How to diplomatically tell someone to suck it up?

Indie_Kid

GlasweJen wrote: »

If you don't offer A a sweet then that is also unfair and A kicks off.

I find this rather pathetic tbh. I am wheat intolerant and am not allowed most biscuits. I used to volunteer and we'd have tea and biscuits. I never once complained that I was never offered a biscuit. I did bring my own food in.

BigAunty

Flumina wrote: »

I think this is possibly the case.

He can't just give up the job because that would affect his entitlement to benefits, so he has to try and wangle it that work is discriminating because of his health condition.

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But if he wanted to sabotage his employment prospects, you would have thought he would have done this by being a poor employee during the trial period to prevent being offered a permanent role but in fact, he was impressive. However, he has switched off that veneer of cooperation and enthusiasm now and I find that sudden replacement of charm with aggression now very disturbing, combined with his confidence in assuming a victim role and general hostility.

I'm more inclined to think that his (what I assume to be a long period) out of employment on sickness benefit has given him an embedded self belief that he is vulnerable and ought to be treated as special. This view of himself is going to be utterly unshakeable which has led to him being devious and manipulative. This is why he is sewing conflict now - he is generating proof in his own mind that people are against him.

Either that, or he was one of countless people originally on IB that were not so much incapacitated as such but was not actually very employable (disguised unemployment) due to lack of skills, qualifications, attitude or behaviour. Apologies to any ex IB claimants with actual chronic conditions that prevented employment. I do believe IB became a vehicle to park some of the unemployed/unemployable for various political and social reasons.

Or he has a personality or mental disorder like passive aggression. Having encountered a friend and a colleague with these rather exhausting behaviours, its amazing to witness their skewed logic, their poor performance, the types of incredibly weak justifications they come out with as excuses for their behaviour. Anyone seen the threads on here from people that suffer from narcisstic colleagues or relatives? Mind blowing stuff.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

GlasweJen wrote: »

I'm clinical team -we offered A the use of a clean hearing aid dispensing room that only gets used once per week.

If you don't offer A a sweet then that is also unfair and A kicks off.

I do think it's an attention thing but A is already screaming victim and threatening to "take things higher" because yesterday I told A to get back on the shop floor after their half hour lunch break was up. A mentioned that I'd taken 45 minutes and I explained for the billionth time that I won't take a tea later on.

It's hard to describe how I tie in, I'm not As manager - I manage opticians but I am her managers manager and the nature of the job means A's more likely to work with me than with their boss so I've been pretty much landed with A. We all know A is a problem but we suspect that our director is terrified to get rid as A would probably try to sue us or something.

A has a job with us now, no more ESA

As they are obviously about three years old, I'd be inclined to have an alternative available for them, then - most supermarkets do yellow stickered bags of carrots for about 30p at the end of the day. They'll keep on their desk with their sharps bin for about three weeks. Or a packet of salt/flavour free rice cakes/polystyrene discs.

I'm sure that would be acceptable as an alternative. After all, the GI for fresh fruit or a chocolate biscuit is far too high for a defenceless and easily offended diabetic. And they wouldn't want you endangering their health by offering something that might hurt them, would they?

GlasweJen

I'm just having a moan now.

Today I was in work in my casuals as I wasn't testing - our newly started pre-reg needed some one to one time and I had reps visiting in the afternoon. I was thinking "great the director will have to deal with A that might hit home what we are all dealing with.

So at half 9 A walks past my room towards the admin office - very strange as A doesn't do admin and most of us just transfer queries through. At just before 10 The director puts her head round the door and says "have you seen A" so I pointed her towards admin where A is sitting using their phone for Facebook!

Director asks what's going on and A replies "oh I needed to stabilise my blood sugars, Jen said I could come through here" I pipe up erm no I didn't, I've been in here since half 8 with pre-reg and only saw you walk past half an hour ago. So A starts pulling faces and heads back towards shop floor. 10 mins later walks past me again towards the tea room so I call out "A where are you going" oh I need to check my BS, I point out that 10 mins ago their kit was in the office and they've not been near the tea room to move it there only for A to start crying and saying that they don't know what's happening. I immediately thing !!!! A is having a hypo and got 1st aider to come through, called ambulance and everything as A was refusing to test BS (which I've read can happen when sugars are swinging about), A refused to allow paramedic to test so the guy had to persuade A as they obviously need to know what they're dealing with before administering meds and the BS was 6 which is perfectly fine (I was helping to hold As hand as A was hysterical so I saw the number on the machine).

So paramedic says "oh that's all looking great, it must not be the BS that's making you ill" so paramedic hooks up heart monitor, blood pressure cuff and checks temperature - nothing wrong.

Paramedic explains that as A has no current symptoms and the nearest hospital was full due to an emergency A should just see their own GP routinely. A agrees that they were just being silly and don't need medical treatment then 5 minds after the paras leave A is back to saying they don't feel well and throwing hysterics.

I met my reps in the local coffee shop in the afternoon - I think this was less to do with diabetes and more to do with the girl who started at the same time as A being given a name badge with her actual job title and not trainee under her name while A was told that they'd remain at trainee until they "develop more confidence and learn to work independantly" I.e. Learn to get on with your job and stop asking everyone to do it for you.

BigAunty

Oh, dear, it's only going to get worse, isn't it?

Essentially, he had a paddy to directly punish you for challenging him.

Proof that they are an attention seeker, manipulative, devious.

I mean, they are literally hysterical when it suits them.

I have no idea how you are going to be able to deal with someone who actually feigns sickness and shows not a jot of worry when the fake nature of it is exposed.

Sociopath....

Even though youv'e been advised to get the management of their diabetes formalised through OT, this only reinforces the view of themselves as being special, plus the support is irrelevant as they will feign a hypo (twice) at the drop of a hat.

And even though you've been advised to ensure management give him written instruction or perhaps verbal/written disciplinary around meal breaks and injections in private, this is only going to humiliate him even more and make him want to create distractions to his poor work performance.

So the more he is rightly challenged on his medical management and given support to be a better employee, the more he will sabotage it with other threats and incidents.

You're f**ked. You need to keep good records of his behaviour and ensure management respond to your concerns. He's out to get you sacked...You stand in his way to glory - his ego requires everyone to see him as a hero but as you're not playing his game, you need to be eliminated.

CH27

A should be billed for wasting an ambulance & paramedic.

DKLS

You could either go down the incompetency route, follow the lengthy HR procedures and slowly manage them out of the business but that could take months.

Or have the unpleasant conversation that starts with "its not working out" and ends with "we will pay you til the end of the month" and they are given 5 mins to gather their stuff and are escorted out of the building.

Once you have done that, do a review of recruitment procedures to help weedle out the professional victims and dead wood.

BigAunty

DKLS wrote: »

Or have the unpleasant conversation that starts with "its not working out" and ends with "we will pay you til the end of the month" and they are given 5 mins to gather their stuff and are escorted out of the building.

What are the current employment rules that allow a company to terminate employment and the employee not being able to appeal against it at tribunal due to the period of time they spent with the company?

I agree he needs to be let go as he's amoral and brazen so quite likely to wreak havoc in the workplace in quite ingenious ways - staging incidents to ensure other employees get blamed for them, damaging equipment and systems and so forth.

purpleshoes_2

BigAunty wrote: »

What are the current employment rules that allow a company to terminate employment and the employee not being able to appeal against it at tribunal due to the period of time they spent with the company?

I agree he needs to be let go as he's amoral and brazen so quite likely to wreak havoc in the workplace in quite ingenious ways - staging incidents to ensure other employees get blamed for them, damaging equipment and systems and so forth.

Less than 2 years service then its not possible to go to tribunal for unfair dismissal, but I think the company would need to get advice as I think people could still claim wrongful and there are a few claims that dont need more than a days service to be able to go to tribunal in this case, if there are health issues involved, they might play the disability discrimination card.

Mind you, given that theres now quite a hefty fee to lodge a claim in the first instance, that may put some people off.

The employer could possibly go down the route of capability to do the job, if they are on a probationary period, if you let someone go you arent dismissing them, you are saying that they cant do the job you employed them to do.

sulphate

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I find this rather pathetic tbh. I am wheat intolerant and am not allowed most biscuits. I used to volunteer and we'd have tea and biscuits. I never once complained that I was never offered a biscuit. I did bring my own food in.

Agreed. I have coeliac disease which is a lifetime condition that means I can't eat gluten but I rarely complain about it, I just manage it and don't expect colleagues to bring in gluten free biscuits!