Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

debtfreewannabe321

Hi NOA! I commented on your diary probably ten years ago now. You must have still been bookmarked though 😀. So much happened to me around ten years ago so I'm not sure if I did post very much on here but I quietly read lots and tried to keep up. I'm back after a long hiatus too. I hope all is okay even with all the ups and downs that life brings ♥️.

mumtoomany

Hi, NOA. I spent several hours yesterday reading your diary, end to end. Although it's not the end yet, obviously. I was cheering you on, suggesting options, agreeing and disagreeing with your choices, willing you to take the job knowing that covid was coming. 

Well done so far, you seem to be relatively unscathed by this experience. Please come back on and tell us the rest of the story. 

Hugs to all your family, mumtoomany.xx

NoOneAround

Cherryfudge said:

Good to have you back! It sounds as if things have moved on a fair way! It will be good to hear more when you have time.

Lovely to see you are still here Cherry! Just popped in to write a few lines but had to reread last few pages of my own diary  to see when /where i'd left things at...so no updating today!
NOA 
xx

NoOneAround

DrSpendingLittle said:

Welcome back! Glad to hear DD and DS are doing well. Look forward to hearing about the updates when you have time!

DSL 

Thanks DSL 
It feels a bit like coming home -  I didn't really expect to see many hellos! Am psyching myself up.....
NOA xx

NoOneAround

jvr said:

NoOneAround said:

Well Here I am again! I think there are still a few people around that I may have known from before...please say hello if you recognise me   
I don't know where to start and I don't have much time tonight but i'll be back next week. So much has happened, so many ups and downs and much sadness, but I've survived.
Mortgage is paid!!!
DD is happy and working and independent!!!
DS is happy and working and independent but living at home now!!!
Debts are down to approx £30K (down from £72K I think) and ongoing, 
In a different phase of my life now...
Love to everyone that supported me from when I first came here in 2014 

Hi NOA, you might not remember me from wow maybe 7 years ago! Just came back to the forums and first thing i saw was yours, nice to see a name I recognise

Hello jvr !
I do remember you and likewise, its really nice to see names I recognise!
NOA xx

NoOneAround

triple_choc_chip said:

Hi NOA
I remember you and your thread was still in my bookmarks! I’m thrilled to hear your mortgage is paid, I have 15 months left on mine. 
Glad the young’uns are doing well and you sound positive.  Looking forward to your update.
TCC

dawnybabes said:

Welcome back 🥰🥰🥰

Thank you TCC and Dawnybabes!
I'd forgotten how lovely it was here on this forum - lovely to see you both and thanking you for saying hello again - trying to work out where to start!
NOA xx

NoOneAround

debtfreewannabe321 said:

Hi NOA! I commented on your diary probably ten years ago now. You must have still been bookmarked though 😀. So much happened to me around ten years ago so I'm not sure if I did post very much on here but I quietly read lots and tried to keep up. I'm back after a long hiatus too. I hope all is okay even with all the ups and downs that life brings ♥️.

I remember you too DFW321! Thank you Isn't it funny how we seem to drift back  to these pages... it's making me feel quite emotional...
NOA xx  

NoOneAround

mumtoomany said:

Hi, NOA. I spent several hours yesterday reading your diary, end to end. Although it's not the end yet, obviously. I was cheering you on, suggesting options, agreeing and disagreeing with your choices, willing you to take the job knowing that covid was coming. 

Well done so far, you seem to be relatively unscathed by this experience. Please come back on and tell us the rest of the story. 

Hugs to all your family, mumtoomany.xx

Wow...Thank you mumtoomany...Can't believe you read all my rambling pages...thank you for taking the time.
I might need to do that one day, to remind myself of where I've been  - as I just saw that i got my 10 year badge on this forum. 
NOA xx

NoOneAround

It feels like I've got so much to update and I just cant seem to formulate where to start.  I just checked back and i last posted in end of Dec'21, looking forward to a better and happier time. 2022 was probably the hardest year of my life. Usual last minute tax return drama in January etc, Feb/Mar weekend visits to see mum, supporting DD and DS through their various life challenges. Everything changed 1st April 22. Mum had wanted to stay put in her own home for the school break, so i went to see her for the weekend,  only to find she'd been having chest pains and not told me. Long hours in A&E, but cleared of anything major and sent home with nothing more than paracetamol. She decided to come back with me to stay with me after all, I could tell she was worried. To cut a long story short, the pain only got worse, many more hours in A&E on 2 more occasions, took six weeks to diagnose advanced terminal cancer. Devastated, she'd been having symptoms that weren't taken seriously before pandemic. She never went back home, and I cared for her 24/7 for 5 months, here at home, before we lost her. Siblings took turns to come as and when they could. The hardest time of my life, harder even than when we lost Dad, because at that time we still had Mum. It was life changing for me.   I didn't look after me in that time, I slept in same room as mum so I was there for her every minute. I didn't look after myself, ate really badly, in survival mode. Grieving has been a long process. The guilt, the what ifs, the unfairness of it all. I can't even begin to describe the emptiness i have felt, in my life, being an adult orphan.  I've been very depressed, and only really starting to get past it over the last 2 or 3 months, but all the stress and lack of self care meant RA flared and also been diagnosed as diabetic. I've continued to work, it has provided structure (as well as frustration, nothing ever really changed). So the money side of things really has had no priority, but something that has ticked along in the background.

There - have shared my big grey cloud that has hung over me for 3 years. 
Thank you for listening. I'll try to other posts more upbeat.
NOA
xx

Cherryfudge

I'm so sorry NOA. What a horrible time you've had, and still too close to it, I suspect, for the good memories to come to the fore. It's good you have got to a place where you are able to come back on here and explain, but it's clearly been a long, hard time and must have taken its toll.

Don't feel you have to be upbeat for the sake of it, I am sure people will want to support you through the hard times as well as the good ones. x