Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

Brogden

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

Whew. It's taken me the best part of 2 days to get through your diary, but that is what a 2 year old, batch cooking, and.. well life around MSE will do to you!!

Having read it in that space of time, can I just say you sound so much more together over the last few pages than you did at the beginning. Definitely the stunned and bewildered bunny in the headlights moment is behind you.

Lovely to see your sig already showing signs you're fighting back. I am really impressed with that considering your income and outgoings!!

As for the school fees, I would walk through fire to make sure that my daughter has everything she needs thought not everything she would want. Obviously your son is getting a fantastic education, is settled, has friends and is thriving in the environment there. He has a lot of stress going on around him at home, which is not your fault or his, so school is probably a bit of a haven. Reassure him that you are doing everything you can to make sure he doesn't suffer currently, and that it doesn't mean that you are being negatively affected elsewhere. Lighten a possible load on his young shoulders, and on your own. You are a fantastic parent, putting your kids before yourself and you remind me of my mum in the way you are battling to make sure you do as much for your kids needs as you can. Give yourself a break.

Also, CONGRATULATIONS on the marking job!! That wage per hour is fabulous and I hope that the marking comes in thick and fast and gives you some breathing space!

Now, you've had your LBM, but I am not quite sure you have fully come to terms with it yet. Call SC, get your facts written down in a specific notepad, and start to make a plan. Brogden has some fab advice up there ref going it on your own. She is very right in that you will feel much better once you are in control, and you will no longer dread opening the post.

Finally, haven't heard OH mentioned in a little while. Take it he is still ignoring things? Money is the number 1 reason for break-ups and divorces, with children right up there too. You've got through the kids and I hope you can get through this too. Keep your chin up. You're a strong woman.

Lots of love, and thanks for the kind words on my diary xx

Great words liltdiddylilt but she??........Brogden's a bloke!!!!!:rotfl:

We all have our crosses to bare.....I could look gorgeous too, live longer and have no stress but no.......I was born a bloke :rotfl:.

xxx

liltdiddylilt

:o:o:o

Must do my homework!!! I am so sorry!! Your words were so succinctly put I thought for sure you must be a woman... It is a compliment

Brogden

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

:o:o:o

Must do my homework!!! I am so sorry!! Your words were so succinctly put I thought for sure you must be a woman... It is a compliment

HaHa!!! Wot a sweetie....thanks

Brogden x

NoOneAround

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Hi NOA! Thought I would come and find you Well done on the new job! :j

My eldest son was in boarding school for 3 years so I understand your predicament with not wanting to take your son out. My eldest son left through his own choice as he was unhappy with the boarding aspect of it. HOWEVER, once he moved to the local comp it was a bit of a reality shock to him, he'd led a very sheltered life in the boarding school, secluded in a lovely school, in huge grounds on a famous cliff and coming back down to earth in the local failing comp (which closed shortly after he arrived so he had to move again!!) really was hard for him. They didn't play rugby which upset him more than the fact they didn't do some of his subjects :wall: but he did settle eventually. SC were great when I told them we were paying school fees and like they said to you there are a lot of people in the same boat. Our school fees were no where near yours though, my DH is in the forces and we had 90% off the fees. It was cheaper to send him there than have him at home eating me out of food :rotfl: I know how hard it is though, I paid for his prep school fees for years on my CC :(

I have flicked through your diary and now can't remember if you ever sorted out the life insurances? They seemed particularly high to me. Even DH in his job only pays £47 a month (and I thought that was extortionate :rotfl:)

I love the fact you've become perkier as your posts have gone along, a sure sign the shock is over and you're settling into the debt-busting ways . I also recommend YNAB if you haven't got a budgeting tool yet...also for your DD at uni. I believe they were doing it free for students too (http://www.youneedabudget.com/blog/2014/ynab-is-now-free-for-college-students/) I don't know if anyone ever used my referral code but if they didn't that's $6 dollars off for you if you want it!

*subscribed* xx

Hi DFW321 - Thank you for dropping by and taking time to read and subscribing and for your understanding on the school fees dilemma, it would be a last resort for me to take him out when he is so happy there and doing so well
I haven't bought YNAB but have clobbered together an Excel worksheet which I am improving as I go along - but might suggest that DD gets it if its free for students! Don't have any spare money at the moment though I can see that lots of people are saying its worth every penny!


I have had telephone conversation with financial adviser re policies - one of them came back with some quotes and it was around £45 /month cheaper for similar cover - subject to medicals etc but I haven't given the go ahead yet, want to go to someone different too.


The cost is pushed up as we have in there cover for school fees if something happens to one of us, and both have an income protection policy that would pay £1600/month for life/terminal illness. Someone here said that we may have been mis-sold as we are self employed so I need to go back to original adviser - he was aware that we were self employed - so I still need to check that out.


Thank you for saying I sound perkier - that's good to hear - I have willed my mind into a steel frame of mind and as I have said before - will do whatever it takes to see this through:)


Will catch up with you during the day
xx

NoOneAround

Brogden wrote: »

Hi NOA

I hope you are having a good weekend!


You mentioned a problem with the minimum payments for Step Change. I forgot about this and I dwelled on this issue a good while ago before falling into ‘self managed.’ I am so happy that you’re feeling much better than you were but I’ll bet you could be even more happy if you got on with self managed. You can always go to Step Change in the future if you need to.

• Get the Income and Expenditure form from the CAB website
• Complete it giving yourself ample wiggle room – be generous to yourself
• Pro-rata the surplus monthly income figure for each predator in proportion to the size of each debt to arrive at a little chunk of money for each one.
• Send the form with a letter advising each predator of your financial concerns, offering that payment and ask for their acceptance.

There you have it – a ‘Self Managed DMP.’ It absolutely does not matter if the calculated pro-rata payments are 93p for this one £1.27 for that one……if its backed up with an I&E form I promise they will all accept it. Set up the standing orders now – don’t wait for them to say ‘yes.’

What to do with the cc you wish to keep? I would include the balance in the pro-rata calculation so you are acknowledging the cards existence but pay the card what you want…..it is unlikely it will be picked up.

You are then following DMP principles with an attractive touch of decadence....... :rotfl:

You feel so much more sorted out.

Brogden

Brogden _Thank you !!!! the more I think about it the more I think I will try self managing first - as you and lots of others have said I could always go to SC if I struggle!


This is so clearly put and despite the fact that I know this is what I should do - have been putting it off. I have already sent temporary token payment letters off, but as it has been 6 months some of the earlier cards I wrote to will now be registering defaults, so I guess I now need to follow up and say situation much the same and continue paying, pro rata. The defaults still scare me, but it's going to happen and I am delaying the inevitable.

Thank you for taking the time to post, will follow closely though as you are a few steps ahead of me in the process and so very focussed!
xx

NoOneAround

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

Whew. It's taken me the best part of 2 days to get through your diary, but that is what a 2 year old, batch cooking, and.. well life around MSE will do to you!!

Having read it in that space of time, can I just say you sound so much more together over the last few pages than you did at the beginning. Definitely the stunned and bewildered bunny in the headlights moment is behind you.

Lovely to see your sig already showing signs you're fighting back. I am really impressed with that considering your income and outgoings!!

As for the school fees, I would walk through fire to make sure that my daughter has everything she needs thought not everything she would want. Obviously your son is getting a fantastic education, is settled, has friends and is thriving in the environment there. He has a lot of stress going on around him at home, which is not your fault or his, so school is probably a bit of a haven. Reassure him that you are doing everything you can to make sure he doesn't suffer currently, and that it doesn't mean that you are being negatively affected elsewhere. Lighten a possible load on his young shoulders, and on your own. You are a fantastic parent, putting your kids before yourself and you remind me of my mum in the way you are battling to make sure you do as much for your kids needs as you can. Give yourself a break.

Also, CONGRATULATIONS on the marking job!! That wage per hour is fabulous and I hope that the marking comes in thick and fast and gives you some breathing space!

Now, you've had your LBM, but I am not quite sure you have fully come to terms with it yet. Call SC, get your facts written down in a specific notepad, and start to make a plan. Brogden has some fab advice up there ref going it on your own. She is very right in that you will feel much better once you are in control, and you will no longer dread opening the post.

Finally, haven't heard OH mentioned in a little while. Take it he is still ignoring things? Money is the number 1 reason for break-ups and divorces, with children right up there too. You've got through the kids and I hope you can get through this too. Keep your chin up. You're a strong woman.

Lots of love, and thanks for the kind words on my diary xx

Hi Lilt .....You read it all?????!!!! Am impressed and Thank You! Brogden and quite a few others have done a self managed DMP and I think that's what I'll do -it so helps to read everyone's diaries here!
Re OH: situation a little better, mainly because I have decided to walk away from "moments" where if I said something it would just light another fuse, and during my early diary I was so down because there were so many of those "light a fuse" and "feed the fire" moments every single day. I am getting on with what I think needs to be done at a pace I can handle, without even bothering to discuss it, so a couple of times he has been a bit taken aback because he doesn't know what's going on - like the interview for example. I still have 2 of his direct debits to change over - having been asking him to make the calls for over 3 weeks now, and he just doesn't, I am going to write out letters on his behalf now and just get him to sign and post - wasting over £1 in postage but hey ho. Haven't been writing about things because then I am dwelling on them. If I have to solve this on my own, then I will because there are a lot of people out there in a lot worse position than me and I am grateful for everything I have and that I have the capability to deal with this.


This diary is really helping me not to dwell on the wrong things. He doesn't know about the diary bit yet


Thank you, Jelly's lovely curly hair so reminded me of my two when they were little - both had lovely natural curls and ringlets...mums used to ask me how long I spent in the mornings doing DD's hair!!!!!!

NoOneAround

Brogden wrote: »

Great words liltdiddylilt but she??........Brogden's a bloke!!!!!:rotfl:

We all have our crosses to bare.....I could look gorgeous too, live longer and have no stress but no.......I was born a bloke :rotfl:.

xxx

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

:o:o:o

Must do my homework!!! I am so sorry!! Your words were so succinctly put I thought for sure you must be a woman... It is a compliment

Agree Lilt - Definitely a compliment but BRogden you are asking for trouble when you say "and have no stress..." in the same sentence as being a gal!!!!;)

liltdiddylilt

Haha NOA, I chose to ignore that bit!

Theres a TV show on this week, showing that the average woman does twice the housework men do, even if working the same hours don't I know it.

Brogden

NoOneAround wrote: »

Agree Lilt - Definitely a compliment but BRogden you are asking for trouble when you say "and have no stress..." in the same sentence as being a gal!!!!;)

Haha :)

It was a wind-up NOA :):) !!! I knew you'd have a go about that!!!

Brogden xxx

NoOneAround

Brogden wrote: »

Haha :)

It was a wind-up NOA :):) !!! I knew you'd have a go about that!!!

Brogden xxx

So now its " no stress... a gal....and predictable?"
The hole gets deeper;);)
but we'll let you off this time seeing as you give such good advice:p
xx