Please help a very new mum

sulkisu · 22 November 2014 at 7:07PM

It does get better (eventually), but I guarantee that you will have a few more weeks of feeling awful, tired frustrated, sleep deprived and thoroughly hacked off at the world. I'm not saying that to depress you, just to prepare you and to let you know that it's okay to feel that way. I have three boys - DS1 was 18 months old when his twin brothers appeared. When they were four days old, I was ready to pack my bags and leave home - I planned to come home when they turned 18! Some well meaning person told me that it would get better and I nearly punched her (luckily, I was too damned tired). But it does. They start to feed properly, sleep for longer and then just wait until she's sleeping through the night (usually around 12 weeks) - you really start to feel human again. Good luck and congratulations BTW.

hawk30 · 22 November 2014 at 8:05PM

Sounds very familiar! For the first 6 weeks, DD refused to sleep anywhere but on one of us. We had to take shifts through the night. What helped was when she got big enough for sleeping bags. We could cuddle her to sleep in the sleeping bag and when we transferred her to the cot there was no real change of temperature or smell. I also read up about baby sleep cycles, which are different to adults, and found that if I held her for a least 20 minutes after she fell asleep, she would often stay asleep when put down. I don't agree that this 'creates a rod for your own back' as some might argue. At this age they need love and cuddles.

notanewuser · 22 November 2014 at 8:14PM

Okay, some basic biology here.

Your milk has probably only just come in. Your baby has to learn how to get it out. It's rarely an instant thing. Was there any birth trauma? DD was born by forceps and sucking obviously hurt her for several weeks. Try to relax - babies tend to lose a bit of birth weight because they aren't used to having to work for their food!

The Moses basket. We didn't have one. I wouldn't. For the past 4-5 months your baby has been snuggled up in your tummy. It's an odd thing for them to suddenly be able to move arms and legs freely. A Moses basket is flat - your tummy wasn't. Unless there's something you desperately need to do that involves putting your baby down, let them sleep on you. Get a sling if you need your arms free.

All human babies are born prematurely - they need another : months inside really but we wouldn't be able to get them out. So treat the first 3 months as the 4th trimester (Google it). You're trying to recreate womb conditions. So hearing your heartbeat as much as possible, swaddled or sling to keep them snuggled and feed on demand. It gets much easier (till the 2 week growth spurt hits :eek:)

Whatever you do make sure you are eating and drinking properly and sleeping whenever you get the chance. NOTHING else is as important.

notanewuser · 22 November 2014 at 8:17PM

sulkisu wrote: »

. They start to feed properly, sleep for longer and then just wait until she's sleeping through the night (usually around 12 weeks) .

Mega myth I'm afraid. With half of 4 year olds it sleeping through, it's unusual for a 12 week old child to sleep through.

catloverbex · 22 November 2014 at 9:49PM

Congratulations and Big hugs Hun! The first few weeks are TOUGH! But I absolutely promise you that it DOES get easier! xxx

My daughter is 5 months old now so I can remember feeling exactly how you are feeling. My top tips:

1. If you want to continue breastfeeding then join a breastfeeding support group ASAP and get yourself down there as soon as you feel able to get out if the house. We went to a group at our local Sure Start centre and it helped immensely! We still go now and have made some great friends who we can discuss our new mummy problems and concerns with (talking really helps!)

2. We also spent hours on the phone to the la leche league for breastfeeding support. They have a free helpline which was a lifeline when I was not leaving the house. They talked me through positions and stuff to try which really helped. Sorry I don't have the number but your MW or HV should do.

3. Don't place unrealistic expectations on yourself or your baby! For the first few weeks your baby will want to pretty much stay nuzzled at your boobs. Exhausting but it won't last forever so just relax, make people wait on you hand and foot and snuggle on the sofa/bed with DVD box sets. I found once I took this approach, I actually quite enjoyed it!

4. We found baby didn't like Moses basket and wouldn't sleep so we got a sleepyhead pillow bed and had baby in that in the bed with us. It was summer so we didn't bother with a duvet so there was no risk of baby getting covered or smothered but HV nearly wet herself worried about the risk of so called co-sleeping! However it was the only thing that worked for us and was worth every single penny. Baby still sleeps in it now in her chicco next2me crib. We got it on offer from wauwaa so only paid half price but I know john lewis sell them too. I also know new mums who made their own by rolling up towels and putting them underneath the Moses basket sheet, although I have no idea if this is safe or not.

4. My baby won't drink expressed milk (could this be why your baby won't drink a bottle?) and my milk also didn't come in until 2 weeks after birth because I lost a lot of blood during the birth. We therefore used SmA gold ready made bottles from boots, they are expensive (£6.99 for 6) but they come with nuk teats and my baby drank those. As soon as my milk came in we ditched the formula and exclusively breastfed for 4 months. After 4 months we have introduced one bottle of formula a day to try to encourage her to sleep longer at night. I WISH she had slept through the night at 12 weeks.....not many baby's I know do!!

I promise it really does get easier but the first few weeks are soooo tough. Hope things get easier soon xxx

Make-it-3 · 22 November 2014 at 10:04PM

Four days in to motherhood, your hormone levels are going crazy, you and baby are still in the very early days of finding you feet. What you are going through is all completely normal.

The only thing that matters is you and baby, forget everything else - stay in bed all day, listen to your baby it isn't trying to manipulate you but tell you what it wants which is basically, YOU, YOU, YOU. Feed as much as you can, skin to skin contact, sleep together (doing it safely).

You will come out of the haze, it gets easier slowly around 12 weeks or so I think you can start feeling in control a bit. But you will never sleep again how you did pre-parenthood. Forgot the mums bragging about their kid sleeping thru. I don't need more than two hands to count how many times my nearly 4 yr old has slept thru!!!!

sulkisu · 22 November 2014 at 10:14PM

notanewuser wrote: »

Mega myth I'm afraid. With half of 4 year olds it sleeping through, it's unusual for a 12 week old child to sleep through.

Really? Time will tell, I guess.

Of all of the things that I was told to expect by my HV and other mums, the sleeping through the night at about that age was the one thing that all of my three did. DS1 at 10 weeks and the twins at 12 weeks. Maybe I have just been lucky but I can count on two hands the number of times that I have had to get up and feed or settle my boys in the night once they started sleeping through. A bottle around 11 -11.30 and then nothing until about 6.00. Perhaps it will be the same for you.

ETA - I'm not 'bragging' by the way, just stating facts and possibly giving you some hope. There were many things that DS1 did much later than his peers, such as toilet training (he was 3 and a half), and talking.

catloverbex · 22 November 2014 at 10:23PM

sulkisu wrote: »

Really? Time will tell, I guess.

Of all of the things that I was told to expect by my HV and other mums, the sleeping through the night at about that age was the one thing that all of my three did. DS1 at 10 weeks and the twins at 12 weeks. Maybe I have just been lucky but I can count on two hands the number of times that I have had to get up and feed or settle my boys in the night once they started sleeping through. A bottle around 11 -11.30 and then nothing until about 6.00.

Very lucky - I'm very jealous!

Although in all seriousness, I think it is important to point out that MOST babies do not sleep through the night at 12 weeks. I know about 20 different babies from my baby groups and only a handful of those slept through the night at 12 weeks, the majority (especially the breastfed ones) did still wake for a night feed. Since I've been giving my baby formula she has finally slept through the night at 5 months old :j

McKneff · 22 November 2014 at 10:28PM

Both mine slept a little longer each night starting at about 4 weeks, but the time they were 8/10 weels they were sleeping for 11/12 hours.

Bennifred · 22 November 2014 at 10:31PM

Crikey! I never realised how lucky I was at the time - mine ALL started sleeping through the night from about six weeks. Not every night, but more often than not. Maybe it was the lambskin? They were all breastfed. So you never know your luck, OP!