Real life dilemma - place your bets

VfM4meplse

I really need to do something about my disasterous love-life. I have four "options" atm, views please? Going by the principal that we regret what we don't do in life, now's the time for a bit of positive action. Writing it down has helped me see things a bit more clearly in terms of likelihood and risk but I thought I'd put it out there. Objective opinions please, but bear in mind I'm ultra-picky, after copious dating I'm now thinking of a longer game and if any of these were to progress my family's opinion would matter as I am reasonably close to them. Now is the time to consolidate and not alienate that relationship.

1) Mr A: I am incredibly fond of, we have a lovely established flirtatious friendship which I have no doubt he would love to act on, suitable in very many ways but off-boundaries . For that reason have no intention of progressing, although if that were not the case I'd be happy to make a life with. Family would hate him and make it known.

2) Mr B: A bit younger, very different upbringing and background, suitable on paper and has recently made it abundantly clear that he is very interested and has been for ages. Nice enough but I ain't feeling it - whenever we met previously he seemed a bit quiet and I've never seen him in that way, tbh I hadn't given him a second thought until this emerged. Family would love him and make it known.

3) Mr C: Met him accidentally a while ago and was completely floored by him, he is my "Mr Perfect". I had some dealings with him in a professional context, he was hard to read but in truth I may have scared him off. It turns out he's on a dating website - profile pointed out to me someone else - so apparently available, and seems to want the same things as me. The trouble is I go silly-gooey over him, most uncharacteristic and do I have the guts to do anything here? And part of me thinks that if he had any interest in me he would have made it known and not stuck his profile on a website. Family would like him but not get too close.

4) Mr I haven't seen for a couple of years but have held out hope of seeing him for ages. Really nice guy, like him a lot, completely suitable and made me laugh my head off sober. Not at all scared of me and until I met Mr C was the closest to perfect I thought I'd ever meet . He did ask me out at the time but I didn't give him my number (yes, 10/10 for stupid I know) and haven't seen him since. There is a remote chance that I may bump into him again if I engage in certain circles but its hit and miss - miss so far. Family would like him but not get too close.

BitterAndTwisted

If you're single it doesn't have to be an either/or decision. You could decide to see more than one person at a time before you decide which one is right for you longer-term.

Take the bull by the horns and approach both Mr C and Mr D and go from there. You're lucky to be so spoiled for choice so don't let the opportunity slip through your hands. You may never be in this position ever again!

j.e.j.

I'd say do a bit of homework on Mr C, put out your feelers, and try and find out if he likes you.

Failing that, google Mr D and see if you can find his contact details?

trolleyrun

Ask Mr C out for a drink/coffee and see what happens. Many men are too shy to ask women out (the fear of rejection) so you'll have to be the "brave" one.

Mr A and B don't seem like runners at all. Mr D might be but a pipe dream but you'll have to find him to find out for sure.

Kaye1

Don't be ultra picky. I'm not saying settle for second best- but re-evaluate what is important. Are they loyal, faithful and kind? Then perhaps some of the things you are 'ultra-picky' about don't matter so much.

January20

Let me brutal:

Mr A is not an option. You said so yourself;
Mr B you're not really interested;
Mr C available but perhaps not interested in you?
Mr D you don't see and have little chance of seeing.

I'd say don't settle for second best, move on and find Mr E....

suicidebob

Probably each of these 4 guys is weighing up offers from multiple other women, going on dates, trying to hook up with lonely housewives, while you're sitting then with a rather simplistic analysis of what you think your options are.

mgdavid

delicately, which decade of age range are you in?

FatVonD

Mr C - join the dating site and send him a friendly 'fancy meeting you here, lets meet up to discuss our internet dating disasters' message.

Mr D - Organise a get together with that circle of friends and ask for his email address to invite him.

purpleshoes_2

Your family's opinion might matter but it's your life. I wonder how they've managed to form negative opinions of men they don't really know already.

VfM4meplse

mgdavid wrote: »

delicately, which decade of age range are you in?

I'm 41 but look mid 30s, and far from inexperienced in matters of love - I've just never really taken it that seriously before and suddenly found myself in my 40s.

Mr A is very much older , B just under 40, C mid-50s (but I had previously thought might be younger than me) and D late forties.