Opinions please.

happyandcontented

I would be upset. My parents ashes are buried together and although I only visit approx 6 times a year, I would be sad not to have that.

Could you not have the ashes back and rebury them in your garden and plant a rose bush there?

raven83

Pollycat wrote: »

No you're not being silly at all.
Just because other people think differently to you, that doesn't make you wrong.

Regardless of whether there is a plaque or not, that is where your parents' ashes are buried.
Even if you decide not to renew the plaque, would it be possible for you to still go to the same place and find the same comfort?

Yeah it is possible, but after a while another persons plaque will be in the place theirs was, but even if it is no longer there at least I could still feel like close to them.

And BTW, I don't need a plaque or a rose bush to feel close to my parents, but as someone in a previous post said, it is the lack of physical memory that will be there, if that makes any sense.

Mojisola

raven83 wrote: »

I feel quite annoyed because I had originally kept their ashes with me on the mantle piece for about 2 years and it was my siblings who kept on going on about getting a rose bush and plaque for them at the cemetery, I wish I had just kept them now.

I'd be cross with them as well.:(

I don't know anyone who has had this done but are you able to have the ashes back?

raven83

Mojisola wrote: »

I'd be cross with them as well.:(

I don't know anyone who has had this done but are you able to have the ashes back?

I think that is why I am so peed off because I was happy to keep them with me and now they have been buried into the ground and are long gone. If I had known they would of not wanted to renew then I would of told them I am keeping the ashes and will scatter them when I was ready and in a place I was able to visit etc a lot, i.e my garden!

thorsoak

"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die."

Elizabeth Mary Frye

I always think of this when I here people agonising about not being able to get to cemetaries as often as they wish - my loved ones are kept in my heart. xx

Soleil_lune

First of all Raven, I am REALLY sorry you lost your parents. You look way too young to be an orphan. And I am even more sorry that your 4 siblings don't seem to want to fork out £40 every 5 years to keep the plaque 'alive.' (I also think it bloomin' well stinks that the council charge this too!!!)

I don't know what to suggest. Have they said why they don't want to renew it? I don't believe for one second that there is a soul alive in the western world who can't afford £40 towards a plaque for their parents, in a 5 year period, especially when they knew it was coming! I don't mean to sound like I am having a go at your siblings, but it's just this kind of person that says something like this, but then will happily spend £40 a week on cigarettes or in the pub!!!

I do think planting a rose bush is a fair idea, but then, where do you plant it? If you plant it in your home, you could move and then your parents bush won't be with you then. Can you plant it in the grounds of the crem?

What about getting a wee plaque made yourself (just £30-£40 worth,) with your parents names and dates of birth and death, for you to hang in the house???

I think if the others are not going to help you, then I would (sadly,) allow the plaque to be taken down, and as I said, maybe get your own personal plaque made.

By the way, I LOVE that poem above that Thorsoak put above ^^^. I have loved this for years. Such a touching poem.

iammumtoone

I will be at some point in the same situation as the OP. We have various family plaques (think there are three in total now), it was my late Nans wish to have plaques. At present there is an older generation who pays for the up keep but at some point this will pass to me by that stage my Dad will have a plaque as well. By the time all the family are there it will probably mean 5-6 plaques to upkeep!!

What saddens me about this is the ashes are scattered there, I don't know the time scale but if the plaque is not renewed I wonder if someone else can be scattered and their plaque put up in its place :eek: This is what I will be looking into when it will be down to me to consider paying a fortune on the upkeep, if no one else can be scattered in the place I suspect the answer will be I won't pay it, there will still be a place to go and pay respects, what does it matter if the name of the person is visible or not, who is there doesn't mean anything to anyone else except family and friends.

I did think this was how all cemeteries worked but by the response on this thread it seems not.

Person_one

raven83 wrote: »

The plaques are on top of where their ashes were buried.

I know my parents are no longer there and I think of them every day, but it just feels sad that they would no longer have any sort of memorial. Maybe I am just being silly but I find it a comfort that I can go somewhere and know they was there IYSWIM.

Grief is very personal, everybody feels differently and there is no right or wrong way to cope with it.

I lost someone I loved 8 years ago. After 5 years, I made the decision that I wasn't going to the grave anymore. Some people never go after funeral, some people will go until the end of their own lives.

If your siblings have reached the point where the physical memorial is no longer needed and they don't benefit from it being there, that is absolutely fine and up to them, they shouldn't feel they have to keep paying.

If it's important to you still, it's completely your decision whether you pay or not, but there is absolutely no need to feel guilty whatever you decide. If you still gain comfort from going to this spot, do you need the physical plaque there to feel that comfort? Maybe the place itself will still be enough. Is it a nice spot? Is there somewhere to sit and reflect?

Mojisola

iammumtoone wrote: »

What saddens me about this is the ashes are scattered there, I don't know the time scale but if the plaque is not renewed I wonder if someone else can be scattered and their plaque put up in its place :eek: This is what I will be looking into when it will be down to me to consider paying a fortune on the upkeep, if no one else can be scattered in the place I suspect the answer will be I won't pay it, there will still be a place to go and pay respects, what does it matter if the name of the person is visible or not, who is there doesn't mean anything to anyone else except family and friends.

It depends on whether the ashes were scattered or actually buried. Our crematorium offers both options.

If the ashes are scattered, then a plaque can be paid for which is put on a wall next to the area where the ashes are scattered.

If you chose to have the ashes buried, then you can have a plaque over the place where the ashes are but this is more expensive.

peachyprice

raven83 wrote: »

Yeah you are right, I have thought long term and obviously one day it wont be there, I know if my dad was alive he would say never to part with that money as he was very frugal! I just feel sad, but I think I will go with the rose bush idea in my garden and maybe get a little plaque made up for them

Can you not take the existing plaque home when the 5 years runs out to put in your garden? I wouldn't just let the council throw it away, it's yours, you paid for it!