Christmas for adult children

balletshoes

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Yeah, I can see where you're coming from on this. It's getting so hard to think of stuff I actually want for Christmas now. If I want something, I'd buy it myself.

Birthday isn't quite as bad. For last year, this year and next year, it'll be (or has been) a ticket to a gig.

this is a big part of the reason that my siblings and I don't exchange gifts at christmas time. We all buy for our nieces and nephews instead.

We are all in our 40s now, and my mum still buys us all several gifts for christmas (as well as all the grandchildren, the next-door neighbours children, and until last year, all her nieces and nephews' kids :rotfl:).

My mum and my OH are the only adults I buy christmas gifts for - it so much easier (and more fun) buying kids pressies .

Person_one

maman wrote: »

We agreed as a family to stop buying Christmas presents for all but the children. This wasn't really a money thing more because there was this growing tendency just to buy 'stuff'. For example, DD2 used to get boxes of smellies in brands we'd never use or mugs or gadgets we really didn't need. It may sound ungrateful but I'm glad it's stopped so Christmas is not just about enjoying the company (and the food and drink;)). There really is some awful tat about at Christmas.


So the birthday presents are now very generous as it's the only present we give the DDs in the year.


You're right it's hard separating the two but I've always managed it. I'd hate the idea of a combined gift for Christmas and birthday.

I'd be really sad if the rest of my family wanted to do that. I love choosing and giving gifts. I certainly don't buy tat, and if I receive something I'm not that keen on I discreetly find it a new home and remember it's the thought that counts.

Going with 'children only' also feels a but rubbish if you don't have any. You end up making an effort for and spending on other people's families with no reciprocation and no sense that it's an exchange, as Christmas presents are supposed to be.

Mrs_Soup

I was single for a long time as was my sister so we had many christmases which were 4 adults so at some point we reinstated stockings for parents and children and all bought little gifts to put in them - we would do a count up beforehand to make sure everyone had the same number as we took turns to open them while everyone else watched. We have stopped again in the last few years as I now have children as it would be yet another lot of presents for them.. We will never move to children only presents as my sister doesn't have children so it would be very unfair on her (although she is a teacher and gets about 20 presents form the class each year)

Mr_Singleton

You end up making an effort for and spending on other people's families with no reciprocation and no sense that it's an exchange, as Christmas presents are supposed to be.

I don't mind not getting anything as to be honest there nothing that I want BUT it did seem odd when the various people said things along the line of "don't bother getting us anything at Christmas just get something for the kids". You turn up at various houses with piles of presents and leave with nothing but hopefully! a thank you.

meritaten

I remember the year (about 7 years ago now), my DIL was very upset. She had just moved in with my son and they went up her mums on Christmas morning - and her mum handed her one present (Smellies), and her younger sister had got the latest phone, a laptop computer and huge bag of 'stocking fillers'. She came down to mine in floods of tears, and I only had one present for her, plus a joint present for her and my son. but she was happy with that...........she was just upset that her mum had suddenly gone from buying 'loads of stuff' for her to one little pressie'. of course it was because she had moved out and was now 'an adult'!
So if you DO 'downsize' the pressie haul - let them know in advance!

onlyroz

These days I really struggle when I'm asked what I want - there really isn't anything within a sensible budget that I'd like - which is probably why the "main" present from my parents these days tends to be the offer of babysitting and some money for a meal out. As well as the large box full of "stocking fillers" of course

And the best present I had recently from my husband was tickets to see our favourite band, plus a t-shirt of them bought at the venue.

My mum is so used to buying everyone a huge stack-ful of presents that she really struggles when she has someone to stay over Christmas. She always moans about the time that my brother invited his girlfriend to Christmas when he was about 19 - because my mum then felt obliged to get her a stack of presents so that she "wouldn't feel left out". And these days she sometimes has her cousin down for Christmas and so feels like she must buy her a pile of things to open as well. And when she came to ours for Christmas dinner last year she felt obliged to buy our lodger a present as well so that he "wouldn't feel left out". But then she's a weird one, my mum...

balletshoes

Mr_Singleton wrote: »

I don't mind not getting anything as to be honest there nothing that I want BUT it did seem odd when the various people said things along the line of "don't bother getting us anything at Christmas just get something for the kids". You turn up at various houses with piles of presents and leave with nothing but hopefully! a thank you.

ah now we didn't do that - when we all had kids and my brother didn't yet, he bought for the kids, and "the kids" in each family bought for him, so he was still getting from, as well as giving to, each of his siblings households.

fabforty

Person_one wrote: »

I'd be really sad if the rest of my family wanted to do that. I love choosing and giving gifts. I certainly don't buy tat, and if I receive something I'm not that keen on I discreetly find it a new home and remember it's the thought that counts.

Going with 'children only' also feels a but rubbish if you don't have any. You end up making an effort for and spending on other people's families with no reciprocation and no sense that it's an exchange, as Christmas presents are supposed to be.

We also do this. Until three years ago I was the only sibling without children, but in my case they would buy me a present (from their children). Receiving a gift that is not needed or wanted and then recycling it, feels rubbish to me - each to their own I guess. I'm not sure that I agree with the idea that present giving is about 'reciprocation' either. As another poster said, there is no one size fits all - it's a case of doing what works for you and your family.
Another thing that we do is limit the amount that we spend on the children, and usually buy presents jointly for them - so for example, last year DS received a scooter from my sisters and a train set from my brothers instead of 5 separate presents from each of them.

minimoneysaver

I'm 38 and still get a huge santa sack! It's always a lovely surprise to find things that I love. xxx

Brighton_belle

Person_one wrote: »

I'd be really sad if the rest of my family wanted to do that. I love choosing and giving gifts. I certainly don't buy tat, and if I receive something I'm not that keen on I discreetly find it a new home and remember it's the thought that counts.

Going with 'children only' also feels a but rubbish if you don't have any. You end up making an effort for and spending on other people's families with no reciprocation and no sense that it's an exchange, as Christmas presents are supposed to be.

I do get it would feel rubbish for you - I think the thing is P1, you do have gift (excuse the pun) for present giving, so the whole experience is really fun for you and a fulfilling way to express your love. For myself , present buying is a form of torture and stress, so it's an utter relief if I can come to a reciprocal arrangement not to buy. It's even worse for my DH so we don't exchange presents and it is a relief. We find other ways to be generous and thoughtful.