Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

NoOneAround

eco_farmer wrote: »

Hi,
happy new yr. can i recommend this website.
Its extremely good for teaching mindfulness. There are a series of short webinars that help along the way. Please ignore the title its for everybody. the funding for the website came from a farming charity in response to the huge pressures my industry is under

farmerfocus.com

good luck with it
keep posting.
Eco

Thank You Eco, That's really useful.
I will take a look at it, a quick search keeps taking me to farmers weekly links though, and I couldn't see any obviously links through to the webinars. Internet very slow at the moment so will search again later
I did do a mindfulness mass online course maybe a couple of years ago, and do take a few mins when I remember, mostly when trying to relax to get to sleep. Not good at remembering during the day though.

NOA
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redofromstart wrote: »

Well done you for losing the Christmas pounds.

Hope you have a restful weekend, and that the anxiety eases off.

Thanks Redo,
Trying to roughly calorie count using an app on phone - though not being very strict - just trying to be aware.

NOA
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NoOneAround

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

Mindfulness is something we have at work monthly , I have found it very useful sometimes. Hoping the anxiety is better.

Thanks you Cumbria Lass, that's a really good idea for your work place to do. i just need to try and fit more relaxation in, always easier said then done, just lots going on at the moment.

NOA
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jaxsmar wrote: »

Just reading this post. Thanks for posting it does help other people experiencing the same problems.

Thank you for posting Jaxsmar. I have found a lot of support in reading other peoples stories, makes you feel less alone.

NOA
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NoOneAround

Today is my first proper day at home and I'll make it the start of my New Year. It might end up being quite incoherent as I'm just going to try and get everything down in black and white. I should really be trying to get on top of accounts but just need some time out to clear my head. Apologies for spelling and autocorrect in advance!

Work has been full on over the last year or more It's kept us afloat, and whilst we have only made small progress % wise into paying off debts, but it's been draining/stressful and we're struggling to make time to relax and actually live. One exception was big holiday, in summer, much needed, glad to have done it but much guilt attached.
Quieter on SE front now, which brings on different anxieties.

Still continuing with 2 part time jobs, these cover extras like driving lessons/car insruance for DD and DS etc . Money from them allocated even before its earned! Both DD and DS are in a good place, I can honestly say I couldn't have done more for them, and I think they have shown a certain resilience and got on with things when they needed to. With DS now flapping his wings in readiness for uni in 18-120 months, more parental anxieties (or perhaps its sadness?). Having said that I survived DD leaving home and she's back again, so I know I'll be OK.
Biggest fear is not having much left in common with DH, though he has been trying hard to be helpful. Maybe there just be more time to to talk, we'll have to find our feet again on that front.

Personal -Have felt very much adrift the whole of the last year. 16 months after losing Dad, I now go some days without crying when I think about him, and can sometimes even talk about him with out crying. People say I should try and remember the happy times, problem is his last few years just weren't, looking back in photos he looks so sad all the time. The only times this sadness isn't overwhelming is when I throw myself into work. So I take evrrything that is offered in both part time jobs. Also still do the volunteering and have just committed to more volunteering this past week, setting up a local support group. I'm not sure it's for me really but even in the first meeting i helped link up two older ladies (70 and 82) who live near each other, and it made me feel something positive had been achieved adn I was on a bit of a high for the rest of the day. I can count on my fingers the number of weekends I have been at home and not visiting mum in 16 months. This means that our family together time is virtually non existent. Mum is doing OK. I think I 'm not any where near as far along the process of accepting as she is. Now I have also committed taking mum on a week long visit to see some of her family (she wont travel alone), one close member having been very ill, because if I don't and something happened I could not live with the guilt. So a little part of me is feeling quiet tired of it (which makes me feel even worse). I bet none of that makes any sense!

MOney
Meanwhile one creditor is being a pain, never defaulted - our ex current account. Bank started calling again in evenings and as its been 3 years seem to have forgotten I wrote to them about finances and our situation, but they are saying I have no formal plan with SC in place, yet the other accounts I had with tehm have been deafulted, past on through the process and one even sold on.
I called last week, and had to explain everything from scratch again. and ended up in tears. the (young) guy didn't know what to say and says he's filed it as a complaint but I wont hold my breath.
They have added 3 months of interest at over 75/month, they seemed to say that SC would need to write to them to request freezing interest, I had to say that that happened 3 years ago as it wwas SC who helped me compile the I&E and sent me the template letters to use - I explained that I had the option of going through them of dealing with it myself. etc. So all of this has been causing more anxiety, link back to where I started as SE a bit on the quiet side at the moment.

Housese/Garden - well - it gets neglected, we have to pay some big outlays to get on top of it all again, driveway needs attention, huge overgrown hedge and trees need attention, we are working all the time so don't have time to do it all ourselves. Plus I can't physically do anything heavy in the garden due to carppy strength /dodgy joints. DS helps some but its got beyond managing. Which reminds me I need to make time to exercise - health neglected of late.

I forgot to add, Christmas was nice but very busy and exhausting, family came and went from Christmas Eve to New Year. Seems a long time ago now.

I have spent ages rambling So I'll end now and try and do some chores/work/account. To end on something nice, I got a Christmas card from an old uni friend (he sent one last year but with no address) and many years ago I had a card returned to sender fromt he address I had for him, so we lost touch. I have managed to find him from electoral register (I think - right age group, right name - hope its one and the same!) so will send a letter today

NOA
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NoOneAround

GOALS for 2018
Starting point.

Urgent tasks for Jan
Accounts/tax returns
Home insurance review for Mum
Creditor letters x 2 (this week)

Ongoing
Health
Lose 14lbs /six months - starting @ 11st
Do some strength/flexibility exercise daily
Increase aerobic activity
Make time for hobbies/relaxation.
Meet a friend every two weeks.

House/garden
20mins /day one task at a time.

NoOneAround

A good start made on the accounts, checked spreadsheet vs bank statement, and a bit of paper reduction. Starting to flag so will do a few domestic chores (that side of house is freezing before school run.
Left overs for dinner so no cooking to do tonight. Must get back to bulk cooking healthier meals now excesses of Christmas break have been shed/used up!

NOA
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redofromstart

I'm just sat trying to decide what to do for dinner, wish we had leftovers.

I think you are doing the right thing breaking it down into small steps.

NoOneAround

Good morning,
There's a strange round bright yellow thing in the sky today :T

School run done, washing in, dishwasher cleared, at my desk now to have a short blitz
Walking upstairs to do something domestic for 10 minutes in between desk work (which will add 100 steps minimum to my count each time I do that) -Buoyed by the fact that scales very slightly under the 11st mark (I know you're not supposed to keep checking:o) but I can't help it!
Also wrote out a check list of the various joint flexibility/ strengthening exercises I'm meant to be doing but have neglected since before Christmas, so that I do a good rotation of them at different times during the day, instead of trying to find 30 m ins in one go.

Hope its bright where you are. Have a lovely day.
NOA
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NoOneAround

Oh and Thanks Redo, Leftovers are my favourite sort of meal
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Cherryfudge

Sighted the same bright object in the sky from my window - lovely, isn't it?!

I have been having problems posting recently but it seems to be working today. I just wanted to say (a bit belatedly, sorry) that you've had a very hard year-and-a-bit since your Dad passed away and I really hope for a brighter year this time around. Is it possible to book in a weekend away from your Mum from time to time? I have had to do this, both when my Mum was alive and more recently while I've been spending some of my days off working on her house. It does make it all the more difficult to get back into the routine but it makes a huge improvement in how I feel. Just a thought - I know that what works for me isn't necessarily what works for you.

Lovely to hear you had a card from your friend. I hope he replies soon (and gets into the habit of putting a sender's address on envelopes ). I bumped into an old friend in the supermarket yesterday and have said I'll ring her and arrange coffee sometime. Now I have to do it!

NoOneAround

It is Cherry - long overdue I think!
But still freezing cold, tried to do a bit outside but soon came in:o
Plan is to try and have more time at home as you suggest. I've kept going frequently as when I've stayed at home I find myself getting agitated for not going. Its a vicious circle and I know its become a habit like a comfort blanket that I need to train myself out of.

Got some bits done but had trouble knuckling down to anything today.
Work related emails done though = +
£5 voucher from amazon for honesty (parcel supposedly handed to resident wasn't so contacted them last week, they investigated and reordered items for me today without check with me but I cancelled order as items had arrived in meantime) (where's my halo;) it was a £50 Rugby top for DS (spending his pressie from my Mum).
Have saved dry cleaning money and washed 3 suits for DS and DH on gentle cycle. Ironing is the the hard bit

Meeting friend for coffee on Thursday
DiningTable cleared and tablecloth changed:)

DD coming home tonight after few days visiting friends in very northern universities - hopefully train connections will be on time and I can tie in pick up with school run.

The sunshine today revealed cobwebs galore even though it was all done very thoroughly week before Christmas where do the little eight legged things hide away - I thought I d got them all:rotfl:

NOA
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