Real life dilemma - place your bets

suicidebob

purpleshoes wrote: »

Your family's opinion might matter but it's your life. I wonder how they've managed to form negative opinions of men they don't really know already.

The OP hardly knows them , never mind her family!

VfM4meplse

suicidebob wrote: »

The OP hardly knows them , never mind her family!

I know exactly what my folks will think of whom, I know them inside out.

Are you called suicidebob for a good reason?

suicidebob

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I know exactly what my folks will think of whom, I know them inside out.

Are you called suicidebob for a good reason?

You haven't seen one guy for a couple of years, you know 1 guy mostly through work, so I would dispute you know exactly what your family would think of them with such precision.

Why do you think one way, and the rest of your family thinks another? That just sounds a bit weird, almost as if you hold them in contempt.

DaveTheMus

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I really need to do something about my disasterous love-life. I have four "options" atm, views please? Going by the principal that we regret what we don't do in life, now's the time for a bit of positive action. Writing it down has helped me see things a bit more clearly in terms of likelihood and risk but I thought I'd put it out there. Objective opinions please, but bear in mind I'm ultra-picky, after copious dating I'm now thinking of a longer game and if any of these were to progress my family's opinion would matter as I am reasonably close to them. Now is the time to consolidate and not alienate that relationship.

1) Mr A: I am incredibly fond of, we have a lovely established flirtatious friendship which I have no doubt he would love to act on, suitable in very many ways but off-boundaries . For that reason have no intention of progressing, although if that were not the case I'd be happy to make a life with. Family would hate him and make it known.

2) Mr B: A bit younger, very different upbringing and background, suitable on paper and has recently made it abundantly clear that he is very interested and has been for ages. Nice enough but I ain't feeling it - whenever we met previously he seemed a bit quiet and I've never seen him in that way, tbh I hadn't given him a second thought until this emerged. Family would love him and make it known.

3) Mr C: Met him accidentally a while ago and was completely floored by him, he is my "Mr Perfect". I had some dealings with him in a professional context, he was hard to read but in truth I may have scared him off. It turns out he's on a dating website - profile pointed out to me someone else - so apparently available, and seems to want the same things as me. The trouble is I go silly-gooey over him, most uncharacteristic and do I have the guts to do anything here? And part of me thinks that if he had any interest in me he would have made it known and not stuck his profile on a website. Family would like him but not get too close.

4) Mr I haven't seen for a couple of years but have held out hope of seeing him for ages. Really nice guy, like him a lot, completely suitable and made me laugh my head off sober. Not at all scared of me and until I met Mr C was the closest to perfect I thought I'd ever meet . He did ask me out at the time but I didn't give him my number (yes, 10/10 for stupid I know) and haven't seen him since. There is a remote chance that I may bump into him again if I engage in certain circles but its hit and miss - miss so far. Family would like him but not get too close.

Sounds as though you have an unhealthy toxic relationship with your family... I don't think they trust you to be responsible enough to decide what's best for you.

Time to cut those apron strings...

DaveTheMus

I've always been curious VfM....Is that a picture of you in your avatar?

nickyhutch

If you need to ask virtual strangers on the internet, then none of them are right.


Also, what your family thinks of a potential partner really shouldn't be all that important.

tesuhoha

Go for the one that you love.

VfM4meplse

DaveTheMus wrote: »

Sounds as though you have an unhealthy toxic relationship with your family... I don't think they trust you to be responsible enough to decide what's best for you.

Time to cut those apron strings...

Funny, an ex thought the same, but he didn't much get on with his own family, was always on at me to stop seeing mine so much (if you can call once a month frequent!) and point blank refused to meet them even though ironically they would have loved him too. Giving him the elbow wasn't a hard decision.

DaveTheMus wrote: »

I've always been curious VfM....Is that a picture of you in your avatar?

No it is the delightful Mishal who has fabulous hair. But I am often mistaken for her, esp on a good hair day

DaveTheMus

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Funny, an ex thought the same, but he didn't much get on with his own family, was always on at me to stop seeing mine so much (if you can call once a month frequent!) and point blank refused to meet them even though ironically they would have loved him too. Giving him the elbow wasn't a hard decision.

No it is the delightful Mishal who has fabulous hair. But I am often mistaken for her, esp on a good hair day

If you look like her then I can see why you have more than a few to choose from...

I can understand you're respectful towards your parents, but, their opinions shouldn't even be secondary...it should be way down the list.

If you're happy I'm sure they'd come round...

Best way to approach it is relax and don't worry about it and it'll happen...

kelpie35

I think it is very strange that a 40 year old needs to come on to an open forum to get peoples views of who you should shack up with.

Do you consult your family when you have to make decisions in life?

I know what it is like to come from a close knit family but I also know that I am responsible for my own decisions as I am an adult.