bad neighbours threatening my health

atolaas

I like the idea of your husband taking on a lodger...I wonder if you can specify in the ad...all professional doorpersons welcome to apply, must have imposing physical presence!

Lookingforcalm

atolaas wrote: »

I like the idea of your husband taking on a lodger...I wonder if you can specify in the ad...all professional doorpersons welcome to apply, must have imposing physical presence!

Haha that cheered me up! I know a few from the gym...I could just imagine it!

But these people don't seem to get intimidated, or either they do and that's why they feel the need to make more noise/shout things across the street/act 'rock 'ard' etc....to understand the mentality of a chav

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry to put this idea on a downer., but if any 'threat' came from your property, you can bet the tenants downstairs would complain, and you can bet the council will listen. I don't know why but it just seems to happen that way. They ignore you., but somehow they don't seem to ignore the people causing the problem.

This could put your property at risk, and create more stress. Although that won't affect you if you move out.

gayleygoo

OP, I've just read your thread and it does sound very stressful. I'm in agreement with others though that your hubby is making it worse than it has to be. You are not happy, there may be some risk to your son of bullying etc, and he wants to risk the welfare of his family for a mortgage that he may not even get, on a flat he may not ever be able to rent out easily or sell?

The physical threats, noise etc would bother me. The weed wouldn't, but then my next door neighbour smokes weed too and I don't mind the smell! (As a very basic solution, would a nice strong candle help cover up the smell in your home?) It would be a different matter if they were growing, dealing, or running a crack den as that has all sorts of social implications.

You'd be within your right to report your neighbours for smoking weed, but there'd be little benefit to you because they probably won't stop doing it even if the police do turn up occasionally. They'd need a warrant to go inside the house and the reality is that this is a lot of work for not a lot of result in terms of police time and use of public funds. And even if they did arrest and convict anyone, it won't get them to move house or amend any of their other behaviours.

I think you need to live somewhere else, and your husband is a fool if he does not go with you for the sake of *possibly* buying a council flat in several years time. He won't get much sympathy from people on this forum either, since council properties are in such short supply these days and not intended for people to easily get on the property ladder.

I hope you get sorted with your Uni work, maybe it can be a focus to help you get through this hard time? Study at your local library or coffee shops etc if you can't stand being in the house. Speak to your tutors who may be able to offer support or advice. I'm sorry I seem to have rambled a bit, but I really hope for your sake that you get this sorted soon xx

Fraise

Angelicdevil wrote: »

thesaint, it is "bread and butter", the police are there to help people.

Smoking cannabis is illegal.

Possession of Cannabis can land you with up to 5 years in prison or an unlimited fine or both. It is a class B drug.

The police will be interested but depending on where you live (London esp) there may not be enough coppers to deal with the issue.

Your neighbourhood policing team (NPT) would most likely be the ones to go round, have a friendly chat to start and escalate from there if required.

The police will not turn up on the offending neighbours doorstep and say "oh yeh mate, your neighbours at number X reported you".

Plus there is a new act (antisocial behaviour, crime and policing act 2014) that was brought in last month to help prevent and deal with antisocial behaviour, of which drug taking is one of the listed behaviours.

I'm in total sympathy with the OP, but I'm afraid you're wrong: smoking cannabis and being in possession of cannabis is not illegal. It's only illegal if you intend to supply cannabis and have so many grams of the stuff (not sure of the weight).

I'm very anti drugs and the gutter culture that tends to go with it, but you'll often find cannabis smokers are laid back and quiet, and sleep a lot. These neighbours sound like they're drinkers and possibly suffer from personality disorders.

Fraise

OP, I feel so sorry for you, but I feel it's time you put your foot down.

You can't change your neighbours, but you can certainly do something about your husband. I'm sorry to be blunt, but it sounds like he's keeping you as the caretaker of his future investment. He is aware of your misery and anxiety having these dreadful people below you, so why on earth does he leave you alone with them while he sits in his backside in a cafe with his friends? It's selfish, uncaring and downright wrong.

To be honest, you should be looking at your marriage more. You hardly spend any time together, and the little time you do share he dictates to you. That's not a marriage, that's called being controlled.

He wants you you suffer anxiety and panic attacks for years, just so he MAY get a mortgage for a grotty flat he'll possible never be able to let out, let alone sell. I doubt with his history he will get a mortgage anyway. But why should you and your son feel ill and sick in the stomach because if your husband's selfish, and possible deluded wants.

If I were in your shoes I would pack up all my belongings, including your son's, and move in with your mother or someone else who can help you. You'll eventually find a home of your own, and you'll also feel a whole lot better in every way. Your anxiety will disappear, and so will your son's.
I doubt you'll miss your husband, as you don't to see much of him as it is. And if he can make time each night to sit in cafes with his friends, he can make time to visit his son.

What sort of cafes does he go to at night? It's unusual to spend evenings in a cafe.....they're usually only open during the day.

*Robin*

Lookingforcalm wrote: »

My neighbours are really unapproachable so I can't really ask them anything my flats on sites like home swapper and facebook swap sites but honestly don't think I could swap with people knowing the mess I'd be putting them into.

Think about it. Lots of the homes on swapper sites are people in a similar position to you, OP - they do not share their immediate neighbours' lifestyle and are suffering because of it. You don't want that kind of swap, do you?

But it can be done. One of my friends was in a similar position and battling cancer. Even so the LA wouldn't move her (no suitable properties available). Like you OP, she had gone far beyond being able to converse with her neighbours, but her teenage children were able to talk to their youngsters and mates.

From this, she found out about another dispute between one of her neighbours' mates and his neighbour who was regarded as 'the b***h from hell'.. In fact she's an old lady who like my friend, just wanted peace and quiet.

The old lady and my sick friend both had their homes on swap-sites, but the solution was for friend to swap with old lady's 'party-loving' neighbour - who she managed to speak to because they were not so closely involved with her neighbour-hassle.

The swap went through a couple of months ago; as far as I know, everyone is much happier.

OP, am not suggesting your son might be able to open negotiations as my friend's teenagers could, but your DH sounds 'up for it'.
Perhaps between you, it will be possible to work out the best way to 'sell' a similar solution to one of your neighbour's mates (how much nicer it would be for them if they didn't have to put up with 'the old b***h's' complaints, risk of police visits, hassle from LA etc etc..).
First of course, you would need to do some detective work in finding one of your neighbour's rowdy visitors who is also causing trouble at their own home..

Please don't discount 'sorting it out' yourselves this way, because it can work.
My friend only moved a couple of streets away, so her children didn't have to change schools, she has still got her support network of local friends, and once her kids have cleared all the rubbish out of the garden and finished redecorating - which they had to take responsibility for - her family will have a lovely home.