How to diplomatically tell someone to suck it up?

GlasweJen

I've got a problem with someone I work with but it's a personal problem hence me posting here.

I work in a very inclusive work place, we're a small team but we have people from 4 religions, 5 non-UK countries, some people with mental health problems and a few physically disabled and learning disabled.

Recently we recruited 2 people from the work programme, they had a 13 week paid placement and we kept them both on after. They were both on ESA - one has a mental health problem and the other stress and diabetes.

Now the person with diabetes (we will say A) has totally changed. During the trial the person was outgoing, confident a quick learner and keen to take on more complex tasks (some without getting supervised but we worked that out). Now the person has turned into a knob end and it's driving me nuts.

We have 2 weeks chair users at work and a small corridor to access the staff room so the wheelies give up their last break and take a longer lunch so that there's less congestion - A has demanded the longer lunch PLUS the last break because if their diabetes. They also stalk off the shop floor at no notice to go and guzzle down 2L of lucozade and then an hour later run off the shop floor to take insulin - even I know this isn't how you're supposed to manage diabetes.

A's lunch is typically a sandwich, fruit, full fat cola (fair enough maybe A needs the sugar to get through the day) and a cake from Greggs next door. Because we all see A eating normally we do things like offer A a sweet from the pack or a slice of birthday cake but A gets really offended and told us all we would offer A an alternate due to the diabetes - and then stalks off to Greggs for a cake!

The other wheelchair user in the practice had surgery 2 weeks ago and has had to take longer than planned off as his surgery site became infected - we all chipped in for a card and some hospital nice things (shower gels, magazines and some books he'd like) and happened to get a box of his favourite sweet that he keeps at his computer - A went mental and said he should be thankful he's not diabetic and he should really be in work. Now the guy is riddled with arthritis and a painful medical condition called Lupus - he's not an otherwise well person who uses a wheelchair and just got his wisdom teeth done or anything like that.

I'm not As direct line manager (thankfully) but As attitude is seriously pushing down morale in my team. We have tried to be nice and offered A the use of one of our rooms for injections (A prefers to do this in the kitchen in full view of the world instead of using a clean, private room with a sharps bin).

I told A that there are other ill members of staff in the buildings and although diabetes is serious it is manageable which A should be thankful for as some of her colleagues go through hell to access treatment but A is oblivious and accuses the other person who started along with A of being a skiver because B works in back office even though B is very open about her mental health problems that make mixing with strangers really difficult.

Is there a nice way of getting A to knuckle down and not bang on about diabetes (which A maintains is the best controlled diabetes in the world and As medical team want to use A to train other diabetics because As management is so good so it's not like it's brittle or complex diabetes - I'm sure if it was we'd all know about it). It's so bad A even tells all of our customers and has been known to start eating and drinking in the clinical areas!

Grumpelstiltskin

Many years ago I worked with someone similar, it wasn't diabetes but another condition.


She constantly used to say 'if I eat A & B I will be ill'. If there was some work she didn't want to do what would she do? Eat A & B in full view of the office and guess what within a few minutes she would complain of being ill.


I wonder if this guy doesn't want a job. Maybe he thought pressure was being put on him to do the placement but he never thought he would be offered the job at the end of it.

Yolina

I don't think there's really a nice way to go about this, but then I'll own up to not being the most diplomatic person in the world :rotfl: Frankly he just sounds like he's using his diabetes as an excuse and generally being a complete PITA.
A friend is type I diabetic and he wouldn't pull that kind of cr*p. When he needs to use his insulin pen, he quietly and discreetly does it without needing to leave the room (you'd never know he's doing his injection if it weren't for the click from the pen); he obviously always has some coke/ Lucozade/ gels/ sweets or whatever else sugary with him but never makes a fuss over it. His job requires him to regularly be on-call and he wouldn't dream of asking for extra breaks or any form of "special treatment" by his workplace.

ciderwithrosie_2

Doesn't sound like their diabetes is that well balanced if they're drinking lots of lucozade and then having to inject more insulin as their blood sugar's gone too high.


The just walking off the shop floor could be if their blood sugar has got too low, they're not able to think rationally. My OH can act in a variety of different ways when his blood sugar drops, sometimes without warning.


However, my OH says people with diabetes who act like your colleague really don't help with understanding the condition. They abuse their illness and play on it. Your colleague probably does it for attention. My OH is 50, has had diabetes since he was 5. He works permanent nights (and has done for most of our marriage), he does a very physical job and walks 2 miles there and back everyday. He told me there was a bloke who worked with him who played on his diabetes and would have to have time off work every time he had a hypo.

Errata

His line manager isn't fit for purpose. Speak to your line manager if the behaviour of someone outwith your team is having a negative effect on your team's well being and welfare and putting their health at risk by using the kitchen for medical purposes.
Have to say, I'm impressed by a diabetic able to neck four pints of liquid in one go.

BrassicWoman

Most diabetics I know inject wherever they are, I see that as normal.

Ask the boss if they have had an Occ Health report done, as they seem to need special break times, and you want to be sure you aren't doing anything wrong...

CH27

I would have a discreet word with your line manager & explain the low team morale.

BigAunty

Does your organisation have a link with an occupational therapist who can deliver the message about how best to manage diabetes and review their diet? Some organisations have links with medical support in some way and perhaps the colleague may take it a bit more seriously if it is delivered by a professional. Ultimately though, its up to them what they shovel down their neck.

I see the insistence on them having standard breaks and the location of their injection to be something communicated by management, presented as addressing their lack of professionalism and respect for the team. Since your colleague has presented themselves as a victim, they will feel seriously victimised by this quite standard advice, unfortunately. What are the chances of your organisation giving them this pep talk followed by a verbal then written warning for taking too long over breaks and injecting in public, though?

Currently it does look like they have personality issues where they feel the need to present themselves as special, some kind of attention seeking thing, a one-upmanship about the hardship they have.

My experience of people that prioritise their victim status is that it is an enduring thing, something at the centre of their identity, and that they never gain insight into their behaviour and it won't change. I'm only surprised they were able to suppress their nightmare personality during the trial but as they are manipulative, I suppose that kind of gamesmanship, where they charmed their way past the trial, is par for the course.

It's only going to get worse, I think...

Ms_Chocaholic

I used to work with someone who said she was allergic to nuts. How did she manage this? When offered a chocolate from a box, she would pick one without nuts, not even considering cross contamination.

Also if she bought something with nuts in she would just "pick them out".

She wasn't prescribed adrenalin for this alleged nut allergy.

These type of people drive you to distraction and I really sympathise with OP. Can OP try and ignore the antics of his/her fellow worker.

carefullycautious

This has nothing to do with being diabetic but probably what he has learnt from the behaviour of others who dealt with him when he was first diagnosed. He has learnt to manipulate the situation to his advantage now.

I would sit him/her down and tell them just what a pain in the neck they are being and that there is no 'i' in team. If he/she is upsetting the balance then maybe this job is not for them.

Be direct and fair.

carefullycautious

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I used to work with someone who said she was allergic to nuts. How did she manage this? When offered a chocolate from a box, she would pick one without nuts, not even considering cross contamination.

Also if she bought something with nuts in she would just "pick them out".

She wasn't prescribed adrenalin for this alleged nut allergy.

These type of people drive you to distraction and I really sympathise with OP. Can OP try and ignore the antics of his/her fellow worker.

:mad: another one who has no idea what would really happen if they were allergic to nuts