Please help a very new mum

Poppy9

I don't think it's anything the parent is or isn't doing regarding sleeping through the night, I think it can depend on the child (I am of course ignoring parents who don't give a !!!!!! and drag their children up).

I am one of 4 and my mother would recall how the first 2 were "good" babies and slept through then along came no. 3 who didn't sleep more than 1 hour at a time until 2 years old! She maintains she did nothing different, kept to routine but life was hell for all the family as she was grumpy through not sleeping. I was number 4 and I too was a good sleeper.

notanewuser

sulkisu wrote: »

Really? Time will tell, I guess.


Of all of the things that I was told to expect by my HV and other mums, the sleeping through the night at about that age was the one thing that all of my three did. DS1 at 10 weeks and the twins at 12 weeks. Maybe I have just been lucky but I can count on two hands the number of times that I have had to get up and feed or settle my boys in the night once they started sleeping through. A bottle around 11 -11.30 and then nothing until about 6.00. Perhaps it will be the same for you.


ETA - I'm not 'bragging' by the way, just stating facts and possibly giving you some hope. There were many things that DS1 did much later than his peers, such as toilet training (he was 3 and a half), and talking.

DD's traumatic delivery saw her sleep through her first 5 nights (I was practically forced to wake her while in hospital for no good reason - she wasn't interested!). With a tummy full of mucus she wasn't hungry and the forceps - which left permanent dents in her skull - bruised her to the point that sucking hurt. Once her tummy was cleared she would feed little and often and so would wake for feeds at night. We co-slept from the night we came home for many many months.

She's always been a good sleeper, but the definition of "sleeping through" seems to be twisted somewhat with many using it despite baby waking for feeds. Add in teething, colds, growth spurts, development leaps (wonder weeks), and the odds of then sleeping through consistently within the first 2 years are tiny.

The majority of adults don't actually sleep through every night. You may not wake for long, or even remember doing it, but it's something most of us do. Given a baby's sleep cycle is so much shorter than an adult's, why do we expect them to sleep through when they're at an age where really they should only just have been born?

notanewuser

Poppy9 wrote: »

I don't think it's anything the parent is or isn't doing regarding sleeping through the night, I think it can depend on the child (I am of course ignoring parents who don't give a !!!!!! and drag their children up).

I am one of 4 and my mother would recall how the first 2 were "good" babies and slept through then along came no. 3 who didn't sleep more than 1 hour at a time until 2 years old! She maintains she did nothing different, kept to routine but life was hell for all the family as she was grumpy through not sleeping. I was number 4 and I too was a good sleeper.

I was a fab sleeper - still am. My younger sister didn't sleep through for a single night until she was 4 and started nursery school.

Kynthia

It all depends on your definition of 'sleeping through the night' as I think officially it's a solid block of only 5 hours. However I know that most of us would consider it covered 10pm to 6am at least. My 9 month old is still waking for a 4am feed most nights and in my NCT group of 8 only a couple were sleeping through until 7am at 12 weeks and I think they were doing a dream feed to encourage this.


OP, this is a very difficult and stressful time, plus many people have a hormonal upset 3-5 days after the birth which makes things seem worse. Breastfeeding can be incredibly hard the first few weeks so you aren't alone and people need support, so I agree with the advice to call La Leche League, NCT or a local breastfeeding support advisor. Your milk might only just be coming in, your baby is learning this new skill of feeding, and cluster feeding and long sessions are very common. Others I know would set up a feeding station on the sofa with snacks, drinks, phone, and tv remote all in reach and would settle in for days.


I personally agreed with some of the 'fourth trimester' thinking that was about doing what worked and what got you through the first 3 months. Don't worry about bad habits yet, setting yourself high standards or following everyone's 'helpful' advice. Cuddle your baby lots, feed and sleep on demand if it helps, keep them in babygrows rather than fancy outfits, carry them in your arms or a carrier/wrap if you want, etc, etc. Also ask for help as just because you can cope with doing everything doesn't mean you have to, and if you have friends and family who will cook you a meal or do some washing up then ask them. Things will improve and try to enjoy it too.

catloverbex

Kynthia wrote: »

It all depends on your definition of 'sleeping through the night' as I think officially it's a solid block of only 5 hours. However I know that most of us would consider it covered 10pm to 6am at least. My 9 month old is still waking for a 4am feed most nights and in my NCT group of 8 only a couple were sleeping through until 7am at 12 weeks and I think they were doing a dream feed to encourage this.


OP, this is a very difficult and stressful time, plus many people have a hormonal upset 3-5 days after the birth which makes things seem worse. Breastfeeding can be incredibly hard the first few weeks so you aren't alone and people need support, so I agree with the advice to call La Leche League, NCT or a local breastfeeding support advisor. Your milk might only just be coming in, your baby is learning this new skill of feeding, and cluster feeding and long sessions are very common. Others I know would set up a feeding station on the sofa with snacks, drinks, phone, and tv remote all in reach and would settle in for days.


I personally agreed with some of the 'fourth trimester' thinking that was about doing what worked and what got you through the first 3 months. Don't worry about bad habits yet, setting yourself high standards or following everyone's 'helpful' advice. Cuddle your baby lots, feed and sleep on demand if it helps, keep them in babygrows rather than fancy outfits, carry them in your arms or a carrier/wrap if you want, etc, etc. Also ask for help as just because you can cope with doing everything doesn't mean you have to, and if you have friends and family who will cook you a meal or do some washing up then ask them. Things will improve and try to enjoy it too.

^^^^^^^ great advice!!

Mrshaworth2b

I have nothing to add because I think some of the advice on here is spot on. I'll just say, do what you have to in the early days, forget about so called bad habits, your baby is too tiny to know about bad habits, making rods for your own back etc etc.

Take a breath, you've just given birth, the hardest thing you will ever have to do, enjoy your baby, even the cries, because in 18 months you'll look back on this, knowing you conquered it. Trust me.

I hope today is looking brighter for you

CH27

Try putting a hot water bottle in the moses basket for 2 mins to take the coolness off before putting baby in.
Your arms are warm & the basket will be cool.

This is just a phase & it WILL pass.

view

A massive heartfelt thank you to everyone who took the time to reply and all of your positive messages. I took the time to read through it a few times over the night and I'm feeling in a much brighter place today. We decided to not wake her from a deep sleep to feed her every three hours as we were instructed to, as we thought this was causing the hysterical behaviour. She woke of her own accord and become hysterical twice but managed to feed and also finally took the expressed bottle from my husband. He managed to get her down in the basket so we all got a few hours sleep.

Taking each day as it comes but I hope that we can try to continue this. I'm still going to try and see a breastfeeding clinic tomorrow to hopefully sort out what I think might be a latch problem. Really wish I had smaller boob$!

Again massive thank you to all of you

DevilsAdvocate1

I have 3 boys and none of mine slept through at 12 weeks. My eldest was 18 months and even then, it wasn't every night. All sorts of things woke him up, from being too hot in the summer to teething.

My middle and youngest did not sleep through regularly until the were 4 years old! Bizarrely, I must've got used to this because even though they have all slept through for years, I still wake up at 4am every single morning! It always takes me a good half hour to get back to sleep as well.

I remember reading of some research were parents were asked if they baby slept through the night. Something like 70% said that their baby did. Then the parent was asked if their baby had slept through last night, and only 5% said that their baby had. Made me feel my baby was normal as I had been feeling like mine were the only ones in the world who woke regularly in the night!

Also, its worth remembering that when talking about babies sleeping through, the medical profession is usually talking about 6 hours of sleep.

dawn_rose

Hiya hun, very early days yet everything will settle down shortly. By day 4 your milk should be coming in and its best to feed your little one on demand to regulate your supply and make it easier for you both. little one could feed every hr at first this is normal. (nobody told me that with my first). Also I use to find my little ones fell asleep when breastfeeding then i use to transfer them to basket in the same room as me. I use to wrap them in a blanket before I started the feed and then it is warm and smells of mum and baby when placed into the basket so baby will feel safe. Feel free to pm me hun x