Christmas for adult children

JIL

My parents give me money £25, she also gives the same amount to my husband and our three children. ( their grandchildren). She gives the same to my brother and his wife and four children. My youngest brother who earns a lot, has paid off his mortgage but is single and no children get £120.
My children are all adults, we give them £300 cash and also buy a few presents to open, such as toiletries, socks, nandos gift cards on Christmas day. I make sure they have the same amount of presents to open and check the spending is the same. My husband never minds how I spend his and our money but he always insists that we always give generously to our children at Christmas.

maman

JIL wrote: »

My parents give me money £25, she also gives the same amount to my husband and our three children. ( their grandchildren). She gives the same to my brother and his wife and four children. My youngest brother who earns a lot, has paid off his mortgage but is single and no children get £120.
My children are all adults, we give them £300 cash and also buy a few presents to open, such as toiletries, socks, nandos gift cards on Christmas day. I make sure they have the same amount of presents to open and check the spending is the same. My husband never minds how I spend his and our money but he always insists that we always give generously to our children at Christmas.

Your post reminds me of when my mother used to send me spending money when I was going on holiday. My brothers are younger than me and had small children so holidays were expensive times for them. We didn't need the money but she always insisted on treating us all the same.


I think my issue with Christmas is that there's so much tat about and people end up buying rubbish. Shops seem geared up to encourage this. I'm no Scrooge but I'm much happier since our family started doing 'no presents for adults' and just enjoy the food, drink and company. We still treat our grown up children but it's more likely to be with one big present for birthdays and money for holidays. I suppose it's different if you know there are things you'd want and couldn't afford them yourself.

tea_lover

snowleopard61 wrote: »

Something that really has surprised me is how often posters have experienced siblings being treated completely differently by their parents

Surprised me too. I'm 35 and my sister is 39, we still get spoilt by our parents and they're very careful that we get the same value of things (not that either of us would care if it wasn't the same). My OH also gets treated the same, and my sister's exH did when he was around. My niece is the baby of the family (at 12) and gets far too much from all of us. Every year we all say we're not doing much this year but every Christmas there's the same amount

Feeling a bit festive now.... off to think what I can buy everyone :santa2:

TBagpuss

Becles wrote: »

I was just wondering when did you stop buying the child like stack of presents for adult children? Is it more when they are financially independent or did you stop at a certain age?

We never had a stack of presents so there wasn't a big change when we became adults.

in our family, everyone in the house gets a stocking - now that we are all adults, my parents stockings are often fuller than ours, as everyone tends to contribute some small stocking gifts. If one of us is not there for Christmas then they don't get a stocking as such - normally stocking gifts might include things like a book, calendar, chocolates, and perhaps some bath products - and chocolate. If someone isn't there then they will be sent the stuff like a book but probably not the chocolates.

In terms of gifts from parents, we would normally get one 'big' gift, or 2-3 smaller ones, depending what we wanted. Spend is probably less than £50 each.

Growing up, there would sometimes be one child who would get a bigger gift, but we were treated equally over all - for instance, one year my sister got a bicycle - she had started at secondary that was much more expensive than our normal Christmas presents and the others of us didn't get bigger gifts that year, but there were other years when we did, so we all felt we were treated fairly over all.

Faith177

i'm 28 and my brother 25 my mum still spends a small fortune on us for Christmas & Birthdays in fact we still get Stockings

They are mainly DVD's and toiletries and a few bits of clothes but I would say my mum spends probably about £300-500 on each of us.

TBH though I spend that much on my mum back so it works out all round.

pipkin71

My children are 16 and 17 and still get spoiled each Christmas and, although we are grown adults, my parents still spoil myself and siblings.

I don't think there's a set age, it's individual choice, imo

Faith177

tea_lover wrote: »

Surprised me too. I'm 35 and my sister is 39, we still get spoilt by our parents and they're very careful that we get the same value of things (not that either of us would care if it wasn't the same). My OH also gets treated the same, and my sister's exH did when he was around. My niece is the baby of the family (at 12) and gets far too much from all of us. Every year we all say we're not doing much this year but every Christmas there's the same amount

Feeling a bit festive now.... off to think what I can buy everyone :santa2:

Your family sounds like mine lol every year we say shall we go easy this year and it never happens :rotfl:

newcook

Im 34 and my mom and stepdad spend far too much on me than they should - I tell them every year that so long as I get a selection box and a little smelly set I am a happy bunny but my mom still goes a bit mad with presents!
I think in some way she feels guilty that many years ago when she was a single mom that she didnt have a lot of money to spend so is making up for lost time - I keep telling her that she taught me the true meaning of christmas which is spending time with loved ones - and you cant put a price on that!

sulphate

snowleopard61 wrote: »

Something I have found to be unsatisfactory is when present-giving in the extended family we do have is reduced to an exchange of money or vouchers, making the whole thing (IMO) rather pointless and giving a horrid, chilly, calculated feel. Personally I’m not keen on the ‘children only’ idea either, though I know many people find it a good solution – adults like presents just as much as children, and I enjoy choosing them for other people! I’d much rather reduce the overall expenditure by having a very small budget for each person such as a fiver (or even less if the family’s huge) and using my imagination.

I would much, much rather have the cash rather than something I'm never going to use but feel obligated to keep because it's a present. We're having a baby in February and are only asking for money/vouchers for Christmas. Hopefully this way we can actually spend some of our time off work buying the things we want to buy for the baby instead of using that time to find space for all the fragrance diffusers, scented candles, chutneys, hat/scarf sets, toiletries etc :rotfl:

Indie_Kid

We always get cash from Grandma. It's much easier than trying to find something I actually want. Anything I want, I tend to buy myself.