TV free evenings

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

You said you are going away soon
Do you work away with time away and then periods of time at home ?
I'm wondering if she's just tired after a day at work and doesn't feel she should be entertaining you when you've spent all day "doing nothing" ? I work in a people heavy environment and it can be stressful - and yes a TV that doesn't take any effort and doesn't talk back can be a good antidote to a busy day when I've had active interaction non stop all day .

Aren't you the same bloke who was complaining about her housekeeping the other week ?

That's the one, he's away at sea for months on end, then tries to micro manage the domestic chores when he comes home. One example was that his wife prefers to let dishes air dry because it's more hygienic (which it is) but this is unacceptable to him.

The more of his threads I read, the more it sounds like living in that house when he's home would drive anyone to slightly bad behaviour!

Even here, he doesn't want her to turn off the TV so they can spend the time in bed, or out to see a film or show she'd like, or going for a nice walk. He wants to sort through old photos because that's a more productive use if their time. Well, I can imagine my response to that!

steveouk

good point saving pennies I did not however get the chance to offer to do them as she unleashed a triad of abuse at me using the f word many times which I hate.


In response to people who read the previous thread. yes thinking about it I am pretty wet but since that thread I have really tried to get on with things that need doing in the house etc so have not spent my days doing very little. And I try to say to her ok so I am a bit wet and I need to change that but its hard when I ask her to do things all I get is arguments and abuse even when I ask reasonable things.


Anyway cest la vie...I am off to cut the grass while its nice and sunny! Nothing like enjoying the little things!

Cyberman60

I have a TV-free life !!

steveouk

I am now letting the dishes air dry!! I use very hot water then come back an hour or two later and put them away.

Bangton

I haven't read your previous posts but the TV thing is a massive bug bear for me in my house too.

My OH always has it on and watches the same programmes over and over again. A few months ago he was putting some socket caps on at the back of the TV and he kind of fell and knocked it off the stand. It worked but had a huge crack in the corner so meant it wasn't worth watching. We lived without a telly for 6 weeks and it was the best 6 weeks of my life. Now we have a new one and it's back to TV on constantly. We have a 1 year old son and he's an amazing dad but I hate that when we're playing the telly is always on in the background just for the sake of it.

I could readily break it again! !

sulphate

I'm going to say the same thing that I said on your previous thread.

Whilst you are at home all day not working, and your wife is at work all day, it should be YOUR responsibility to clean the house, make dinner, and wash up. You don't have children so housework should only take a couple of hours a day.

My husband just had most of the summer off between finishing university and starting work and I work full time. Can't say I'd be too happy with him if as soon as I got home he was nagging me to do the dishes when he didn't do all that much during the day. And yes, several evenings are spent at home with the TV on.

It's not your wife's job to keep you entertained in the evenings.

Perhaps it's time to start paying attention to advice you're given on previous threads rather than just starting a new one a couple of weeks later when people don't always agree with you.

duchy

steveouk wrote: »

I am now letting the dishes air dry!! I use very hot water then come back an hour or two later and put them away.

Well done ! It's a good first step

I suspect she does love you but you drive her NUTS.
You both miss each other but when you get home you both get bogged down with trivia and domestic stuff and niggly stuff instead of the big picture.

She's used to having a life without you when you are away -you coming home may mean she feels she can't do these things and needing to be available to you - and instead she gets you moaning about how you want to do things differently.
Have you thought that maybe instead of her having the life when you are absent and the life when you are there -you work it that she keeps doing what she is doing and you fit around her when you are home instead of expecting her to jettison her normal routines because the Lord and Master is home ? If you worked locally you'd probably both have things you'd do seperately as well as together . Maybe its this expectation of enforced togetherness that is making her feel a bit claustrophobic ?

Do you ever for example take her out to lunch -as you are free in the daytime and she is working ? Do you spend days in the pub with the boys catching up so she comes home after a day at work with you smelling of beer and talking about people she doesn't know and doesn't care about ?

I do think in the forces - and the merchant navy there was always a tradition that most wives didn't have careers - they had little jobs that fitted around family -and most couples started families early in the marriage but times have changed. Wives have jobs that are just as important ,and life doesn't revolve around the man when he is home but continues and it's a juggling act to keep on working -and incorporate all the changes in routine - and simply having to consider another person when you are used to only considering yourself. If your routine after a bad day at work is a hot bath, glass of wine and a sandwich followed by mindless TV it is beyond infuriating not to be able to stick to that routine - and can make you very grumpy no matter how much you love that person (My ex worked long hours and on the rare times he was home before 9pm on a week day it really unsettled my routines -in my current relationship we work differing hours and both ask for space when we need it- lesson learned)

Person_one wrote: »

it sounds like living in that house when he's home would drive anyone to slightly bad behaviour!

Even here, he doesn't want her to turn off the TV so they can spend the time in bed, or out to see a film or show she'd like, or going for a nice walk. He wants to sort through old photos because that's a more productive use if their time. Well, I can imagine my response to that!

Just because you want to sort photos -it doesn't mean she has to - She was already doing an activity- watching TV. Why should she stop what she's doing simply because you want to do something else. Of course had you started to do it alone she might have left the TV of her own volition and joined in especially had you shown her one or two in the commercial break.

I think you need to sit her down -maybe over a meal out (away from the TV and the air drying washing up)- and say that you realize her routines get totally messed up when you are home and would it work better if you both worked around her routines instead. Listen to her- don't tell her how she should feel- ask her .

You are giving out a message that your needs are more important than hers - Just because you don't want to do something - she should stop and fall in line with your wishes. I bet you married her because she was a strong woman with a mind of her own - and now its the thing you are moaning about.

You've proved you can change things with the dishes ....now for the big stuff

Jessica88

We never use the TV. First of all we don't like it anymore because the content is getting worse every day and secondly, we don't have time. I prefer to spend my time outside, in the garden, at concerts, whatever... but ofc sometimes.. we are watching a movie or dvd... but very rarely

victory

steveouk wrote: »

We have had many arguments I have tried to suggest compromises but they have not tended to have much effect.


Relationship counselling is needed and maybe she will consider it. Maybe when I come home next as there are some issues that have festered over a number of years.


I suppose basically she has switched off from me. I want to get closer to her but she wont engage with me.


Right now I am just getting on with things and getting all my things sorted out before I go away so that the place is tidy and everything is up to date with cleaning etc. I will sort the garden before I go and give the car a valet and some tlc.


I have tried to reach an understanding when it comes to doing the chores and what is expected. so I just distribute the tasks over the days and make sure the bathroom is cleaned on a Friday!


She does do a few things when she wants to but if I even ask her if she has done something then it causes an argument. for example I said oh have you done the plates - after diner and we were in front of the tv - she had been through to the kitchen. then she went mad with me - I was only asking if they had been done for Christ sake - if she had said no would you mind doing them I am sure I would have done as she had cooked the diner.


Anyway my apologies for posting on here again and moaning was just wondering about TV.


I think maybe try doing the 5:2 thing?

Hello again:D I remember your other threads, they were very long and full of helpful suggestions for you, I was hoping that it could have helped you but seems not?

The TV is just her way of immersing herself into something where she does not have to talk and get involved in yet another argument of who does what, when and why, it is all very draining and the TV is escapism.

I don't think you are ever going to be able to 'mould' her to exactly the way you feel everything should be done, you have choices, accept that it will not always be just so, compromise, do it all yourself and become a resentful matyr, go for counselling, you yourself or together, at the moment you are tearing strips off each other and getting nowhere, you can't make everything just perfect, the TV has become her saviour, her hiding space and still you come upon it to attack, nothing she says or does seems the right thing for you and maybe she has had enough and realises that

duchy

I have tried to reach an understanding when it comes to doing the chores and what is expected. so I just distribute the tasks over the days and make sure the bathroom is cleaned on a Friday!

You "distribute the tasks" ..........

She's not a subordinate -she is your wife and your equal partner- she's not a child or a dog to be trained or an employee.

Honestly you !!!!!! off to sea - and come back to the home I've kept going whilst you are away -whilst working myself - and sometimes that can be very lonely coming home to an empty flat every night.........and you come home and "distribute tasks" to me. You have nothing to do all day -but instead of doing housework whilst I'm gone so we can relax together I come in from working 8 hours and you have tasks for me ????

I tell you what Steve -if you were married to me -you'd be in the divorce court or I'd be in the dock for attempted murder by now

Stop trying to change her-she's the woman you married -why are you trying to change her ?????? No wonder she's so resentful