Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

debtfreewannabe321

Afternoon NOA, the last few years sounds like it's been really hard going for you. Life really can change in the blink of an eye and sometimes it catches our breath and slows us down more than we ever thought it would.
I hope you have some let up now on anything else occurring to knock you off track and can continue to move forward through the grieving period. I know there's no time line on these things... and if you're having an off day the support you get here is amazing so I'd encourage you to continue to share and post. I think we all have moments of misery, anger, upset and depression, ups and downs, it's life, and you'll always find someone with an understanding and compassionate ear ♥️. Hope all else is okay with you? 

triple_choc_chip

So sorry to hear about your mum and so soon after losing your dad too. FWIW, I think you were fantastic for the level of support and companionship you were able to give her in those final months and I’m sure your mum appreciated the precious time she spent at home with you and your family.

How is the garden? If I remember it was large and unruly but with potential to be beautiful. 

NoOneAround

Thank you all for you kind support Cherry, DFW and TCC❤️
It’s been hard to remember how much I have to be grateful for. The sadness overwhelms everything, and it’s hard to be happy about all the good things without feeling the loss of parents, especially as I spoke to them everyday.

My garden is wild and thriving, and a haven for wildlife - it’s very much rewilded! It’s beautiful and has been my soul space and sanctuary. I often sat with mum in the garden while she could, we watched the birds and butterflies and bees,  it was a warm dry summer. 

Most recent news: promotion at work! Will take new role after summer hols. Can’t believe I’ve been there nearly 7 years. Everything works out in the end - doesn’t it? Consistent income even through pandemic gave us a lot of financial stability.  And now I might have better job satisfaction too 😊 

House - a mess. Decluttering urgent. 

Paperwork - ongoing and boring
Have discovered Vinted! So far sales have netted £177 - it’s quite addictive

I  thinking already mentioned mortgage is paid! The money we earn is now ours so need to sort out remaining debt, but no longer worried.
 High Anxiety all the time though, trying to work on this as  it really doesn’t help with health issues. 

Should go to sleep now - work in the morning. Thank you for reading 
NOA xx

Humdinger1

Darling @NoOneAround I've read through your whole diary and have subscribed.   You've done brilliantly.   Looking forward to following your journey love Humdinger xx 

Cherryfudge

Your garden sounds lovely. Gardens with wildlife give such a feeling of peace and perhaps continuity: that sunshine and those bees will have been there every year since there's been a garden, and will continue.

Very well done on both the mortgage and the promotion. I hope the new job is satisfying and you feel the benefit of the extra pay.

NoOneAround

Humdinger1 said:

Darling @NoOneAround I've read through your whole diary and have subscribed.   You've done brilliantly.   Looking forward to following your journey love Humdinger xx 

Wow - Thank you you so much @Humdinger1 - I do remember seeing your name from years ago I think! I've muddled through and we've all survived. Feels like a lifetime on here!
NOA xx

NoOneAround

Cherryfudge said:

Your garden sounds lovely. Gardens with wildlife give such a feeling of peace and perhaps continuity: that sunshine and those bees will have been there every year since there's been a garden, and will continue.

Very well done on both the mortgage and the promotion. I hope the new job is satisfying and you feel the benefit of the extra pay.

Thank you @Cherryfudge. You are absolutely right - I do find peace in my garden and the feeling of continuity too, There are trees that my Dad planted here the first year we moved here, apple cherry and pear, and a conifer hedge. So many happy memories in addition to the sad. 
Hope you are well, there's little time at the moment to catch up on everyone's diaries...
NOA xx

NoOneAround

It has been a really busy week, and exhausting too, with the heat (though i t's lovely to be out of thermal underlayers!). Weekend was really hard, with it being both Father's Day and Mum's birthday, and neither there. I kept myself very busy, and DS made me laugh because his card to DH read "My bl00dy kids think I'm made of money!" in wordle format and inside promised he would stop asking soon   

Work is busy with handover as end of term is approaching, the job wont be that different to what I already do, but will now actually be recognised for it (hopefully?) but it does meam about a 17% increase in salary, which is very nice. 

Have also managed to book a family holiday for July, so hoping to spend some quality time with both kids (still call them that!). DS is living at home as he managed to secure a great job just a few streets away from where he went to school - in the field that he wanted to be in, he's also been recently promoted and is doing very well. All from meeting someone from this company at a conference. I miss DD, she is working away, flights are only an hour but it takes 6 hours travel time door to door, so I don't see her as much as I would like. She's also thriving and is happy. Letting go is so hard. 

I haven't really kept a tight rein on finances, as things are now easier with both mortgage and financial support for DS all come to an end last year. Looking back now, we've come such a long way. at the time it just seemed insurmountable but hard work and sheer determination has paid off, what a mess my head was in when i first started here, and what an amazing network of support I found here. 
I need to summarise it all in a spreadsheet....
Since joining, in 11 years have paid off 209k mortgage and over 30k of unsecured debts, some of these as partial settlements ( I didnt ask, some of the companies just gave big offers). At first I felt guilty about this but then at one point I worked out how much interest we had paid over several years as everything spiralled out of control, and all these creditors just kept increasing our credit limit and raking in more interest each month, sometimes the interest was more than our monthly payments....

I've just realised how late it is ... work tomorrow so will stop for now. Please excuse appalling typing, just very tired, 
Hope everyone is well and enjoying summer. 
Love
NOA xx

NoOneAround

I just spent 45 min typing update and then accidentally closed screen instead of switching screen - without saving when DS appeared unexpectedly over my shoulder

Cherryfudge

Oh that's such a nuisance, and when I do it I find my repeat version is never as good.

How are things?