Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

brizzledfw

Good to hear you're making progress. Pain re still needing company..but way it goes I guess. Can't he stay in sometimes? My 2 definitely got used to it.

Gave in and put heating on yest eve. Feel a bit of a failure really but a warmer failure!

NoOneAround

We have given up and put heating on too Brizzle - usually try and last out till end of October but couldn't wait any longer.

Feeling very restless and fretting about I don't know what. WE seem to have "settled" into a bearable situation, but then a few days ago DH was approached by one of his old colleagues for another job - he met up with them last night after work and it sounds like they may make an offer. Being the born worrier that I am I feel if he does move he will have burnt the bridge with the current employer as this will be the second time they have employed him and he leaves after a year. Can't make the decision for him , I know loyalty doesn't pay, and he has to do what's best for him, but I can't help worrying. And he hasn't even got an offer yet. What is wrong with me?

NOAh
x

Paige

I think being in trouble financially is so stressful that you do worry about everything. Maybe he wont take the job even if its offered. It a tough decision if more money is involved. Sending good wishes xx

hiddenshadow

Can you and DH play out various "what if" scenarios? I find that helps me sometimes with making a decision.

Re: deciding to take a new job:
What if he gets offered the job at the same rate of pay? Would he be excited to take it?
What if he gets offered the job at [125/150/200]% his current pay? What level makes things significantly easier financially?
Are there any downsides to the job? Extra commuting costs, work clothes, less responsibility/worse career progression/etc?
Are there any upsides to the job? Extra benefits, pension contributions, company car, etc?

Re: burning bridges
Supposing he takes the job and it lasts 6 months (for whatever reason). Does he have a lot of other options for new employment, or is his current employer the main option?
Supposing he takes the job and it lasts 5 years. Could he be in a position (job/career-wise) where he's got a lot more prospects than if he stays in his current job for 5 years?

(Any other scenarios that might worry you - try playing out the worst/best case scenario and see how you would feel about each option.)

Unless his current employer is the only one around in your DH's industry/field, I wouldn't worry too much about burning bridges - if he likes his job and just wants more money he could also use that as a negotiating tactic to see if his current employer will match any offer the new job might make. If he doesn't like his job (and thinks new job will be better, either financially or mentally), then that could be worth it - you'll perform better in a job you enjoy, which could lead to more raises/promotions/recognition/etc.

Good luck - it's a tough decision!

Brogden

Hi NOA:)(h)

Long time no speak .

Whilst I don't want to spread my blues around, please make sure your DH is reminded of your overall financial circumstances and 'thin on the ground ' SE work. Loads of men go around with their head in the clouds and lose it very quickly if their egos are given a boost by a job offer......or a lady with some.. Ha! :rotfl:!!

Seriously....whilst I am being confirmed as redundant and that is now my wish, I do know, and recent experience is confirming to me that 'inclusion and diversity' aside, the British middle aged man is not necessarily the most attractive proposition for lots of employers to the extent that all morning I have been reading SE material on various sites and again considering the big jump :eek:!!

This may be good for me and the deal to be put to your DH may be wonderful and too good to miss but don't let him jump unless 110% sure. Burning one boat is one thing but you don't want to burn every boat in the harbour.

I think a lot of guys need to be reminded that they are required to support and do the responsible thing, even if that is a 'c'onservative choice.

I know it will all work out OK NOA(h) but get your conservative hat on an do a bit of preaching (the hat doesn't have to be blue!)

Brogden x

brizzledfw

Hi NOA..hows things? Bit concerned that you haven't been posting x

NoOneAround

Thanks for taking time to post all your very good advice/suggestions Paige, hiddenshadow, Brogden, and thanks for checking up on me Brizzle
All considered and decision made and very grateful for the support.
and so sorry I haven't been posting much.
All in turmoil and don't feel good posting when I'm like that, but gradually muddling through even though it wasn't my decision to make
DH has accepted his new job, starting at new place Dec. Hopefully all for the best in the long run but who knows where life will take us.
w

Very jittery as no new work has been confirmed for SE. perhaps the miracle of last year when we got inundated in the lead up to Christmas might happen again?
Too tired to talk about it now but will hopefully update more towards end of week when I will have finished this stint of marking work, and done the Vat return and paid VAtman, and hopefully slept a few hours at some point....

Sorry I haven't caught up with any diaries last coupe of weeks.
but hope all well with you all
xx
NOA

hiddenshadow

Congrats on DH's new job, I hope it works out well!

Fingers crossed on the SE front.

NoOneAround

Morning All
Thank you hiddenshadow

So....where to begin? Has to be a short and sweet as have a to do list to the moon and back (yes I cried...JL ad).

So DH has accepted new job. He wasn't unhappy but not 100% happy as he felt he wasn't using his full skill set, so hopefully this one will be more satisfying. Current employer has been fine, they tried to offer him more money to get him to stay. Overall DH with the two moves DH will have increased gross salary by 20% but at 40% tax doesn't really make a dent in things. He will still get car/fuel card, hopefully car tax will be a bit less as pd11 limit is less. I even joked that he would lose his lovely shiny new car and he said it wasn't about the car really, so I know he has made the right decision. Waiting to see how things will work out with bottom line figure in terms of money available.

SE work - still slow, a few more enquiries but nothing concrete yet. 50% less than what we should be getting for this, so Christmas/January period looking bleak. £1000 in unpaid invoices which I 've been chasing since last week. I have got 3 weeks of work lined in agency marking work in December which will help towards December bills.

Have not for a minute regretted packing in the fun casual work, weekends seem not quite so manic and I feel I have time to think/breathe.

Parents - still struggling along. Have visited them last two weekends and will go again during this week. Dad not well at he moment - started with a painful neck - possibly trapped nerve - agonisingly painful, he could hardly move. Persuaded him to call Dr for a home visit - they didn't, but DR prescribed higher dose pankillers (which he is not meant to take). He took for two days and began to sound terrible on phone, so I called 111 as was very worried, he had described dizziness and numbness in arm etc. They were brilliant and went to him straight away. They were satisfied all OK but said if he wanted they could take him to hospital. He didn't go. Personally I think he overdosed on the Co-Cod*l. He is still not well and am really cross with his useless drs surgery. It seems they have given up on him. Its not the first time, last time he ended up in hospital when they refused to do a home visit or let him come to the surgery when he had diarrhoea for 4 days that wasn't improving, he became comatose in the middle of the night. Need to talk to them but not sure what to say - dad not a confrontational person and doesn't like to complain.

DS ambling along doing very well at school, but I have constantly nagging about gaming time. He hasn't managed to control it himself, we are now at point where I have said that he has to earn it minute for minute of helping with jobs for me around the house. He's thinking this is very unfair. What a hard life teenagers have these days.

DD is happy in second year at uni, am hearing less and less from her. She has entered into a relationship with a house mate...(against my better judgement ;-) .... asked her to think about it - living with someone 24 hrs a day, uni should be for meeting lots of people and doing lots of things, having adventures, not staying in watching Netflix and playing with her new iphone :-(
And in her busyness with life she hasn't found time to put a stamp on a card for my birthday last week. :-(
.........Yes I know she needs to make her own mistakes, and that I need to let go!!!!

My garden is sadly neglected, but looking very pretty in red orange and yellow. Haven't had time to enjoy it much at all.

Its coming to the end of another year, it's been 15 months since I started pouring out my life story here. We are at a sort of limbo land stage at the moment. I'm struggling with a decision to try and find full time work ( a couple of possible openings - two different colleagues asked me last week to think about joining them) but I'm afraid to commit my time to full time employment, with the constant worry of parents, and also feel I couldn't give it my best because of many years of suffering from insomnia, and constant fatigue.

I wish that things were moving faster with the debt, I wish that my parents would make the decision to move in with us, I wish that we were interacting more as a family - Am finding that the three of us rattle around in different rooms doing different things, and have very little that we do in common. I guess this is typical empty nest syndrome, even though its not quite empty yet.

Christmas is looming and the plan is everyone will come here but I wont know until nearer the time if that will be practical, with dad's health.

Staying positive though, because things always work out in the end, and we are moving forwards even if it is only at a nanometer pace per year. It's easy to just post on here when I want a rant, but just for the record, behind it all I have a strong belief that all will be right in the end, even if at the moment I don't know the exact route.

We haven't paid off much of the debt, but it isn't growing.
DD is happy and well on her way to independence.
I am learning to accept DH's inability to discuss the debt, and am handling it as I see fit. He works very hard and hasn't run off ;-)
DS is growing into a nice young man, and is very affectionate despite my misgivings over normal teen issues.
I'm grateful that I am in a position to support my parents as they need it, if I was in full time employment I couldn't.
I also have 4 siblings who are supportive in their own different ways, we don't always agree but I know that they would be there without hesitation if I needed help.
I feel sad that I have neglected some close friends these past few years, but I know that the ones that are true will still be there when I am ready.

lots of love and hugs
NOA
xx

NoOneAround

Oops - that wasn't so short and sweet at all - got carried away! ROTFL
xx