Opinions please.

raven83

Soleil_lune wrote: »

First of all Raven, I am REALLY sorry you lost your parents. You look way too young to be an orphan. And I am even more sorry that your 4 siblings don't seem to want to fork out £40 every 5 years to keep the plaque 'alive.' (I also think it bloomin' well stinks that the council charge this too!!!)

I don't know what to suggest. Have they said why they don't want to renew it? I don't believe for one second that there is a soul alive in the western world who can't afford £40 towards a plaque for their parents, in a 5 year period, especially when they knew it was coming! I don't mean to sound like I am having a go at your siblings, but it's just this kind of person that says something like this, but then will happily spend £40 a week on cigarettes or in the pub!!!

I do think planting a rose bush is a fair idea, but then, where do you plant it? If you plant it in your home, you could move and then your parents bush won't be with you then. Can you plant it in the grounds of the crem?

What about getting a wee plaque made yourself (just £30-£40 worth,) with your parents names and dates of birth and death, for you to hang in the house???

I think if the others are not going to help you, then I would (sadly,) allow the plaque to be taken down, and as I said, maybe get your own personal plaque made.

By the way, I LOVE that poem above that Thorsoak put above ^^^. I have loved this for years. Such a touching poem.

I know, I agree, my brothers could easily afford to chip in but sadly they are rather cold and always have been, it just annoys me that they are quick enough to cash in on my parents death and take money left in a will and sell their belongings but renewing a plaque is such a waste of money? I think that is why I am so annoyed by them, I know my parents are long gone from where their ashes were buried and I know they are always around me in spirit and my memories of them live on, but it is the principle of it.

I do love the idea of getting a plaque of their details and keeping that in my house, that is a lovely idea

CH27

Raven does your cemetery have a memorial book?
Our does & it's in a little chapel type building. You can pay for the name to be put in the book under the date of death. The pages are turned every day so you can view on the anniversary.
It's a one off payment.

raven83

peachyprice wrote: »

Can you not take the existing plaque home when the 5 years runs out to put in your garden? I wouldn't just let the council throw it away, it's yours, you paid for it!

This is what I was thinking, I think I will ring the council tomorrow and find out that if I choose not to renew it, can I at least keep the plaques as I would like that.

Person_one

raven83 wrote: »

This is what I was thinking, I think I will ring the council tomorrow and find out that if I choose not to renew it, can I at least keep the plaques as I would like that.

That sounds like a lovely idea. Do you have a garden? If so, you could maybe set up a little corner with some nice pot plants and the plaque as their memorial.

sophieschoice

My mother still pays for her Dad's (my Grandfather) plaque in the local Garden of Remembrance. I'll pay for it when she's gone. He's been dead over thirty years but I'd miss it if it wasn't there on my visits. I think round here it's about 70 pounds a year to keep it there. He's also in the Book of Remembrance in the little Chapel nearby.
It's personal choice but it would make me unhappy not to keep it there. When I've gone then it will go because there will be no one else around who remembered him.

raven83

Person_one wrote: »

That sounds like a lovely idea. Do you have a garden? If so, you could maybe set up a little corner with some nice pot plants and the plaque as their memorial.

Yeah I have a garden, I would plant a load of their favourite flowers in a spot and put the plaques in it, I am just a bit disappointed I don't have any ashes but I know in my rational mind that ashes is all they are and doesn't bring them back, but memories never fade.

happyandcontented

Were the ashes scattered or buried in an urn? (sorry if I have missed this)

raven83

happyandcontented wrote: »

Were the ashes scattered or buried in an urn? (sorry if I have missed this)

No, they were taken out of the urn and buried.

atolaas

When my grandmother passed away a few years ago...we used some of the money she left us to put a bench in our local park (she always complained that there weren't enough places to sit!) I like to take a few minutes whenever I go through the park to stop and think about her. Just thought it might be an idea to suggest to your family...our council don't charge a maintenence fee as far as I know.

Better_Days

OP, sorry you are having to deal with this and I can understand why you are upset.

When my Dad passed away I had to decide what to do about a memorial. Dad married and divorced twice and had children from both relationships. I was unable to contact my half siblings (if that is the correct term) as their mother refused to disclose their address to me (or incidentally to the solicitor d/w probate). Plus two of my siblings are financially stretched.

I thought that the renewal of a memorial plaque could cause problems in the future, so in the end I dedicated some woodland to Dad through the Woodland Trust and and also purchased memorial bench. The options are slightly different now but you can choose a woodland near you, the dedication is in perpetuity and start from £250. http://www.woodlandtrustshop.com/category/107-dedicate-woodland.aspx

Would this or something similar be suitable - family members could visit if they want to and it is a permanent memorial.