my ex says he earns £156 a week.....

missk_ensington

Bingo bango I think I've missed the point to your post because I dont see what you're getting at. The sad fact is, many dads will go to any length to reduce any money handed over to the ex and kids, and as a result many mums are struggling financially bringing up their children. No one is criticising good fathers like you who would happily give whatever cash they have

bingo_bango

To be honest, the real point was me having a rant . I've suffered for years in this siuation.

That said, it was a dig at all those 'fathers' who it seems can walk away from their own offspring without any apparent guilt. Not for me I'm afraid.

I did also want to reinforce the point about not using the children as bargaining chips. It only serves to increase hostility and animosity between all parties conerned, and really does drag these situations out (I know this as I was that child at one time as well). I swore afte that I would never become like that man, and lo and behold.....I did exactly that. You can imagine how I felt after that.

I genuinely feel sorry for those mothers struggling because some a**hole can't be bothered giving up a weekends drinking with his new GF. I did without a car for the best part of 10 years after I left, whereas some on here are driving Audi TT's :eek: I still can't do that!

Yes, use the CSA, and yes, tell them anything which sniffs of fraud. Yes, use the courts as much as you can. In fact, do anything you feel may help.

Please just never use your children either directly (refusing NRP access), or indirectly (telling children lies, even small ones), just to make make you feel better about having got one over on your ex.

I'm 25 years down the line from being that child, and it still hurts, even today. My relationship with both parents suffered greatly and does still to this day to some degree. I'd hate for others to go through the same.

duchy

My turn to rant
Similar situation-married, affair blah blah
Very early on I called the CSA and asked them to calculate what support I was entitled to informally. They said it was an estimate but it was an acceptable amount to both me and my ex so he simply paid it direct and we never touched the CSA. Through two long term relationships he paid and although at times we had our differences he kept in contact and always had access. Third relationship was with a control freak and all these phrases started coming out of his mouth that simply weren't "him" about entitlement (he's a nice guy-just doesn't share my views on fidelity). We ended up with support not been paid and him issuing ultimatiums that it wouldn't be paid unless I did X Y & Z. Bit silly really as he should have known me well enough after15 years to know if I'm offered an ultimatium I dig my heels in. It was miserable for all 3 of us and at that point I called in the CSA who told him that despite what his girlfriend thought the amount he paid was almost exactly correct and he agreed to pay it again. I asked for it to go through the CSA to prevent Ms Control Freak from interfearing again. A year later the CSA had STILL not collected a single payment as they had an error on the DD which they refused to accept existed. I'd seen the bank statements I knew each month it was drawing from his account and bouncing back the same day despite there been adequate funds in the account to pay it. They told me he was deliberatly not paying it-something I knew to be untrue as I'd seen the transactions and when I pointed this out they told me he must have falisified the bank statements !! Fortunately I knew this to be junk or it would have caused a huge rift and likely damaged the relationship between my son and my ex-(each month when the DD failed he would then pay me in cash). After a year they told me they were "going after him" for non payment-despite the fact I called them each month to tell them he had paid direct as the DD had0n't worked !! We both wasted hours on the phone to them over the year. We switched back to direct payment in the end. Thankfully Ms Control Freak was long gone by this point.
The main point here is that my son's father was willing and able to pay and the CSA were incapable of collecting despite us both co-operating -what chance for those trying to get payments from those evading their responsibilities.

carrie_uk

My ex-husbands case has gone to enforcement, a bit of a bummer as they can only go back to 2000 and not right back to 1993. So he owes £25000. The last 2 years he has said that his earnings are less than what he needs to live on, so he doesn't have to pay anything. He is self employed and I know that block paving people can earn £1000+ a week, so is there any way for finding out if he is telling them a load of rubbish?

I am not owed any of it, it is all owed to benefits but it's the principle. The state shouldn't have had to pay for the kids he should have done.

Carrie

frugallass

it's difficult to prove what they are earning if they get paid cash - you need to provide proof to the CSA but doing this isn't easy - he has a nice house, sporty car and takes his holidays abroad yet he says he earns less than me (he's a skilled bricklayer and I'm an office administrator) oh and he also looks after his new girlfriend and her three children as well as playing golf and drinking in the pub every night

I'm just hanging on til January - apparently he only provided his income details for 2005/06 because his 06/07 accounts weren't available but he has to have this information in before the end of January - I'll be asking for a review then

pugsley29

does anyone know if payments can go down if the absent parent gets a bigger house

mine went down by 40 pounds per week (old system I think), is it in the rules that they can a better more expensive house at the detriment of his kid

hope that makes sense

kelloggs36

If they move house then yes the assessment can go down under CS1 and this was one of the reasons that the system was changed because some NRPs were deliberately increasing their housing costs so that they didn't have to pay as much or any maintenance. Does your ex have a partner? If so, you can apply for a Variation on the grounds that they can contribute towards the housing costs and therefore free up some money that can be used in the maintenance calculation.

pugsley29

he is declaring his housing costs at £200.00 pounds per week

kelloggs36

And how much is this compared to his income? The partner doesn't need to be on the deeds for you to be able to apply for a Variation - they just need to be living there and working. He doesn't have to give her details, but if he doesn't they will assume a 50/50 split of housing costs which could make quite a bit of difference to you. If he has no other children in his house and his housing costs are more than 50% of his net income then the housing costs should be capped at the 50% as they are deemed too high for his income to afford.

drbluebox

The problem is, I personally know a few men who have problems with getting cash from partners and its the same excuse from each of those women "the CSA is there to make absent men pay not women"

My dads best friend is at university so very badly off, but does work what he can, and has remarried but his ex wife refuses to pay money despite being on a VERY high income and this has been ongoing for years.

And a friend of mine had a ex who he now looks after the kid as she was clubbing every night and sleeping with anyone, male or female and left the baby on its own.

Anyway she is in a reasonable job gets about £500 a week but her rent is free due to living back with parents, and she claims she cant afford to pay money despite getting drunk every night and owning her own expensive car and having loads of expensive clothes

I feel sorry for people like aces, sure he left his partner but that doesnt make him scum. If women leave their partner they get sympathy if a man leaves as he doesnt feel loved or something hes seen as cruel to the children.

Might get a few hating remarks here but I thinks fairs fair, if a man is forced to pay csa and isnt violent he should have access to the kids why should he pay so much for a kid he might see a few times a year if lucky.

Sure kids need support but if my parents bought me up on benefits why do some people get 20% of someone who may get 2000 a month £400 is a good amount I admit

It should be less about percentage and income then how much is needed to bring up a child in each case, i.e if the person with the kids lives in a expensive area they should get a bit more

But either a male or female if they are getting a huge income and dont care about the kids then take them for all they have.

But if the man leaves as his relationship broke down and he cares for the kids why should he lose loads of money, as he has his own rent and bills to pay now,

Men arent evil greedy creatures and all women arent innocent perfect people and a breakup isnt always the mans fault and he isnt being cruel.

Sorry if I offended anyone by the way