Co-sleeping and overnights with NRP

eskimo26

FBaby wrote: »

Or the child has said to mum 'please mum, don't make me go, I really don't want to if they are going to force me to sleep alone'. I wouldn't think that except that OP has stated in her first posts that mum had said that was the reason and I think it shouldn't be dismissed that she might not be lying.

I don't doubt this but i also wouldn't be surprised if this is exactly what the overbearing Mother wanted to hear so she can push her own agenda. I'm sure she jumped on it with both hands.

She sounds like a control freak with no life of her own who frankly needs to get laid or find a partner. As another poster mentioned things often change when they find partners of their own. :rotfl:

I know you wouldn't do this and i'm going to get jumped on and savaged for saying it but if someone was messing me around like this when they had absolutely no right, I would mess them around regarding child support. I'm sure i'd change my mind if i ever actually became a father but actually thinking about the situation now i'm very much of the no contact, no money attitude. ok i'm ready for my lynching. :A P:

Marisco

eskimo26 wrote: »

I don't doubt this but i also wouldn't be surprised if this is exactly what the overbearing Mother wanted to hear so she can push her own agenda. I'm sure she jumped on it with both hands.

She sounds like a control freak with no life of her own who frankly needs to get laid or find a partner. As another poster mentioned things often change when they find partners of their own. :rotfl:

I know you wouldn't do this and i'm going to get jumped on and savaged for saying it but if someone was messing me around like this when they had absolutely no right, I would mess them around regarding child support. I'm sure i'd change my mind if i ever actually became a father but actually thinking about the situation now i'm very much of the no contact, no money attitude. ok i'm ready for my lynching. :A P:

I think they should pass a law, similar to what they have in Oz and I believe, Canada, that if the PWC refuses contact for "silly burger" reasons, then maintenance gets stopped as well. This would concentrate the minds of these bitter, selfish women if the cash stopped rolling in!!

eskimo26

Marisco wrote: »

I think they should pass a law, similar to what they have in Oz and I believe, Canada, that if the PWC refuses contact for "silly burger" reasons, then maintenance gets stopped as well. This would concentrate the minds of these bitter, selfish women if the cash stopped rolling in!!

Well as amazing as our country is i do think those places are a lot more forward thinking on a lot more issues, we seem to be quite stuck in the mud and less progressive by nature which i suppose is understandable given their short and more modern history.

The thing about England is that these things never work out the way they should, for example i can imagine it requiring another expensive court visit by the parent wanting visitation. The practicalities of these things is often not so great though it sounds fair in principle.

For example the issue could genuinely be with the child and not the main carer in some rare cases.

moomoomama27

This whole situation has occurred because the PWC is a twisted, bitter and jealous person.

If you have been in SDs life for 4.5yrs without incidence, how on earth can the PWC think there is an issue with you watching the child? The only reason is control and jealousy.

She is damaging that child with these overbearing demands, and the child is not being able to develop in a healthy way.

I would be getting advice on this, either a solicitor dealing in family law, or advice from CAB. Your OH, if in England, will have full parental responsibility of a child born after 2003. So he does have the right to speak with the school, and I'm sure they may be able to help, because it does sound as though this child us suffering emotionally, due to the PWCs behaviour.

Why women do this is beyond me. My Ohs ex did this, unfortunately no parental care, and despite paying out thousands in legal bills, he got nowhere with contact, it was only when they reached 18 that they came looking with stories of horror at the way they were manipulated, moved to avoid OH etc..

cazziebo

Gosh! People are building up a very nasty picture of someone who is not able to give their point of view on this thread! There is ALWAYS at least three sides to every story...

My two daughters went through stages they didn't want to go to their dad's (and stages where they wanted to go and live with him). Sometimes there didn't seem to be a reason. Rather than make it a big drama we would just let it go for a few weeks. As a mother, I wouldn't force my child to stay away overnight if it upset her and I'd guess most mothers would be the same.

The co sleeping is a bit strange but do we know there isn't another reason for it? DD2 would sleep with me sometimes at that age because of the noise the wind made at her bedroom window.

The two parents have to work this out maturely.

Marisco

cazziebo wrote: »

Gosh! People are building up a very nasty picture of someone who is not able to give their point of view on this thread! There is ALWAYS at least three sides to every story...

Whilst I understand what you're saying, there are bitter ex's out there, who are more than willing to make life as difficult as possible, and the child usually cops the flack. My oh's ex was 10 times worse than the op's oh's ex, if I wrote down what she said/done, no burger would believe me. It would read more like fiction than reality! :eek:

silvercar

Gosh! People are building up a very nasty picture of someone who is not able to give their point of view on this thread! There is ALWAYS at least three sides to every story...

Trying to see it from the ex's POV.

The only way I see that is if she is trying to put pressure on him to be around on the 1 night a week he has his daughter. So saying it is not acceptable for OP to have overnight care if the ex isn't around in the hope that he will prioritise having his daughter over his work schedule.

Of course this makes no allowance for him being unable to change his work schedule, but maybe she believes that the laws on flexible working applications should allow him to be free on the 1 night he has his daughter.

TBagpuss

Ideally of cours this would be something which the parents would communicate about. Has your partners considered referring to mediation prior to applying to the court?

If he does need to return to court then he could also ask the Judge to confirm to Mum that she cannot exclude you from looking after your step-daughter.

The transpoer issue is a diferent one - it would normally be perfectly reasonable for mum to do some of this, and from you to be able to drop SD off if dad is not available.

in the short term, can your husband sleep on daughter's floor to get her used to sleeping in a separate bedroom in the short term, to build up to a point where she is more used to sleeping alone. It might help SD to know what the pattern is - e.g. if she knows her dad will be sleeping in the same room then she may sleep better, then when she is sleeping through on that basis, he can start moving further away.

You and he can also give her lots of reassurance about how close you are and that it is OK for her to come into your room if she has any problems. Would it be practical for her to go to bed in your bed and then be moved into her own bed after she has fallen asleep? Or for herto have a mattress on your floor?

Obviously you should not involve he r in the dispute between her mum and dad by asking her if she wants to stay over, but you could talk to her about what would make her more comfortable about sleeping in her won room - e.g. door open, your bedroom door open, night-light, big teddy if she is used to sleeping in a huddle etc.

duchy

I think we do need to remember we are hearing this from a biased viewpoint. A woman who now lives with the father and isn't considered an appropriate person to care for the child solo (and we have no evidence either way to know if this is a justified stance or not) .

The new woman always tends to believe that the mother is the she devil and is completely in the wrong ............. amazing really that these men always seem to marry she devils first time around and saints the second

For all we know the 8 year old may intensely dislike the new woman .......or may think in the twisted way that kids do that if she won't sleep at Daddy's house then Daddy will come back to Mummy's house........or she has decided that there is a monster under her bed at Dad's

Dad may have left telling Mum very late about the shifts he couldn't have the child....or not told her at all and shipped in Granny- and Granny told her ....and Mum is dealing with bedtime problems as well as is justifiably annoyed if she was kept in the dark when she felt it was avoidable-we simply don't know .

Both parents may genuinely believe they are doing right by the daughter but as the OP told us Dad was getting angry (one wonders with whom) so maybe the RP is tired of him shouting at her about a situation she feels (rightly or wrongly) he caused in the first place

OR

She could be a complete cow who only lets the child share her bed so she won't want to sleep alone at her Dad's - we simply don't know.

FatVonD

Marisco wrote: »

Then her mother needs to get a grip and stop pandering to her, she's not a baby, she's 8 years old, nearly 9 according to the op!

I think most are in agreement but unfortunately the mother isn't going to do that so either the dad needs to find a way to work round it or he will see less of his daughter.