Anxiety and Debt Free Wannabe

Woodster76

Not much to report on just been working all week and have very little me time! Do get a bit fed up with it all.

Went over my shopping budget by double this week! When I went round I thought ow I could pay some of it with my Mr M coupons. Only I didn't hand them in :wall: Always next week and hopefully make sure it's a smaller shop.

Came across an old nect@r card in my stuff and just registered it and found it has £10 on it. And received a £3 coupon from Mr T. Think I shall use em tomorrow towards Xmas presents. Just got to remember to hand em in!

So I've just counted up my debts and managed to pay off £227.01 this week! DD came out for one loan. Paid off £100 off the large c/c and small bits paid off the small c/c.

The week ahead? Work work work, try and get a bit more Xmas shopping done and pay more bits off my debt. They're will be another loan payment to come out plus I will be paid from second job on Friday. Hopefully I can use all of that towards my debts. Just need to make a few calculations to make sure I don't overstretch myself this month.

Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend

Woodster76

Just been looking at my bank account to see how much I spent in Mr M in total and according to the Mr M petrol debit - only a £1 is due to come out!!!? :huh: I topped the car up with £15 worth of fuel! I did use the self service pump
Then again I did have to swipe my card and sign for my groceries 10 min before. either the bank having a problem or Mr M pay terminals were having a funny half hour. We'll see what gets deducted in the next couple of days!

Woodster76

Measly £37.85 paid off the debt this week. Leaves me with another £8408.29 to pay off! My smallest loan came out and it annoys me that £14ish was interest. Really really grates on me!

Been a spendie week as well. Feels like it has. I mean I had 4nsd's Monday to Thursday. Thursday I work all day and do my 2nd job in the evening so don't have time to eat or probably more like I don't make time to eat that I'm starving Friday morning and buy !!!!. Saturday my weekly food shop and top up the car with petrol. I couldn't be bothered with the shopping and ended up with one meal and a bag of potatoes and loads more !!!! for £34. Petrol top up cost me £25. Would have been less but a few days ago after seeing the solicitor I got to work looked at my mobile to see 8 missed calls and voicemail asking me to come back I had another form to sign and had to do a 40 mile round trip to sign the form and the never ending divorce saga continues. It's coming towards the end - needs to get signed off by the court. He then sends me the money for buying me out of the house and then I can apply for the absolut.

The plans for the money was to keep it and put it towards a deposit for a house but seriously thinking by using the money to pay off the debts so I don't get hammered on interest. I've worked out between 1 credit card and three loans I must be paying £90ish per month in interest. I'll still be in debt to the settlement money but seems like the most sensible choice. Until that money comes through I'll keep chipping away at the debts.

I was planning to use my part time wage to pay off some of the debt of the smallest loan but I've moved the wage out of my current account into another account incase I find myself short towards my full time job pay day mid Dec. I should be ok but just incase!

Part time job Staff discount is up to 20% instead of the 10% as of tomorrow until next Sat. I'm off for a week from there but I need to pop to the area on Thursday evening so will have a good think what I can get and do my weekly shop that evening. Plus I need to pick up my new uniform.

I need to be more organised with my money and my time and try harder at being more organised!

Woodster76

Just updated signature. £165.21 paid off this week. Largest monthly loan repayment paid. and paid a few bits here and there but swallowed up by the interest on the loan - grrrrr! But Yeah hit the 10% paid off mark. so that brings my total to £933.03 paid since mid Oct. Leaves another £8243.08 to pay.

Solicitors obviously doesn't want to speak to me after his !!!! up last week. Emailed me earlier this week and says he's aiming to get this all sorted by Christmas. I won't hold my breath! Some of the money from the settlement will go towards the debts and then I will repay back that money as quickly as possible to the settlement.

Until I receive that money my main aim this week is to hit the £1000 repaid back mark. That's £66.97 to find. I'll be honest my account doesn't look healthy. I went a bit mad with the grocery shopping last week as I had 20% staff discount. Bought a lot of cleaning stuff, dad's fave wine so should get some money back from him. Still haven't paid over my part time wage over to the loan just see how the next few days go.....

Woodster76

..... I went away to have a think and I reckon I can survive on what is in the cupboard, fridge and freezer until the new year. I will need to pick up bread milk & chicken during the month. Save myself £10-£15pw claw back some of the money from the major spends in Mr M last week.

In other news, a colleague handed in her notice last week so there will be a permanent position available. She told me she was leaving 6 weeks ago just needed confirmation of when she would start. Hardest 6 weeks of keeping that a secret. See what has been said tomorrow as I was off last Friday.

Paid off £4.20 off the debt this evening. Waiting for £5.00 paypal payment from swagbugs and that will be transferred to debt. Another £57.77 to find. Not hopeful I'll make the £1000 mark by the end of the week. But I'll try.

Woodster76

Feel like I've been treading on water trying to keep myself afloat these last couple of months trying not to let the the feelings of anxiety drown me, but after a few days off sick this week with really bad symptoms (which I thought was to do with something else) I tried to get myself ready for work this morning only to end up drowning with the feeling of I can't cope, I don't know what to do and why can't I control this?

Called the Dr's to make an appointment and rang in sick again.

Dr's confirmed I was showing signs of stress and anxiety and I have been signed off work for two weeks. I refused the tablets and was asked to book another appointment with another Dr next week to rule out what I thought was something else and to think about the tablets.

I really can't afford to take time off. I think I'll be climbing up the walls soon. But I do need to sort the anxiety issues. The Dr did give me website to look at and work through to see if it helps me. Can only give it a go.

Gave my sick note into Mr M and they told me I would face a disciplinary. New rule no verbal warning no written - straight to a disciplinary. I wouldn't mind if I phoned in sick with a migraine - fine, but I've got a medical cert - but thems the rules!

Need to phone my main job in the morning. With a permanent position available not sure if it'll scupper things for me. They know I suffer from anxiety because whenever the solicitor called to discuss the divorce I tend to get angry and upset for a couple of days afterwards. My coping mechanism was to say to them give me more work so I don't think about it. Maybe this is why I'm in this situation now. A week off from Mr M gave me a whole weekend to think too much.

Last week I was optimistic. Solicitors emailed me to say he was aiming to get the divorce finalised by Christmas. It's been over a week now, I've emailed him to ask if there was any news from the courts agreeing that the transfer of monies and house can be done. But not heard back. I start thinking the worse. He could be busy and he works part there.... waiting game.

The permanent position coming up should I get it, would allow me to start looking next summer for a place of my own.

I know I can't control everything. Doesn't matter on how focused I am to sorting out my future I always seem to be reminded of the past by the divorce and solicitors - it sets off the anxieties.

I need to face and sort out the anxiety over the next two weeks before it pulls me right under into a depression.

nkkingston

This is a stressful time of year at the best of times, so don't be too hard on yourself, and don't force yourself to soldier on and do more harm than good in the long run. There's no harm in having bad days, but if you think they're going to start piling up, I'd consider taking the doctor up on the pills. You don't have to stay on them forever, but they might help make it easier to weather the worst of the storm while the divorce etc are still dragging on. Are they ones you've had before, or something different?

A disciplinary seems very harsh when you've got a doctor's note and everything - I'm sure it's set up to put off certain staff calling in sick when they're actually hungover, but it's the exact opposite of a helpful approach for mental health issues. Depending how you're feeling on the day, I'd be tempted to call them out on it.

Here's a bit of a weird one for anxiety relief, but it works like magic for a lot of people: ASMR videos. Those super soft noises that make your scalp tickle can be really soothing. Book pages whispering against each other always makes me shiver in a nice way. It's a good way to head off anxiety attacks, because you're shifting the sensations you're focusing on. Meditation can be good too - instead of stressing about the past or anticipating the future, look for practices that centre you in the present. Look back over your last few posts: you've been doing amazingly recently. Celebrate yourself in the moment.

Solicitors move at a snail's pace. Set your expectations super low on that front, and let yourself be pleasantly surprised every now and then. You'll find he suddenly resurfaces with everything at once at some point, and you'll wish he'd go quiet again!

heartbreak_star

Why did you refuse the meds?

I can explain the £1 petrol thingy - that comes off straight away to show your card is legitimate, the rest will come out a few days later. I've had it happen to me haha!

HBS x

Woodster76

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Why did you refuse the meds?

I can explain the £1 petrol thingy - that comes off straight away to show your card is legitimate, the rest will come out a few days later. I've had it happen to me haha!

HBS x

The meds well I don't think I'm in the depths of depression yet like the last time I was on them. They sedated me that I was off work for months and could hardly function. I assume they were the same tablets he was going to put me on. I don't want to put myself through that again. Just see how I get on over the next couple of weeks.

Oh yeah the petrol thing I won't get too excited next time it happens :rotfl:

Woodster76

nkkingston wrote: »

This is a stressful time of year at the best of times, so don't be too hard on yourself, and don't force yourself to soldier on and do more harm than good in the long run. There's no harm in having bad days, but if you think they're going to start piling up, I'd consider taking the doctor up on the pills. You don't have to stay on them forever, but they might help make it easier to weather the worst of the storm while the divorce etc are still dragging on. Are they ones you've had before, or something different?

A disciplinary seems very harsh when you've got a doctor's note and everything - I'm sure it's set up to put off certain staff calling in sick when they're actually hungover, but it's the exact opposite of a helpful approach for mental health issues. Depending how you're feeling on the day, I'd be tempted to call them out on it.

Here's a bit of a weird one for anxiety relief, but it works like magic for a lot of people: ASMR videos. Those super soft noises that make your scalp tickle can be really soothing. Book pages whispering against each other always makes me shiver in a nice way. It's a good way to head off anxiety attacks, because you're shifting the sensations you're focusing on. Meditation can be good too - instead of stressing about the past or anticipating the future, look for practices that centre you in the present. Look back over your last few posts: you've been doing amazingly recently. Celebrate yourself in the moment.

Solicitors move at a snail's pace. Set your expectations super low on that front, and let yourself be pleasantly surprised every now and then. You'll find he suddenly resurfaces with everything at once at some point, and you'll wish he'd go quiet again!

So sorry nkkingston I didn't see your reply.

Yeah I do feel like calling their bluff. I mean 1 in 4 staff will have gone through, or currently going through or will go through some kind of mental health issue. I know another staff member is going through anxiety like me and the other week she came into work and you could tell she was physically unwell and it took another member of staff to convince the manager to let her go home. She had already asked herself if she could go home but the manager told her she could face another disciplinary. I was so annoyed with the manager just felt like he was throwing his weight around.

My mum works for Mr S and it's the same there. Mum was suffering badly with a cold but she went to work. Her nose was running and she was coughing a lot. I'm sure the customers loved that. Germs galore on your fresh produce! She was sent home eventually. She phoned in sick on her next shift and the Manager told her to go to the Dr's? What? A) for a cold and it's sometimes not possible to make a same day appointment!
This has come into place from some Union for retailers. Personnel did mention this to me when I handed in my sick note. I said I've handed in the sick note. The dr doesn't think I'm mentally well. I want to work but my mind won't let me because the divorce is giving me anxiety. She asked about my other job and their sick policy and I said not as strict as this one!

I've not yet told them that part of the anxiety is serving some of the soon to be ex, work Colleagues who come to my till and seem to want to get information out of me of what I'm doing. Then they say something to me about me that I know I haven't told em. It's information they have got from him through my solicitors. I have sent him a text a few weeks ago saying what you read is not information I want you to have. My life is nothing to do with you now. So I'd appreciate not talking about me to your girlfriend or work colleagues.

Last couple of divorce forms they wanted an address for me. I saw that he had to sign it and I told the solicitor I do not want him knowing where I live. Making him sound like some kind of monster. He was mentally manipulative. But when I'm done with someone -I'm done! During our last arguement I think he realised he never really loved me. To this day I don't understand how I fell for him! Anyways...

It was mentioned during my chat with personnel to get myself transferred to another Mr M closer to home. I will bring that up probably when I'm suppose to have a 'how are you getting on' meeting which should be next week. I checked with them if they had my new address - no! I left a letter with my new details with the supervisor a couple of months ago. I started filling out a change form - badly and asked where my letter was. She said it's probably been filed. I thought sod this the letter is either filed or missing. If they want my details they can track the letter down. So I honestly couldn't remember the end bit of the post code or my new mob no. If they want a meeting with me they can find the letter. Actually I may send a strong worded email I just happen to have the stores email address. Saying if they had the letter and I really need to complete a change form then I should of been notified. If they can't be bothered why should I? Do wonder whose got my new personal details. I work in payroll I take personnel details changes with a signature so I can look back in their file to ensure the signatures are the same. Why can't Mr M do the same?

Yeah the Dr gave me some website to look at to see if it would help. I'll be honest I've not looked at it. I will.