TV free evenings

MrsSave

I like to relax in front of the tv most evenings, but we always eat our dinner as a family at the table in the kitchen where there is no tv. Then we play with our son until his bedtime and tidy up. Once he is in bed and then the washing up has been done, the house is looking tidy I do flop in front of the tv. There are days it doesn't get turned on at all, or days where there is nothing worth watching on.

But........if my dh suggested doing something, something needed to be done then that would take priority. I enjoy watching the tv, but it doesn't rule my life.

Person_one

D!jà vu...

OP, you seem to disappear from your other threads about your marriage, have you managed to make any real progress in how you communicate? Have you considered any of the suggestions posters made to try and help?

Or do you just come here to moan about her without actually being interested in getting any help?

steveouk

We have had many arguments I have tried to suggest compromises but they have not tended to have much effect.


Relationship counselling is needed and maybe she will consider it. Maybe when I come home next as there are some issues that have festered over a number of years.


I suppose basically she has switched off from me. I want to get closer to her but she wont engage with me.


Right now I am just getting on with things and getting all my things sorted out before I go away so that the place is tidy and everything is up to date with cleaning etc. I will sort the garden before I go and give the car a valet and some tlc.


I have tried to reach an understanding when it comes to doing the chores and what is expected. so I just distribute the tasks over the days and make sure the bathroom is cleaned on a Friday!


She does do a few things when she wants to but if I even ask her if she has done something then it causes an argument. for example I said oh have you done the plates - after diner and we were in front of the tv - she had been through to the kitchen. then she went mad with me - I was only asking if they had been done for Christ sake - if she had said no would you mind doing them I am sure I would have done as she had cooked the diner.


Anyway my apologies for posting on here again and moaning was just wondering about TV.


I think maybe try doing the 5:2 thing?

SavingPennies_2

Ah it's you again.

Personally I do not think it sounds like you are trying to control her. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to eat at the table or have a conversation now and then. I do watch tv but try to only watch programmes Im intererested in (documentaries, films etc). I don't like to just sit and watch rubbish. Since you are at home while she is at work so you sometimes have a meal ready for her for when she gets back? Maybe set the table, light a candle? If she goes in a rage over that then that really is unreasonable.

TBH I don't know why you both don't get some couples counselling, or just accept you are both unhappy and that getting married was a mistake.

Edited to add:
I think you need counselling so she can properly open up about what is bothering her because something is bothering her big time. Either it's an issue you can work on together, for example you are doing something to annoy her or she has confidence/self esteem issues, or the problem is she is just doesnt love you anymore in which case there is only one thing to do.

onlyroz

Dinner infront of the TV every day? No no no no no. Breakfast and lunch, perhaps, but a carefully prepared evening meal hoovered up mindlessly while watching Eastenders? Not in our house. Dinner is the time when the family sit together, enjoy their food and discuss their day.

I also hope that it's not "normal" to flop infront of the TV for the entire evening. Perhaps for an hour or two, but not from the moment you walk in the door to the moment you drag yourself off to bed.

steveouk

Very interesting thank you saving pennies.

Person_one

OP, you're talking as though you believe your wife won't do any housework while you're gone for months!

I'm going to tell you something shocking. The details of how a house gets cleaned are not remotely important in the scheme of things.

duchy

steveouk wrote: »

Ok so maybe she feels I am trying to control her and that she can control the TV it always does what she wants and never argues back!


I suppose I just have to accept that she finds TV more appealing than me!
Even if I go to all the effort of making a nice meal etc I don't feel that it is really appreciated as once finished she will say ok right you go wash up I am going to watch some telly.

You said you are going away soon
Do you work away with time away and then periods of time at home ?
I'm wondering if she's just tired after a day at work and doesn't feel she should be entertaining you when you've spent all day "doing nothing" ? I work in a people heavy environment and it can be stressful - and yes a TV that doesn't take any effort and doesn't talk back can be a good antidote to a busy day when I've had active interaction non stop all day .

Aren't you the same bloke who was complaining about her housekeeping the other week ? Maybe you need to do things away from home as a couple more- whether it's out for a meal, bowling, pop out for a drink etc. If you are the same fella I seem to recall you saying that whilst she was at work all day you were out catching up with friends - Maybe she's just resentful that she works all day whilst you are off enjoying yourself -and then when she wants to relax in the evening you are moaning about how she washes up or wanting to do things when she's just got into a programme or has just got comfortable ?

If you're not the same bloke (I didn't look back and check) then his thread might be useful to you anyway.......and if you are -it's all part of the same thing.

EDIT Yes I see you are the same bloke. Is this a case of nothing has changed since your last thread -in which case does the phrase "If you do the same you get the same " fits and if you want it to be different - you need to be different too ?

steveouk wrote: »

Well I looked back to a post I made a couple of months ago and nothing has really changed.


I have not sat down with her and discussed what is expected and what we will each do. I cant she wont listen and it always ends up in an argument.


She just says I need to be more efficient, makes fun of me, if I am feeling low or depressed she dismisses it says not to be stupid, I ask questions and I get snapped at.
I want to make plans when we have a free weekend and she does not want to do anything.


I am so fed up, so bored and feel so belittled and made to feel small all the time. Whatever I do I am always wrong she has me running around doing things for her. if I forget to do something I get shouted at but if she forgets I am sent back to the shop or whatever it might be to sort it out!

SavingPennies_2

steveouk wrote: »

She does do a few things when she wants to but if I even ask her if she has done something then it causes an argument. for example I said oh have you done the plates - after diner and we were in front of the tv - she had been through to the kitchen. then she went mad with me - I was only asking if they had been done for Christ sake - if she had said no would you mind doing them I am sure I would have done as she had cooked the diner.



I think maybe try doing the 5:2 thing?

You said: "Oh have you done the plates"

You meant: "I'm just checking cos I'm happy to do them if you haven't as you cooked the meal"

She heard: "I hope you've done the plates cos you know how it annoys me when you leave them out overnight cos you can't be bothered to wash up"

Just a possible explanation of how people can misread things...

steveouk

I suppose we need to go somewhere away from the house sit down with a drink - lemonade - alcohol may only make one of us say something wrong or get carried away.


I do need to sort things out with her before I go away I will tear myself up or end up e-mailing or writing a letter to her which is not exactly the same. I would say that a letter is the way forwards but I did this a number of months ago.
The letter was constructive and full of praise I also laid myself bare in terms of saying that I may not have helped the way things are in terms of my moods etc and said I would change but she did not reply to the letter and has not been willing to discuss it.


When I want to have a talk about us she sys we don't need to or that we should just get on with things and says I always want to talk. She says I don't listen but then neither does she as she has a stubborn streak that she admits to and I say well that's the problem when I am trying to talk things through she just gets angry and says leave it we don't need to talk.