my ex says he earns £156 a week.....

[Deleted User]

oh ok.
i's sorry about your husband. I hope you can forget him.

scheming_gypsy

michael1983!! wrote: »

I would say don't have a child with anyone unless they marry you

good job you're not a prime minister!

Abortion rates will increase and so will divorces 'cos people got married because they were having a baby.

looby75

michael1983!! wrote: »

oh ok.
i's sorry about your husband. I hope you can forget him.

Don't need to forget him, we have a good relationship as parents to our children. Thats what real men do, take responsibility for their offspring.

frugallass

looby75 wrote: »

Thats what real men do, take responsibility for their offspring.

Nice quote - just wish my ex would see this

MXW

frugallass wrote: »

Nice quote - just wish my ex would see this

Mine too!!!

one-non-blonde

looby75 wrote: »

Thats what real men do, take responsibility for their offspring.

frugallass wrote:

Nice quote - just wish my ex would see this.

And mine!

My ex 'warned' me about a month ago that he wouldn't be earning anything for at least a year having left his previous (6 figure salary) job to set up on his own. He turned up last week in a brand new £50k+ car. Judging by the fact that there was a private plate on 'his' car which consisted of his partner's initials it looks like it's been bought and registered in her name - I've no doubt he'll also be merrily in the process of hiding all his future income too. She's part of this new business so I'd be willing to bet she's drawing a wage and he isn't. I can only wait and see what happens re maintenance come the end of the month. I sense a power struggle on the way...

And what is it with men who can't get it into their heads that the money they hand over is for the benefit of the children and is generally only a drop in the ocean of the true costs. (where's the banging your head off a brick wall smilie when you need it???! )

tincat

:wall:

Here you go...

missk_ensington

kelloggs36 wrote: »

My ex is also a self employed builder who declared to the inland revenue that he earned 146 pounds per week, which was accepted by the CSA. I however, made an application for a Departure on the grounds of his lifestyle being inconsistent with his declared income. The evidence I used was the following:

Old letter from his accountant when applying for our mortgage which showed that he earned 15k TEN YEARS BEFORE THAT yet when there is lots of work around he can't get the going rate?

Over 100 job adverts showing the daily pay rate for a bricklayer - varying from between 90 pounds and 150 pounds PER DAY.

Land registry documents which show how much he paid for his house which he had recently bought - 120k, yet he said his wife wasn't working?

The usual bills that a household would have to run - his housing costs alone took his income down to 36 pounds per week on which he was to feed and clothe himself, his wife and two children, pay his council tax, his petrol, his gas, his electricity, his phone and pay for the holidays which they have abroad each year. I bet even Martin Lewis can't do all of that on 36 quid a week!!!! lol.

On top of that, because it went to appeal I got copies of his MEF on which he said that he claimed NO tax credits - well, I'm sorry but if I only had 36 quid a week to live on I would certainly claim them. I got print outs of what he COULD have claimed had he chosen to do so if the earnings he declared were correct. He said he claimed no other benefits at all.

He failed to turn up at the hearings and so I won as he also refused to comply with the directions made by the Chairperson. He was ordered to supply a copy of his mortgage application on which he would have stated his income to them - but he refused. This is because he had declared FOUR TIMES his official income to the mortgage company!!! I know this because I rang them and asked that if I were self employed with a history of repossession and earned only 9.5k per year pre-tax would they loan me 100k. Of course they said that they wouldn't, and I remarked 'well you have my ex husband'. The man asked for his name and his address which I gave and he said 'mmmm, it is over 100!' to which I replied 'but he has told the tax office he only earns 9.5k' and he said 'he's declared 4 times that to us!'

He even acknowledged that he knew he shouldn't have told me that info but he felt it morally wrong that my ex should be lying in this way!!!! Anyway I used it as evidence in the Tribunal.

I got my nil assessment changed to 76.73 per WEEK which was backdated to the beginning!

Really well done to you!!!! I wish more parents would investigate it like you have, and I'm really glad the courts have listened. My mum did the same against my dad, used his mortgage declarations as evidence and they just wouldn't accept it as proper evidence.

I bet your ex is absolutely spitting nails lol. After all that hard work I hope you've bought a nice bottle of bubbly to celebrate!!!! How many years did they backdate it??!!

bingo_bango

As a man who has been there and done that, can I have moment of EVERYONE'S time. NRP's and PWC's who have been wronged.

I have two great kids, ds and dd. When I left, I agreed voluntary contributions with my ex. It was approx 30% of my weekly take home. After 2 years (stuck in the same job, and bosses who were taking the p*ss), I wasn't earning much more. I was still living in a bedsit, eating frozen chips and such (no internet, so didn't know about this site), and having a miserable time. But I still got to see the kids every week.
Next thing, I got a letter from CSA. Provided a statement of earnings, had a huge row with my ex, and then got an assessment from CSA for £5.10 per week for BOTH kids. Even I could see that was wrong.
However, as a result of CSA involvement, I ended up in family court on countless occasions. There was a lot of mudslinging, from both sides, but the judge granted me a Parental Responsibilty Order (PRO). I also agreed to mediation through a court appointed social worker, and that gave me access to the kids (only monthly initially...you have no idea how hard that was).

Since then, things have moved on. My ex is now married, and has another two kids. I see my own kids at least once a week, and get on well with her other kids.. I pay regularly towards their upkeep (school fees, uniforms etc), and am happy to spend any spare cash on them.
We are all happy to spend time with one another, including my fiancee (although have to tell ex to get off phone sometimes!), and you know what. I'd give up all I have to be as I am now, and not have had to go through all that in the past.

As a father, I love the fact that my kids want to spend time with me. I have made it clear to them and my ex, that if they decide to go to Uni, I'm happy to fund as much as I can (I'd love to see them walk out with no debt!), and will happily let them live with me rent free while they go.
In short, they can have what I have. As long as I can pay the bills, and get to buy the odd pint, they can have the rest.

NRP's, you have a child. A son or daughter who will look up to you in the future. If you think you're screwing the system by not paying up, then you need to think long and hard about your future.

If you don't look after your kids, do you think they'll look after you when you need it (I speak from bitter experience with my own father, although if needed, I know I'll give him what he needs). They want you to be part of their life, even if it's only in a small way.
If you couldn't give a toss, then !!!!!! walk away and find a bridge to fall off.

PWC's. All I ask is that you don't poison your childs mind. All it takes is a flippant remark like 'Your father doesn't call because he doesn't love you!' Easily said when you feel low, but not in the least constructive to anyone. I've had that said to mine when my ex blatently denied access, but at least my kids asked why I didn't love them. Mind you, that was FOUR years after I regained access. That took some explaining believe me, and there wasn't a day passed that I didn't think about them.

Your children are not tools of war. They're human beings, and they're a hell of a lot smarter than you probaly give them credit for!

I like to think that my kids have learned from all this. All children will from this situation, but at least mine won't hate me.

Sorry for all that, but all I've seen on these threads is 'I can't get'. or 'I won't give'. !!!!!! wise up people.......you've got other things to worry about.

kelloggs36

Wise words indeed. My ex is one of those who has walked away from his daughter who was devestated when his wife told her 'don't contact your dad any more because he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore' when she was 12. I'm sorry but as much as I believe that this was an evil thing to do, the fact was that my ex did not stick up for my daughter - he clearly DIDN'T want anything to do with her any more so my bitterness is towards BOTH of them. My daughter has recently said that she wouldn't pi** on him if he was on fire - in fact she would add some extra petrol to keep it burning. That is what he has done himself. I have tried to play his rejection down to my dd by explaining that his hatred is really towards me but he can't see what he is doing isn't hurting me directly (only by hurting her, but I don't care if I never see him again nor do I care what he does with his life. However I felt it morally right to ensure that he supported his daughter financially. I could not force him to want her any longer, but I could do everything in my power to ensure that he couldn't forget that he DOES have a legal responsibility for her welfare. After all, she wasn't conceived in a casual relationship. Some may call me greedy and vindictive for doing this, but it wasn't as though I didn't try and come to an agreement privately. He clearly blames me for his financial woes now that he has had to remortgage his house in order to pay off the debt he owed. He is currently refusing to come to an agreement to pay off the remaining 3k that is owed and risks all the same legal action being taken against him that he has faced over the last couple of years. The CSA woman herself said to me 'your ex, he isn't on this planet is he?' To which I wholeheartedly agreed and said that I had been trying to tell them this since I put my claim in almost 8 years ago! He acts plain stupid! He could have easily reduced the amount he has had to pay by providing certain info, but has refused to do so. I really can't work out why as it would have been to his advantage, but no, he chose to do nothing and it is now much too late to go back and change it.

I would have dearly loved for the outcome you have enjoyed particularly as my daughter would have had a relationship with her dad. Had that been the case and he maintained her indirectly by buying school uniforms, trips etc then I would not have had the need to apply to the CSA. That is why I don't feel that the 'I can't get' type of posts are necessarily unwarranted. There are some PWCs out there who cannot afford to keep a roof over their heads without the help of the maintenance which is legally due. It is fighting against an ex with a system which is in pieces which compounds the problems. Many exs are hell bent on revenge, which is so wrong on both sides and I totally agree that things could be amicable if they truely wanted it.