) was a good 5 hour sleep in afternoon and nothing would wake her. My HV told me early on not to worry about how much milk she is taking, or how much weight she is or isn't gaining but to judge how alert she is when she's awake. i.e at 6 week baby clinic it was a group session and all babies weighed and you had to give out birth weight and
HV would record how much each baby had gained. DD was just over 1lb!! She was 9lb born, dropped to 8 4lb and 10lb 2I at 6 weeks. I had the "look" from other Mums but as HV pointed out all their babies were fast asleep while mine was bouncing on my lap following everything and extremely alert!

You are starting out on a journey where many Health professional will be more interested on where you fit in with statistics as that is how they mark babies progress. You will know your own child though and as you've already begun, you are trusting your instincts.

cr1mson

Quick reply

1) Get help with breastfeeding it really does make a difference.
2)My daughter hated her Moses basket and slept better in her pram and then her cot.
3) Hang in there it does get better
4) Sleeping through seems to have different definitions I considered it putting them down at 7 and waking after 6 next morning but HV told me mine slept through from couple of weeks as went more than 6 hours at night.
5) Quite common for breastfed babies to cluster feed at night in preparation for night. My son fed constantly from 5 till 8 at night and then slept until 5.

Oh and it will pass and remember to take care of yourself - oxygen mask principle applies!

Kynthia

Was there a reason you were told to wake your baby every three hours as that's not the usual advice. Unless your baby is jaundiced, and therefore may be too lethargic to wake themselves for food, you normally wouldn't wake a sleeping baby. They wake when they are hungry.


I'm glad you are in a more positive place today. Definitely get proper advice about the breastfeeding as there are a lot of myths and incorrect information out there. In order to develop your supply you should avoid using bottles for the first few weeks and you should allow the baby to feed from you whenever they want. Although it's up to you as you may be happy to combination feed, only breastfeed for the first few days/weeks or risk expressed milk to give yourself some much needed sleep and you'll get no judgement from me. If you think things aren't right then get the latch checked and rule out tongue-tie. Also I've heard that there are some different feeding positions that may be more suited to larger boobs so ask about them. As said above, you have to look after yourself too so make sure you are hydrated enough and eating regularly (which I know is easier said then done).

hawk30

Kynthia wrote: »

Was there a reason you were told to wake your baby every three hours as that's not the usual advice. Unless your baby is jaundiced, and therefore may be too lethargic to wake themselves for food, you normally wouldn't wake a sleeping baby. They wake when they are hungry.

.

I was told this only last year, as were my friends, so I thought it was standard advice now. If you let the babies go too long without feeding it can affect their blood sugar balance or can cause dehydration. Newborns can be quite sleepy at first and don't always wake to feed when they should.

notanewuser

hawk30 wrote: »

I was told this only last year, as were my friends, so I thought it was standard advice now. If you let the babies go too long without feeding it can affect their blood sugar balance or can cause dehydration. Newborns can be quite sleepy at first and don't always wake to feed when they should.

It's amazing that we survived without "advice" like this, isn't it?!!!

hawk30

notanewuser wrote: »

It's amazing that we survived without "advice" like this, isn't it?!!!

Haven't we (as in the forum) not already had the debate between those who like to follow current advice and those that think it a load of tosh?

sacha28

Make-it-3 wrote: »

You will come out of the haze, it gets easier slowly around 12 weeks or so I think you can start feeling in control a bit. But you will never sleep again how you did pre-parenthood. Forgot the mums bragging about their kid sleeping thru. I don't need more than two hands to count how many times my nearly 4 yr old has slept thru!!!!

God I'm glad you wrote that, I was beginning to think I was the only one whose toddler doesn't sleep properly! My DS is nearly 3 and wakes approx 5 times a night and, if he doesn't wake as many times, he thinks 4am is a perfectly reasonable time to start the day :eek:

Just remember OP that this is completely new to you and everything at this stage is trial and error. You've done a fantastic job so far so keep it up

When my DS was a newborn he was a flippin nightmare between the hours of 7pm and 1am and we had the same issues as you, my DP would spend those hours walking the house with him so I could get some sleep to get ready for the onslaught of the night. I have to say that things improved massively at 6 weeks when a friend of mine (now DS's Godmother and a midwife) showed me (and yes, I did need step-by-step guidance lol) how to start a good bedtime routine. It was the weirdest feeling, the first time he went to bed at 7pm we had 4 hours to ourselves before he woke for a feed, we didn't know what to do with ourselves!!

People can give you all the advice, with all the best will in the world, but at the end of the day you will do what suits you. For example, the amount of people that told me to co-sleep was unbelievable. I never wanted to co-sleep as my bed is the only space I have for myself, plus I'm a big girl (didn't want to suffocate him) and my DP is epileptic and sometimes suffers with nocturnal 'jerks'. I get hit quite a bit at night :rotfl: not something I want for my little man!!

Have you tried putting a muslin square with some breast milk squirted on it? It may be that your smell is enough to settle her?

Poppy9

notanewuser wrote: »

It's amazing that we survived without "advice" like this, isn't it?!!!

Many of us are the products of bottle feeding/smoking mums because they were told formula milk was better and didn't know smoking was harmful in pregnancy. Also recommended to drink Stout !

My mother had 4 of us and while she was petite not one of us was under 9lb. She wasn't a heavy smoker but still didn't affect birth weight! Heaviest baby 11 lb!

Not advocating smoking or drinking. Both we now know harmful but I don't think it's helpful to pregnant women and new mums to make them feel as if something happens it's because they didn't follow the correct advice. Over the years the advice on sleeping on back/side/front has changed and imagine the guilt this must put on parents of cot deaths even if they followed the guidelines of the time which they later said were wrong.

Just remembered a gross thing I saw my mother do with first grandchild - she took wet terry nappy and wiped the babies face with it. She said it helped with milk rash (little white spots?). It was 40 years ago and she said she'd done it with all of us!

moomoomama27

I always found making the Moses basket warm helped, with a hot water bottle or microwave heat pad. I left it in there for about 10 minutes and then took it out obviously. I used to rock mine until they were dozing and then swaddle and put them down. All mine slept through the night from 6-8 weeks from about 11pm - 6pm, with the exception of illness and teething. I used to create a good bedtime routine, bath, massage, low lights and soft music/radio etc. feed them before putting them down and they would go into Moses basket/ cot awake/ dozy, but never asleep, that way I found they could drift back off should they startle.

hp3

I too am a new first time mum (LO is three weeks old) and
I really feel for you. I have felt and still do sometimes the same but I know it does get better and when we have good days it's wonderful! We spent the first week in hospital due to us both being ill and LO having jaundice. She was put on a feeding plan and I was told to wake her for feeds and she needed a lot which she just wouldn't take. I tried so hard to breastfeed but because I was ill my milk didn't come in until day 6, up until then I had been using a breast pump to try to make my milk come in every three hours. When it did come in I only produced enough for one feed over 24 hours. I would love to be able to breastfeed my baby and have tried since to re start my milk supply without success. When we came home from hospital I was so anxious about the feeding that I became obsessed with amounts she was having and times (every 3/4 hours) and if she wasn't having what the hospital said she needed I would get really upset. In the last few days I have started to relax about things and let my baby feed when she wants and how much she wants. She now feeds much better and is putting weight on nicely. I am trying to put basic routines in place for her but letting her take the lead. It's a learning curve for you Both and As people said to me, you and your baby need to get to know each other. It's still early days and it takes time but you will get there. I also did find the breastfeeding support at the hospital fantastic so if you need to use all the support you can.