Three choices in life; Give up, Give in or Give all you've got!!

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Lucky XXX I wish I knew. I went shopping today and started panicking, have got terrible with Mum - CONSTANT worry, freak if she doesn't answer the phone or what ever. I get horribly stressed over work. really freaked out, chest pains the works! And I too didn't used to be like this.


I do wonder if it is because a person can't be constantly under stress, eventually you expect it to stop? and brain kind of goes into overdrive?


I worry so much about Mum. And I know it is over the top and pointless. as you say there is no point whatsoever in worrying about stuff that hasn't happened.

(For God sake I am teary because Lisa has been horrible to Homer and I miss my Dad!)


I have gone back to Susan Jeffers and Feel the Fear and do it anyway. What ever happens we will handle it!


That is what I am going to keep telling myself XXXX


Please make sure you getting sleep Lucks XX and eating properly XXX

Sun_Addict

I wonder if it's a throwback to the day of DH's accident. When you've experienced such trauma it makes you realise that bad things can and will happen - not to other people but to you. I can totally understand. Take care Lucky x

Dansmam

oh plmbl, I don't understand where the panic comes from, all I know is if I breathe and hug someone, even the dog, and tell them I love them, the world is such a good place I get teary x go on, hug the next person, cat, dog or gerbil you see x

beanielou

I have been like that since the At0s episode & just cant through it off.
No easy answers
Keep plodding xx

Dansmam

Good deed today was to allow dog tennis ball theft.Meant nothing because owner handed it back. Still. We tried!

Levi-

It really sounds like classic anxiety disorder Lucky, the worst case scenario thinking going with it is so common. I do the exact same, famously I go from scenario A to scenario Z in 2 seconds flat, scenario Z always the one where obviously I end up in jail/on deathrow/homeless/jobless or anything else my mind can conjure up. It is obviously going to exhaust you because you believe it all to be true and the body enters fight or flight so you start having the physical symptoms too. I don't know if its the same for you but I start to feel my heart going so fast and so loud that I can hear it clearly from 'inside' and then I feel like the top of my head is going to explode from pressure (its probably blood pressure, i dunno). The panic symptoms are terrifying - have your spoken to your doctor about the use of diazapam when it gets really bad? I do find it helps a lot when I get stuck in the cyclone of worry. Like you I also do the same with news stories!
I'm so sorry you'e going through this, wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is truly horrible. Hopefully your week will improve and it will be something that passes or at least subsides again to give you a little peace. Get it all out here though or always can PM me as I truly understand love.. Levi x

grannyx2

Oh honey you have so much on your plate it's hardly surprising you are stressed and have developed these panics. I really think it's time to seek medical advice, who can perhaps teach you some coping strategies, eg meditation.

Big hugs, I hope something gives for you soon

Happy 80th birthday to Grandma too x

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thank you so much everyone. I truly don't know what I would do without you all.

Sorry for my outburst yesterday. It seems daft reading it all back. I'm sorry that so many of you can understand the same feelings though. It really is debilitating. I don't take any medication for it, and I have been waiting for Counselling as a possible help option, but I think you are all right and I might have to see the GP to admit I'm not doing so good.

I have very low self esteem. If someone is upset or annoyed I immediately think it must be my fault and then I start to panic about what it is that I've done. I also think that I've started to run out of positivity, any hope that things might get better is dwindling fast. It feels like we lurch from negative thing to negative thing, so I'm always on alert for the next disaster. I never used to be that way.

When DH had his accident I didn't have time to panic. I had 2 small kids and a house to run, as well as having to sort all monies and visit DH in hospital, followed by a flurry of appointments. At that point we thought DH would recover within 3 months, then 6 months, then 2 years and finally within 3 years. We are now at nearly 4 years and the realisation is dawning that this is probably it now. Nothing much has changed in terms of what I've dealt with in those 4 years, except my positive outlook.

Levi, I experience several of those symptoms and I'm right with you on the worst case scenario thinking. Buffy, I hope you get some relief soon and your Mum is ok. Beanie, I must have missed your At0s episode? Bet that was traumatic Xx

StressedSteph

Hi Lucky,


I remember going to the Drs with Anxiety after dealing with many issues with my mum being ill for nearly two years. The Dr explained that the body/brain goes into high alert/panic mode when under stress and if you are subjected to it for long periods, even when the main stress has gone the brain doesn't know how to switch back down so stays on high alert constantly.


Your stress is constant so you have no break from it, so it is no surprise that it is starting to affect you.


I have no clue how to solve the problem. I do wonder whether a meditation class, yoga or even a therapist to talk through your constant worries may be some release for you.??


Great idea about the kind good deeds. I struggle because almost every good deed I think of ends up costing money (of which we have very little). I am struggling to think of anything I can do for friends that is free???


I am waiting very impatiently for my Agnus Castus to arrive as I have been feeling very anxious this weekend. I laid in bed last night worrying about something happening to the children and other silly morbid thoughts. Heaven knows why..


I am totally the same as you when you mentioned if someone is in a bad mood, I immediately think I have done something.


Hope you are feeling ok today. You need to find something that will help you relax. xxxx

October_Starter

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Aw, thanks so much for that Levi. Such a sweet message. Have to say, right back at ya with the special person thing, you don't feel at your best either yet you are still pulling me up. Thank you.

Sometimes I have reasons for the doom, other times it's just everything. In the last few weeks I've been unnerved by DH's 'uncontrolled' seizure and mood swings, been worried about DS2 who has been poorly, and worried about DS1 who has been having problems at school. All of these things have been quite major, but I can't stop thinking that I've blown them up even more and obsessed over them.

I know some things I have been silly over. Last night, DS1 stayed out at a friends house. I knew there was a potential plan to maybe go to the cinema this morning, but I heard nothing from anyone. I text DS1 twice and the Mum once, and then started panicking that something awful had happened. Sensible me wouldn't have done that. He is now back home (about an hour ago) and has had a wonderful time, so why do I still feel anxious and on edge?! I've been really panicky about doing simple things, like going shopping. Things like the Paris shootings worry me and build in my head to become such sure things to happen to me rather than remote possibilities.

I posted my payslips 2 and a half weeks ago and I haven't heard back yet. I've known it take ages longer than that before, so why am I so bothered that they aren't back yet? Because of the way I've been paid my holidays, I've earned slightly more in the last 6 months than in the 6 months before and I'm worried it will cause a problem. It shouldn't, I'm way under what I am 'allowed' to earn, but when I'm so down with anxiety I start to panic that they will stop the benefit and we won't have anything to live on. Again, totally OTT reaction and not one that is likely to happen, so why am I letting it worry me?!?!

I don't know why I've suddenly become like this .

Hi Lucky

I first started having panic attacks when I was 10 years old. It started off with thoughts of my grandmother who died before I was born. I had been through quite an emotional time previous to that and then a holiday of a lifetime. So many highs and lows that my poor little brain couldn't take it. I was sad that I hadn't been able to meet my grandmother especially as my DM would say so often that she would have loved me. It started feeling as if someone had died. I went into my DM over and over until eventually going to sleep in her bed. That was the beginning of a very long journey. To help you understand that your panic isn't that far fetched I will tell you some of the many things that would make me panic as I was growing up. Starting from 10yrs up until about 20yrs old. My poor DM had a lot to deal with because as a scare 10yr old I latched onto her and didn't let go until I got my first mobile phone at 18.

• Doctors and hospitals (dropped boiling hot tea on my leg, refused to go to hospital as the mention of it sent me into a panic)
• My DM being even 1 minute late to meet me.
• My DM going anywhere without me.
• Flying anywhere.
• Joining after school clubs
• Going to school (although this one was something I couldn't stop doing)
• Missing a bus and not being able to get home.
• Meeting friends without my DM being around.
• Staying away from home without my DM.
• Arguing with my DM for fear she might leave me.
• Getting a job

One of the worst experiences was meeting my DM in town after she finished a class she used to do. They had changed location at the last minute and so someone had given her a lift there and she then had to get a bus to town. We didn't have phones then so I had a full blown panic attack. I was pacing and trying to keep calm. I went into a charity shop and tried to look around while wondering if I could get one of the staff to help me calm down. She was 20minutes late. Nothing massive.

It's right what the others have said, you have been under lots of stress but always with the hopes that it will get better and things would return to how they were. It is now starting to sink in that this may not be the case. That has to have an impact.

I know that no one could stop the feelings and thoughts I had but me. They eased off when my DM was around because she was my safe zone but it was no way to live. The counsellor will likely give you exersizes to do when you start feeling it coming which will help.

For me, I think of the worst scenarios but then I say, right.. what are you going to do? I think about every avenue of possibility. For example, if I was worried about something happening with DS1, I would go through everything, If he was hurt, how would I deal with it? Not just saying well I would take him to hospital or call an ambulance but saying right, I need to stop what I am doing, I need to call the ambulance or get DS2 and DH and take DS1 to hospital in the car, I will go this way and then we will do this... etc etc etc. Now imagine if you did that for everything you worried over. By the time you had worked out all the things you would do, you find that the panicking eases a little. Panic attacks can be very physical as well as mental, hyperventilating, rapid heart beats, shakes in the arms and legs, the feeling of needing to be sick or having to dash to the toilet. The best cure for those symptoms, a paperbag. It may seem cliche but breathing in and out of a paperbag (I used to use a mushroom bag you get at the supermarket) helps your breathing to become regulated etc.

When I was little I was ashamed of my panic attacks, thinking I was weird and abnormal. I used to find every excuse under the sun not to go out with my friends, simply because I was terrified. I think if someone told me how to deal with them and how to cope with those feelings I might have got over it faster. It was only me and DM and I refused to allow her to take me to the doc. I thought I was crazy and the idea of drugs also terrified me.. ridiculous but that was how it was.

It is ok. It will get better and don't think for one second you are crazy or stupid or any of those things because you aren't anything of the sort. You have got through so much and you will get through this too. Like everything it will take time. You can do it. I know you can because I did.

October xx