Bowel cancer, stoma, illestomy bags, my journey with my fathers illness

mum2one

It seems the last week just flown by, be 3 weeks 2mor that we lost him, now week from the funeral.

DD had a real melt down again 2ngt, *shes 13, - her own dad has never really bothered with her / never seen her / so dad took on the role of Dad to her, as well as grandad.

We had a call from the funeral directors 2day, theyve cashed up the money and we had £191.90 - there taking the hospice (50%) money for us, the other half is going to dogs trust, Were picking up a cheque and dropping it off next week.

I know the ashes will be the next issue, just hoping to god its not 2mor, xx

mum2one

Another week bites the dust... It doesnt feel any easier, nor any harder, it still feels like limbo.

The ashes - they weren't ready (big phew - just couldnt coped with them at the mo) but while we were there, we brought a casket for the ashes, we had choice of veneer, maghony wood or oak wood, - We brought the veneer one, not just because it was the cheapest - but it looked the nicest of the three. (Only £35) reaaly pleased as expected them to quote in the £100/£300 bracket.

were getting the ashes later in the week...

DD is back at school tomorrow, going to drive her down in the morning, - although it takes 5 mins to walk there.., Just bit of support. Planned a day at home to make sure I'm here if she needs anything.

This week is paperwork week...
Council tax - there horrible form
Water rates
Pension
Order birth certificate for mum

Take cheque out to Dogs trust.

We had a bit of upset over the dog, he went to the vets on Friday, hes got a lump on his foot - thought it was an absess - no its a growth, so hes been given a week of antibitoics (ngtmare getting him to have them), anti inflam jab - go back next Friday for review - then decide when / if to operate. The 1st question was - is it cancer... They dont think so - but nothing can be ruled out..

Which is all we need....

mum2one

I got a bee in my bonnet last night, dont think it was the best idea to watch the BBC1 series The big C and me, but I needed to watch it.

Going on from that and reading about health care etc at our local hospital - a&e, not hitting targets etc / under staffed .. the usual.

So...
I fired an email off to the local paper, explaining dads last 12 hrs and the fact we were let down by healthcare system...

Whether anything will get picked up, or it will get deleted - heck knows, once I'd wrote it down, I felt sick as a dog, but a sense of relief, that I now know I did everything I could possibly have done for him that night,

I know even if he had been given the morphine jab earlier, he would have still passed away, but he wouldn't have had such an horrible experience of pain,

Wish me luck

ERICS_MUM

Good luck ! It was something you had to do and I hope it's picked up and handled carefully and fairly.

I was the same after Mum died in March. The management company for her flat were so rude and careless with their calls and letters, I sobbed for ages after dealing with them. In the end I drafted a letter basically telling them to p!ss off and leave me alone !! Luckily my brother read it before I posted it and he forbade me from sending it ! I toned it down but it didn't give me as much satisfaction - I really wanted to poke them in the eye with a big stick !

Keep up your fighting spirit, best wishes to your Mum and daughter.

EM xx

mum2one

Down to the last couple of forms to do, then got to swop the car into mums name and make a decision to keep or scrap...

I promised dad I would do everything I could to keep the car on the road for 12 mths. we dont need it as I have a car, but mum struggles getting into mine, and in a way I could use it for one of the hols then mine for th eother...

D Day - Or ashes day tomorrow.... x

ukmaggie45

mum2one wrote: »

D Day - Or ashes day tomorrow.... x

Thinking of you.

You have been really amazing, your Mum and Daughter must be very proud of you. Do take care - once the day to day stuff is finished you may find things hit you more. Please try to have some fun. When my folks died OH and I used to try and find something (anything) to give us a real belly laugh every day. Quite often the more inappropriate the better! :eek: :rotfl: I do think that laughter can be a great help, perhaps especially when life is sad and difficult.

Would have been back to say Hello a bit sooner, but we're currently going through similar times with my MiL. OH off today to help his brother organise the Wake. But she was 93 and very frail, so I can't feel too sad for her. She was always a friend rather than a MiL.

Anyway, I digress! You take good care of yourself. Cyber hugs from Liverpool. :grouphug:

mum2one

We now have dads ashes back, sounds so daft but I didn't realise how heavy it was (veneer casket) so nice it came with engraved brass bit on top. (cant think of the right word), He is now in the dining room.

Not helped as we had to take the dog back to the vets - hes got a growth on his foot, he had it a few months - he wasn't in pain with it, and hence back and forth with dad, then losing him.

We went last week, he was given antibiotics to take home, a jab when there, the good news the jab worked - reduced some inflamation - he still needs it to be operated on... He has to lose a toe as well, (apparently wont make any difference to walking), - then they have to examine the growth....

Need I say I scared witless, we decided to get him booked in asap, he goes Wednesday morning...

mum2one

ukmaggie45 wrote: »

Thinking of you.

You have been really amazing, your Mum and Daughter must be very proud of you. Do take care - once the day to day stuff is finished you may find things hit you more. Please try to have some fun. When my folks died OH and I used to try and find something (anything) to give us a real belly laugh every day. Quite often the more inappropriate the better! :eek: :rotfl: I do think that laughter can be a great help, perhaps especially when life is sad and difficult.

Would have been back to say Hello a bit sooner, but we're currently going through similar times with my MiL. OH off today to help his brother organise the Wake. But she was 93 and very frail, so I can't feel too sad for her. She was always a friend rather than a MiL.

Anyway, I digress! You take good care of yourself. Cyber hugs from Liverpool. :grouphug:

Thank you so much, just got one more letter to do then that should be it bar the car, head says it needs to go, heart says - keep it, - made dad a promise that I would do everything I could to keep the car on the road for 12 mths...

Touch wood, coped better than I thought I would with the ashes... nxt step is Fathers Day... plan A - DD and I were going to Blackpool for the weekend, - but with dog having on op on Wed, need to be here for him...

We're off to Morocco In July (me and DD), its the hotel dad choose, and its his birthday.

Sorry about MIL, hope everything goes ok xxx

Brickwall

My dad bought me a Ford Focus the year before he died, he died five years ago, I passed the car onto my daughter, she spent a lot of money on "granddads" car, sadly it's no longer drivable but sits looking like a new car on the drive. She just doesn't feel ready to part with it, that's fine by me.

I started reading this because it openly discussed bags, my dad lost a large portion of his bowel due to cancer, he never real,y got to grips with the bag.

Due to NHS neglect my daughter now has a bag, she's only 21, I think she deals with it better than me if I'm honest.

X

mum2one

:beer:

Brickwall wrote: »

My dad bought me a Ford Focus the year before he died, he died five years ago, I passed the car onto my daughter, she spent a lot of money on "granddads" car, sadly it's no longer drivable but sits looking like a new car on the drive. She just doesn't feel ready to part with it, that's fine by me.

I started reading this because it openly discussed bags, my dad lost a large portion of his bowel due to cancer, he never real,y got to grips with the bag.

Due to NHS neglect my daughter now has a bag, she's only 21, I think she deals with it better than me if I'm honest.

X

Thank u, know when dad had his bag it was literally bye and get on with it, I really didn't know which way to turn and got so much support from here, to be honest as well dad never really got in with his bagged it sounds daft but it robbed him of who he was, he stopped wearing shorts, refused to go swimming again. Made worse as the original doctor gave the impression that it's only temporary , knowing Damm well it wasn't,


Hope ur daughter goes on ok, is hers reversible xx