Co-sleeping and overnights with NRP

FBaby

OH has discussed the issue with SD, but she's entirely of the mindset that what mum says goes, and if mum doesn't think she should be able to sleep alone then she shouldn't.

Sorry but I very much doubt this. What you are implying is that she would be prepared to consider sleeping alone, but because her mum says she doesn't have to, then she will do as much says. Really? And mum is making it up that DS herself doesn't want to come?

It sounds to me that as it is often the case, your step-daughter is caught in the middle not wanting to upset anyone. She won't tell her dad how she really feels but she doesn't want him to be upset with her, so it is easier to tell mum so that dad can be upset with dad rather than her.

FatVonD

Whatever anybody thinks about the co-sleeping you are not going to be able to effect a change if the ex is not on board, she is with her mum 6 nights a week and at your house just 1. Since the mum isn't on board you have a few choices:

The overnight visits stop

Gran starts coming to stay again

DSD sleeps on a camp bed in your room

DSD sleeps on the sofa where she's aware of the two of you pottering around still while she's drifting off to sleep.

DSD sleeps with her dad and you move into her room (her mum would probably love this so you'd have to invent a job or a sick relative that requires you to be away that night each week thus leaving a space in DSD's dad's bed so she doesn't get the satisfaction of knowing she has turfed you out of your bed.)

Are there any cousins that could come for a sleepover?

FatVonD

By which I mean you don't actually stay away that night, just let the mother believe that's why a space has been freed up in the bed!

catkins

duchy wrote: »

No I'm saying there's adults with agendas and a child stuck in the middle.

This poor kid had a perfectly good sleeping habit at your house- despite it been the polar opposite to how she sleeps the other six nights and instead of leaving it alone the adults put their needs first. The result a confused little girl who now gets upset at bedtime-so upset about it her mother needs to step in and end overnight stays. As the adults don't seem to communicate very well it seems the child was upset enough to tell her mother.

Children like and need routine -and resident parents tend to get stubborn if the child comes home from an access visit upset.

But the OP DID have a routine. It is the ex who won't allow the OP to have the child alone so MIL had to stay meaning there was no spare bed for the child to sleep in.


Why do you not read posts properly?

fawd1

duchy wrote: »

Sounds like the father needs to grow up a bit - The child won't sleep at your house-and he wants to use a six year old to be forced somewhere she is unable to sleep by an access order ? Not exactly a good idea.

Sounds like it's all about what he wants-everyone has to fit in with his work shifts and now that has caused damage to his child he still wants to force her to stay ?

Is he really that dim? It's not about his wants it's about his daughter's needs .

Very harsh. Number 1, I would say that the first thing that his daughter needs is to learn to sleep alone. She is 8 years old, not a baby. It's one thing if they have a nightmare, quite another for it to be the norm and therefore demanded. Number 2, the damage caused to the child has been done so by the fact that she's being allowed to co-sleep at the age of 8!!!, and now throws a tantrum when she isn't allowed. The fathers job has nothing to do with it, he works and the daughter and ex should understand that in order to get on in life you have to have a job and that sometimes that involves doing things you don't want. The ex needs to grow up and come to an agreement, first of which should be to teach her daughter to sleep in her own bed when in her home.

Lieja

Well ex has refused to allow SD to come at all, and is refusing to compromise on another time OH can see SD. She has entirely blanked him all day since he agreed to not have her sleep over and asked to discuss a compromise.

How on earth can a mother think that behaving like this is good for her child?

Marisco

Lieja wrote: »

Well ex has refused to allow SD to come at all, and is refusing to compromise on another time OH can see SD. She has entirely blanked him all day since he agreed to not have her sleep over and asked to discuss a compromise.

How on earth can a mother think that behaving like this is good for her child?

She couldn't give a monkeys, all she can see is how she feels, what she wants and no one else matters! Very selfish attitude but it doesn't surprise me though!

FBaby

She couldn't give a monkeys, all she can see is how she feels, what she wants and no one else matters! Very selfish attitude but it doesn't surprise me though!

Or the child has said to mum 'please mum, don't make me go, I really don't want to if they are going to force me to sleep alone'. I wouldn't think that except that OP has stated in her first posts that mum had said that was the reason and I think it shouldn't be dismissed that she might not be lying.

splishsplash

Lieja wrote: »

Well ex has refused to allow SD to come at all, and is refusing to compromise on another time OH can see SD. She has entirely blanked him all day since he agreed to not have her sleep over and asked to discuss a compromise.

How on earth can a mother think that behaving like this is good for her child?

FBaby wrote: »

Or the child has said to mum 'please mum, don't make me go, I really don't want to if they are going to force me to sleep alone'. I wouldn't think that except that OP has stated in her first posts that mum had said that was the reason and I think it shouldn't be dismissed that she might not be lying.

My concern is that the mother is now going to turn it against the dad and OP saying that they 'don't want' SD for sleepovers.
She sounds extremely bitter.

Marisco

FBaby wrote: »

Or the child has said to mum 'please mum, don't make me go, I really don't want to if they are going to force me to sleep alone'. I wouldn't think that except that OP has stated in her first posts that mum had said that was the reason and I think it shouldn't be dismissed that she might not be lying.

Then her mother needs to get a grip and stop pandering to her, she's not a baby, she's 8 years old, nearly 9 according to the op!