Coat for a staffie living outside with a homeless guy - advice pls

rubytuesday

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

May be a silly question but are you sure he can write OK ? If he struggles with literacy it would explain his lack of progress.

Just came on here to say the same thing after reading last night .:)

Sometimes people feel embarrassed to say so.

What a lovely doggie.

I inadvertently ended up with a Staffie after fostering one with the Dogs Trust Freedom Project and then adopting him when his family took a property that didn't allow dogs.

Love them now.

Well done with your support xxx

iamashoppingaddict

gettingready wrote: »

I do not mind helping out with cash but we had a bit of incident few weeks ago when I gave him a £20.00 one day and he called me over the next day and asked for "some spare cash" and frankly that made me feel a bit ermm not right.

I did ask about dog food, he said he does not need any. I still get the dog some treats.

I have no issues with what he spend money on but that made me feel a bit uneasy to be honest as I do not spend £20.00 per day on myself and I am pretty sure he got more money on that day not just the £20.00 I gave him.

Got to give this a bit of thought.

What you are doing is wonderful for that beautiful doggy, but personally I would be reluctant to give cash because you don't know what he is spending it on.

There was a big campaign around here over the summer asking people not to give the homeless money and if people wanted to help to donate to local shelters.

I don't know his situation or yours obviously but if he really wanted some help he'd accept anything rather than just cash.

But again I've never been in his position so who would know.

Mattygroves2

gettingready wrote: »

I do not mind helping out with cash but we had a bit of incident few weeks ago when I gave him a £20.00 one day and he called me over the next day and asked for "some spare cash" and frankly that made me feel a bit ermm not right.

I did ask about dog food, he said he does not need any. I still get the dog some treats.

I have no issues with what he spend money on but that made me feel a bit uneasy to be honest as I do not spend £20.00 per day on myself and I am pretty sure he got more money on that day not just the £20.00 I gave him.

Got to give this a bit of thought.

I'd feel a bit odd about him asking for more as well.

However, I bet you do spend £20 a day on yourself if you include all the things you take for granted that he doesn't have. My mortgage is £5 a day for example (and it's at a very low rate), at least £5 on heat and light and at least £5 a day on food with the advantages of having somewhere to cook things. When I was working and buying lunch at the local shop I could easily spend £5 a day on that alone. He will have to buy everything ready made and that is expensive. Plus he's feeding the dog as well which must be another couple of quid - he can't buy in bulk because he's got nowhere to store it.

I'm not trying to play down your fears as there is a big risk that you become an easy touch for him but it can't be easy sleeping on the street.

rubytuesday

What about a sandwich and hot tea or coffee or rotisserie chicken or something rather than the cash.

Sorry- not sure if you are already doing that - can't remember if it was mentioned x

gettingready

Mattygroves - you list things that he does not have to pay for like we do.

I meant I do not spend £20.00 on myself per day on food/drinks. Yes, there will be days I go out for lunch and spend much more but this is beside the point. What I was trying to say - I felt being take for granted and I can not take on a complete support of an extra person on my head. I help yes but there are limits to what I am prepared to do.

It just made me very uncomfortable when he called me over and asked for more money the day after I have given him £20.00. Just uncomfortable.

I help what I can/what I feel comfortable with and do not expect anyone to be forever grateful but do want to be taken for a mug and this is how I felt.

He sits outside a very busy station (Tooting Broadway) and I often see people giving him costa coffee, sandwiches , other food and cash so it is not like the £20.00 I gave him was the only thing he got that day.

I get him food/drinks too,in addition to some cash, treats for the dog as well (he always says he does not want dog food as such).

I offered to get home what he needs - asked him to make a list. He never said he does not need anything and I would be happy to buy few bits and pieces and also got few people offering clothes for example.

I just have a horrible feeling (hope I am wrong) that he is only interested in cash and cash alone is going to be a never ending story. I would be happier to offer other kind of help as well as a bit of cash.

It is a second time I saw him this week and second time the dog did not have the jacket on - again that made me feel uncomfortable as today was pretty cold.

Perhaps he gets more cash when people see him shivering in the cold? I do not know.

I was rushing today, did not stop but will see if I can talk to him perhaps on Friday and take it from there.

Thanks for all the thoughts xx

rubytuesday

I think it would probably be best if you stopped giving him any cash.

£20 is a lot of money to give to someone and then to be asked again for more money the next day isn't right.

I would just continue with the dog treats, food and any practical things if he wants/needs them.

I talked to someone begging with a beautiful staffie pit cross this evening and she had a lovely quilted coat on - so I hope he isn't making the dog 'shiver' for his cause.

As has been said already though staffies are very tough and resilient dogs.

gettingready

Perhaps I got too involved and by trying to help done some damage by raising expectations.

I am not a social worker, perhaps I should just step back. I do not
know.

sheramber

is he really homeless?
Do you know where he sleeps?

A few years ago there were a few 'homeless' begging in Edinburgh that were not in fact homeless. It was just a way of getting more money for nothing.

He may be genuine. I hope he is. but it is something to consider.

gettingready

I am pretty sure he is homeless.

foreign_correspondent

gettingready wrote: »

Perhaps I got too involved and by trying to help done some damage by raising expectations.

I am not a social worker, perhaps I should just step back. I do not
know.

What you are doing is very humane and kind, but there is a fair chance that Gavin may well have addictions (to drugs or alcohol) and/or mental health problems, they are very common issues for people sleeping rough.

If he is an addict, I'm not judging him for this - god only knows the story that lead him to be where he is now, but I expect he has had a lot of setbacks in life. However, having on occasion, worked with young people with addictions, I know the desperation this can drive them to.

For example, I once worked with a lovely lad (he really was intrinsically a nice kid) who had been banned from the family home after he stole his grandma's jewellery, which his mum had kept as a keepsake of her - she was heartbroken... He did this not because he was a horrible person, it was because he was desperate for money to alleviate the pain of withdrawal symptoms. It was not a way he would have behaved otherwise.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if Gavin has addictions, and even if he doesn't, he may well be desperate for money, and this may well surpass any social awareness that may otherwise kick in... this may be something to think about, as he may well start to see you as a source of cash, and this would feel unpleasant for you, after you have been so kind.

Also, be aware that anything you give him may end up being sold - if you are ok with this, then that's fine, but if not, it may be better not to give him anything that isn't consumable (food, dog treats etc)

It may be worth managing his expectations - and letting him know that you aren't wealthy! Anyway, however it turns out, look after yourself in this. Sadly, you can't sort his situation out, but you can be a friendly face, and take the dog the occasional pigs ear!