The envy of people

vouchersrme

I think it is the politics of envy, where those who cannot be bothered to watch the pennies, get miffed at those whose success comes from hard work and economical living.

honeythewitch

Caterina wrote: »

Zaxdog am relieved and glad that we clarified.

Lobbyludd, thank you for your viewpoint, it is something to reflect upon. However I feel ok with what I have, as a family we live quite frugally and modestly from a sense of wanting to thread lightly on the Earth (sorry for slightly pompous new agey expression!) anyway, regardless of what fortunes we might or might not have.

I am not too bothered by others' envy, I am more saddened. And a bit dismayed at having, on hindsight, wasted a lot of time and energy hearing out some of these "friends'" woes and genuinely celebrated their achievements. It makes me feel used.

But I am really grateful for this forum full of wise people and for being able to express myself here and be understood. Thank you all, from my heart.

In my opinion, happiness comes from being content with what you have and making the best of it.

[Deleted User]

Can I put in my two pennyworth? I don't think it's necessarily expected that to be OS you need to take being frugal to extremes or wear a hair shirt despite that perhaps being the impression given. Being OS is really about knowing what makes you fulfilled and contented and following your own personal star through the life that you choose to live. Life sometimes throws circumstances in your path that have to be dealt with as best you can but really OS living IS about choices and choosing to be/become debt free by whatever method you decide on to get there and then making personal decisions about what you do or don't do to stay debt free. We decided that being mortgage free and not having an overdraft with the bank was much more important than having holidays abroad or posessions. We had so much fun as a family without having to part with our hard earned cash and put both girls through university to become a teacher and a doctor who are both progressing well on thier chosen career path and both living an OS lifestyle from choice. They both have thier own homes and are both almost mortgage free because they have made the choice to not have the holidays, posessions, indulgences etc. that thier peers feel entitled to and worked thier socks off to gain the extra cash to overpay thier mortgages. I guess there will always be people who look and don't see the reality of OS living but they're the ones with the biggest problems aren't they?

Dozey_crow

Hi.

Yes we have this a lot. We have never been a high earning household, yet we are very very careful with money. We shop wisely, consider everything and mend and make do wherever possible.

When we earnt £14k a year between us, about 4 years ago we managed to keep up with all of our bills and went without anything from holidays to coffee out that wasn't essential. We didn't bleat about it all being 'unfair' or how hard done by we were,. We just got on with it.
My friend who was working as a uni lecturer circa £54k per year was always going on about having no money but splashing out on designer clothes and having 'I' everything (laptops, pads phones) She used to perceive that I was better off than her because I didn't have all of these expenses and therefore should be buying coffee or lunch.:mad: used to make me really cross.

Other friends earn double what we do now and it's all 'I' everything, skiing holidays, BMW, other sports car, motorbikes, gadgets, PC, designer clothes, make up and toiletries... But they couldn't afford their wedding because they were "broke". Her retired patents had to chip in with a sizeable sum
We scrimped and saved for ours and paid every penny ourselves and we " are lucky to be able to do that " :rotfl:...

Honestly it beggars belief! If it's really annoying perhaps say "yes it took me four months to save for that.. Anything is possible I'd you budget properly. Do want me to help you?!" Could be entertaining:D

Eyeore

Didn't want to read and run Caterina - some very wise words on here. I too would say just ignore them. OH and I used to get similar comments however what our 'friends' failed to take into account was that we were unfortunately unable to have children so when I got over that, and stupidly stopped worrying about upsetting others, I started saying to the people who made the snide comments 'well unfortunately we haven't been blessed with children so have more disposable income' - it might sound mean but it shut them up!

Now I don't give a jot - we have a good lifestyle because we scrimp in some areas to pay for others!

flowertotmum

Hi Caterina..firstly well done to you and your OH for working so hard and getting to the stage your at right now.

I have had this a few times..unfortunately it was mean spirited and aimed directly at me and my life choices..but now i brush it off..had to develop a hard shell thats for sure.
We got married young and had lots of children quite quickly..one income and lots of little people to clothe and feed and keep warm..so we did get into debt and it took years to sort it all out..i didn't actually become debt free until about 2 yrs ago. In that time i watched my friends struggle and go with out like we did. When i had 2 more little people my OH and i decided that we had to change and we did..it was hard but so worth it..baking from scratch,making things,fixing things and most of all getting our own food growing.
My so-called "friends" started to be mean and snide comments were made..it hurt.
We stuck to our plan and finally became debt free and at last able to afford the things we always wanted but could never afford..took years to pay them all off.
Thing is now we are comfortable with our life and don't need the things we always wanted..we love being how we are and it has rubbed off on my older girls thankfully..they are all debt free and enjoy the moment when they buy something they have saved for.They paid for a majority of their own weddings and honeymoons too..am proud of them.

The so called "friends" are having what i call a karma moment..no money,credit card maxed to the limit and when pay day comes around its all gone in fell swoop..always moaning about having no money,no new clothes,shoes,phones etc..i feel sad for them..great jobs no common sense between them to sort it out..

All the advice is great on here..you have worked for it all..enjoy and as Taylor Swift says "shake it off..haters gonna hate hate hate so shake it off"..
Envy is an awful thing..
love
ftm

CRANKY40

The last person who told me I was lucky to be able to take a career break came very close to being punched. My boss intervened and explained that I was recently widowed. I get a pension and widowed parents allowance which enable me to stay at home and not have to look for play schemes for school holidays and also support our son through his loss whilst not claiming benefits. I'd get those if I was being paid for working or not, so good financial planning (ensuring the mortgage was paid if one of us died) has worked well. MSE keeps our lifestyle affordable.

Slightly different to the original post, but in some ways the same where envy is concerned. Try telling your child that their daddy is never coming home again and see if you still wish you had my money. My son would give all his gadgets back and live in the garden shed if he could have his daddy back. People don't really understand what they are wishing for Caterina.

MandM90

As Cranky says, MSE keeps our lifestyle affordable. I shop around for everything, don't spend without really thinking about it and use everything I've learnt from OS. Without this I'd have no savings and wouldn't be able to send DD to private school.

Before I came across MSE I was one of those people who wind you up, Caterina. I didn't realise that money management was just as important (and at most salaries, more important) than how much you actually earn. I haemorrhaged money needlessly. Now I no longer eat out at least once a day, shop in ridiculously expensive stores and throw out hundreds of pounds worth of food a year. I relish cooking, spending (free!) time running, walking and being together. I might have gone off topic a bit...but I think the point is that it's not what you have, it's how you spend it!

I wouldn't be affronted. I think it reflects more on their attitude towards money than their attitude towards you. You're content and they're probably thoroughly confused!

ash28

Personally I couldn't give a monkey's toss what people think or say.

I can't say we're frugal, for a lot of people on this board we won't be....and they'll probably think we're spendthrifts....however, we have no mortgage, no debt (though we have had our share, mainly for cars) and I was able to retire from work at 50, OH had to work a bit longer - he was 55.

We have all the goodies...the contract phones, big tv (2 in fact), a laptop each, ipads....holidays, a nice car each, sky, netflix.....on the other hand I cook from scratch because I want to, I buy eggs from a lady in the village, buy bedding plants from keen local gardeners who have an excess....often buy seasonal veg from the shop at the farm gate or our little shop who sells excess veg for the keen gardeners in the village - I'm not one.

We can have nice holidays, do have nice cars and can pay our bills and have a bit left over......for me it's about value for money not being frugal.

I have been asked how we can afford our house - we've been here 3 years and I suppose a lot of people don't know what we did before early retirement and I imagine some might even think we're unemployed - I guess technically we are!

My outlook is like Micawber's from David Copperfield:

"Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen [pounds] nineteen [shillings] and six [pence], result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."

My advice is to take no notice of what people say to you.....you get envy in all walks of life. People make choices, and if people have the "buy it now" mentality without the means to pay for it now, then that is their choice.

Seakay

people are just bitter that way and also very quick to make negative assumptions without engaging their brains. I've been called posh, bullied at school and been assumed to be wealthy all my life because I don't have a regional accent because my parents sent me to private junior school. To do this they didn't get the latest household gadgets and didn't have foreign holidays - 2 weeks on the East coast of England every year.
At school 'working class' pupils had tvs in their room, stereos fashionable clothes etc. I was still the abused posh one even though I had none of these things, just because I spoke a little differently.
THere's no point in trying to find a reason for all this, but I would suggest that if 'friends' are doing it (we can't choose families) then they really aren't friends at all.