Is she an auntie?

gettingtheresometime

snowleopard61 wrote: »

I didn’t think my ex-mother-in-law would welcome being called Mum (which was what my own mother called her mother-in-law, so I would have felt comfortable with it - ETA she actually called her Mother, which is a bit formal!) but on the other hand couldn’t quite bring myself to call her by her Christian name, so I never called her anything at all really! I wonder if there are other daughters-in-law like me out there.

I call my fiance’s mum by her Christian name and feel fine with it - she's just a warmer, friendlier person so it's easy. I’d also be happy to call her Mum but wouldn’t like her own daughter to think I was muscling in somehow.

I never called my MIL anything either....

Flossie.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Yes, of course he is!

My husband's brother was married for a number of years (about 13-14,) to his first wife, and they had a child, and me and hubby were her uncle and auntie. (And our daughter was her cousin.)

They got divorced some 5 years ago, and he remarried, but his ex wife still regards us as her SIL and BIL and niece, and their daughter most definitely still regards us as her uncle and auntie and cousin still. Yes the new wife regards us and SIL and BIL and niece, which we are, but that doesn't mean my husband's brother's ex wife and child, aren't still SIL and niece, because they are. We regard each other as family, and always will.

You don't just stop becoming something because a marriage breaks down.

You may as well say that our daughter is no longer entitled to call their daughter 'cousin' anymore? They were close all through childhood and still remain close now. So is the cousin (our niece,) meant to cut ties with the family she has always known, because her mum and dad split up when she was a teenager?

I am inclined to agree with this.

When I was about 30, (almost 20 years ago,) my aunt Fiona and Uncle Mike got divorced after 25 years of marriage. (Fiona is my mother's sister.) I see Mike a couple of times a month up town, and in the pub every other month or so, and even to this day, I still call him uncle Mike, and of course their two children always have been, and always will be my cousins.

My auntie and he still get OK. And my grandmother still classes him as a son-in-law, and he visits her about once a month still. Well, her daughter (my aunt) and he were together for 30 years! (Married 25!) And he is the father of her grandchildren. She classes my sister's new husband (married 11 years now,) as a son-in-law too, but who says you can't have more than one?

Lily-Rose_3

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I never called my MIL anything either....

What if you wanted to get her attention if you were with her?

Did you just wave your hands in front of her face?!

Or throw your handbag at her head?! :rotfl:

Georgiegirl256

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Yes, of course he is!

My husband's brother was married for a number of years (about 13-14,) to his first wife, and they had a child, and me and hubby were her uncle and auntie. (And our daughter was her cousin.)

They got divorced some 5 years ago, and he remarried, but his ex wife still regards us as her SIL and BIL and niece, and their daughter most definitely still regards us as her uncle and auntie and cousin still. Yes the new wife regards us and SIL and BIL and niece, which we are, but that doesn't mean my husband's brother's ex wife and child, aren't still SIL and niece, because they are. We regard each other as family, and always will.

You don't just stop becoming something because a marriage breaks down.

You may as well say that our daughter is no longer entitled to call their daughter 'cousin' anymore? They were close all through childhood and still remain close now. So is the cousin (our niece,) meant to cut ties with the family she has always known, because her mum and dad split up when she was a teenager?

Cousins are different because they are blood related, so of course they don't stop becoming cousins when a marriage breaks down.

I guess it depends on how close families are? When people seperate and become exes, then if they remain close, I'd agree with you that they are still their Uncle and can still be called Uncle....however, technically they are no longer related and technically he isn't really her uncle but obviously can still be called it.

My god parents aren't blood related, and therefore have never been my proper Aunty and uncle, but they always will be too me.

Buzzybee90

If my auntie/uncles marriages broke down they'd still be uncles to me. I don't class my auntie as any more my relation because she's blood related. However if they then remarried I wouldn't consider the new spouse my uncle just because he was married to my auntie. It really boils down to how it was when you were a child as that's when these sort of things are formed.

My best friends dad has just remarried but his new wife's children (they're all adults) will never be her siblings, even if they are technically step-siblings.

jaylee3

I agree with everyone

Because you're all right: (or wrong.)

It's subjective.

My uncle (mother's brother,) was married for 30 years, (they got married before I was born. I will call them Uncle John and Auntie Jane.) Then they got divorced about ten years ago.

John got remarried in 2007 to 'Babs,' and as nice as she is, I can't bring myself to call her 'aunty' even though she is a generation older than me (and not the same age or anything...) And I don't think I ever will class her as an auntie. I just call her Babs. But Jane always has been, and always will be my auntie. I still have her in my life, and we are close.

Maybe you still classing them as your aunt or uncle even when your (blood) relative and they divorce, is to do with how old you were when they became your aunt or uncle, or how long they were your aunt or uncle, or if you grew up with them, or if they were the 'first' wife or husband.

My friend's daughter (13,) classes her uncle Dan's new wife Lily as her auntie, even though he and she have only been together 5 years, and married 2 years, (she is his first wife,) and they are only in their 20s.

But she doesn't class her uncle Tom's wife (who he married last year,) as an aunt, because he was married before too, for 15 years, to Maria, and she knew Maria as auntie since she was born! His new wife is just 'Lily.'

Then I have another aunt (Pauline.) who was my uncle Jim's second wife (he was married 10 years but his wife- my auntie Jill - died,) and I do class HER as an aunt. Not sure why. Maybe because the other wife of my uncle Jim (Jill) died? Not sure.

I also know (as Georgie touched upon,) that you can even class step aunts and step uncles and step cousins/brother/sisters as close as blood relatives, whilst regarding someone who IS a blood relative, as nothing to you.

I don't buy into the old adage that blood is thicker than water. I have seen far too many people who are related (very closely in some cases,) hurt each other very badly.

But it is definitely subjective, and there is no right or wrong.

surreysaver

Solarjunkie wrote: »

I'd never thought of this before, but I suppose there are 2 sorts of auntie, the actual and the honourary. In our family too we have always taken only blood relatives to be actual aunts or uncles - but always called their spouses uncle and aunt anyway! Judging by many other posts, that makes us weird, but as far as I'm concerned I have had 4 aunts and 4 uncles all my life.

I wouldn't call them 'honourary' aunties or uncles. They are actual, and legal, aunties and uncles by marriage. Perhaps 'auntie/uncle-in-law' might be a more appropriate term, like you have 'mother/father/sister/brother-in-law'.

Sometimes you get family friends calling themselves auntie or uncle, which I find disconcerting, as it gives other people the impression they are a relation when they are not. Perhaps these 'aunties and uncles' should be 'honourary'?

JimmyTheWig

pollyanna24 wrote: »

The one that really gets me is my ex's gf's parents. My children refer to them as nanny and grandad.

Depends on the relationship between your ex and his gf. If they are living together in a stable relationship (i.e. as if they are married) then she is your children's step mother and so to call her parents nanny and grandad sounds right to me.

My ex called my cousins my kids' aunty and uncle once and I just thought, No they're not!!! They're their cousins (ok, maybe a few times removed or whatever), so why confuse them?!

I agree with you that they're not aunty and uncle (they're first cousins once removed) but I bet this is fairly common. It's like calling great-aunties and great-uncles auntie and uncle. It's not technically correct but many people do it.

But this...

He also has them call his friends' parents, Nanny ..... (whatever their name is) and Grandad ....... (again their name). Again, I don't get this.

... this is just weird!

JimmyTheWig

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

I don't know whether marriage is a factor, or if it depends on whether you were 'aunt' when the child was born, or you came along later on.

I agree with this.
We had the situation before we were married where I wasn't an uncle to my wife's sister's child (who was born before we got together) but my wife was an auntie to my sister's child (who was born after we were living as if we were married). I became uncle when we married.

Likewise, my SIL's boyfriend wasn't uncle to our children until he married my SIL as he came on the scene after the children were born.

Mojisola

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

If my auntie/uncles marriages broke down they'd still be uncles to me. I don't class my auntie as any more my relation because she's blood related. However if they then remarried I wouldn't consider the new spouse my uncle just because he was married to my auntie. It really boils down to how it was when you were a child as that's when these sort of things are formed.

"Technically" they wouldn't be your uncles. An uncle is either the brother of one of your parents or the husband of one of their sisters.

That doesn't mean your relationship has to change or that you have to stop calling them uncles if you want to - as others have said, people use the terms "aunt" and "uncle" as an honorific for a variety of people who aren't dictionary definition "aunts" and "uncles".