Bowel cancer, stoma, illestomy bags, my journey with my fathers illness

luxor4t

I am sorry for your loss.

I think continuing the thread will help other people in their time of grief.


I have attended funerals that had memorial displays like Ericsmum described - such a good way to remember the loved one with stories of happy times.

Mojisola

mum2one wrote: »

One thing that we said summed up dad, he loved to travel although he got to Manchester airport many times, he never got further than the car-park....

I found little memories like this helped a lot to get through those first weeks.

mum2one

Just had a lovely call with NPOwer, dad was signed up to the McMillian scheme - where we paid fixed fee monthly, any elec over that would be wrote off, - expecting us to change to normal price fix - no..... were entitld to the scheme from 2 yrs from when npower helped (March this yr...) Its a relief xx

Torry_Quine

You are doing so well and coping with this horrendous time. Take care.

Jellybro

You are doing so well.
It's the first couple of weeks when things need to be done that seem to whizz by. If you ask me what I did in those first couple of weeks when dad died I couldn't tell you! So many decisions to make, people to call... It can get a little overwhelming. Remember to make a little time for yourself to sit quietly and switch off a bit.

The photo idea is a great one. We made a slide show to play on a screen during one o the songs at the funeral. It went from childhood all the way up. We tried to include as many family members and friends as we could as it was nice for them to see themselves up on the screen with dad.
We also got a couple of the really old family albums out at the wake. Everyone enjoyed looking through them.

Huge hug from me!

mum2one

With the weekend, its given us chance to review things, take some time out, relax. as for Saturday, it was a lazy afternoon in, as DD had a bad ngt, she couldn't sleep, so left her to chill. She went for a sleepover last ngt, did her the world of good, I was half and half last ngt, expecting a come and get me phonecall. She stayed till dinnertime, (is a miracle for DD, anything after 10am thats unheard off).

With her later departure, - threw dinner plans out, so McDonalds for dinner... we were going to a coffee/cake event at doggie home, (the one were splitting the collection with) it was lovely as a friend of the family her daughter works there, she was a yr younger than me, known her since we were kids, we had a sit down and a chat with her.

Then we popped to the farm shop / cafe - where dad loved, when we went to the shop, got bag of potato's the guy there - offered to keep the potato's at the till, till got the gentleman in the wheelchair .... Explained that dad wasn't with us, he was so shocked, we'd been there few days b4 we lost dad. We'd been about half a dozen times, it was nice that you feel valued.

It was good to go to places that we had been with dad, think the longer I dont go anywhere it will be harder to go back.

mum2one

I know its been over a week since we lost dad, - yet paperwork side of things / organising still seems up in air...

Done List

One for all service with registar
Arranged funeral
Flowers - 2 sets of sprays £40 each
Order of service - was going for diy - short notice - funeral director doing
Car Ins
Credit card company x 2
Chemist
Dentist
Attendance Allowance
Carers
Pension (even thou the registar does this - I had done it myself - seemed something I could do at the time
Garage - Had car serviced there - save having the reminder.
Private pension company (only tidge amount)
Council Tax
Arranged collection of wheelchair etc
cancelled Gas - my name
Cancelled Elec - gone in mums name
Vets - changed ownership of dog
Gave away - dads food (had cravings black pudding / kippers (cant stand them)


............
To Do..
Ring life insurance (only small amount - help out)
Cancel - hospital plan (telephone call)
Send death cert to Car Insurance
Notify Opticians
2 x banks - take cert in
Fill in form council tax
Ring water company
ring Tv licence (on free license - over 75 (free till end of March - passed away after 1st April)
Look into scrapping car
Union - cancel
British Legion - cancel
Apply Bereavement grant

I'm sure there are other little jobs - get there the best I can. xx

Torry_Quine

you are doing so.well.

mum2one

update on my to do list

To Do..
Ring life insurance (only small amount - help out) a farce - got to send documents in, very unhelpful

Cancel - hospital plan (telephone call) - done - kept the policy for mum and me

Send death cert to Car Insurance - wip....
Notify Opticians - done
2 x banks - take cert in - done
Fill in form council tax - need a bottle of wine to do this one...
Ring water company - done - awaiting foems
ring Tv licence (on free license - over 75 (fgot to renew that 1st July ... (an expense I hadn't bargained on till next yr
Look into scrapping car - I'm not ready to empty the car yet... need to look at next week

Union - cancel - done
British Legion - cancel - done, applied for a grant towards the funeral, there really helpful, so hopefully were get somewhere,,,
Apply Bereavement grant - wip


I even found a couple more things that I had to do, luckly the house ins was in joint names, - simple call, then found the homecare was in dads name, they were really nice, kept the policy open till the natural end, then there give me a quote as a new customer (shop around the mse way).

We had a meeting at school today as my DD been off pre death (she got assaulted at school by another pupil... another story), then Dad passed, we had another school issue.

They have been really good and are looking into arranging councelling for DD, and support her needs / check shes ok etc - when she is back at school.

Be honest I am not looking forward to Thursday, feels so final. xx

Torry_Quine

Keep strong, will be thinking of you on thutrsday