Jealousy of Motability car

Mojisola

7roland8 wrote: »

Thats probably them just being helpful though.

People used to offer to lift things from high shelves when I would go round on my scooter - I can get off it but I think we ought to accept these offers graciously otherwise people will be scared off from ever offering - which would be sad.

I agree - it's difficult for people who don't know you to know what you're capable of - I've been snapped at for offering help - not barging in but just asking "Can I help?" or saying "Just ask if you need help".

I can understand the "I'm disabled - not useless!" reaction but then the next person might need help and it won't be offered.

If the offer is polite, a pleasant "No, thanks, I can manage" is enough to leave you to get on with things.

TOBRUK

Mojisola and 7roland8 I totally agree with you, when I go to do some grocery shopping I am quite often asked, veryoften by another shopper (toatal stranger) whether I would like some help - especially if I am sruggling to get something off a shelf or e.g. having difficulty opening one of those horrible bags around the veg shelves as I can only use one hand/arm. They are kind to offer their help and if you are disabled you should get over the fact that you have 'difficulties' with some things (it does not mean you are useless) and should accept help if you need it and are offered!

It would be very sad that if you were struggling and nobody offered any help when they could see you were struggling! Before I became disabled, (I have seen this from both sides) if I saw anyone, (disabled OR able bodied) having difficulty with something I would offer my help.

It is just a matter of being helpful and considerate to others! If someone for example was struggling with a young child in a pushchair to open a door to get through, would you ignore them or would you open the door for them? Just accept their kindness and consideration for what it is and do not get defensive or analyze it, they are good people. Whenever people do ask if they can help it makes me smile and extremely grateful:)

LaneyJoArjun75

I have said very clearly that if you want to be happy with all my benefits, you can get all the negatives as well. That means no giving up halfway through, once those legs stop working, they will never function again. Oftentimes I doubt it’s actual jealousy and more just people being rather dumb.

Better_Days

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree - it's difficult for people who don't know you to know what you're capable of - I've been snapped at for offering help - not barging in but just asking "Can I help?" or saying "Just ask if you need help".

I can understand the "I'm disabled - not useless!" reaction but then the next person might need help and it won't be offered.

If the offer is polite, a pleasant "No, thanks, I can manage" is enough to leave you to get on with things.

Actually I find it quite nice to be offered help if it is done with genuine understanding. When I had a mammogram last year the nurse asked if I would like help dressing and I said yes with thanks. I was exhausted and it was a luxury to have that help. But another nurse at the Breast Clinic commented that some people with ME are malingerers - so experience varies enormously. On a rare visit out to the garden centre earlier this year I paid for my plants and the lad on the till gave the change to the person with me:eek: Dearie me.

Mojisola

Better_Days wrote: »

But another nurse at the Breast Clinic commented that some people with ME are malingerers - so experience varies enormously.

I'm another one with ME and this attitude is so annoying! Eventually, there will be tests on the NHS to explain our symptoms but, in the meantime, we have to put up with people's prejudices.

On a rare visit out to the garden centre earlier this year I paid for my plants and the lad on the till gave the change to the person with me:eek: Dearie me.

Oh, that's awful - if you'd given him the money, why would he do that? Absolutely classic "Does he take sugar?" attitude.

Better_Days

When I gave feedback to the hospital I did say that I felt that the malingering comment was inappropriate.

It was a young lad at the garden centre - if I could have spoken to him quietly I would have said something, but I saw little point in embarrassing him in front of his colleagues and other customers (he didn't seem to have much confidence and it can be hard when first going into the workplace). Hopefully Wyevale have 'diversity' training :rotfl::rotfl:

pipkin71

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree - it's difficult for people who don't know you to know what you're capable of - I've been snapped at for offering help - not barging in but just asking "Can I help?" or saying "Just ask if you need help".

I can understand the "I'm disabled - not useless!" reaction but then the next person might need help and it won't be offered.

If the offer is polite, a pleasant "No, thanks, I can manage" is enough to leave you to get on with things.

Agree.

I've been so ill lately and have really appreciated any and all offers of help but had people been put off offering, I would have struggled so a polite no thank you goes much further than a short sharp refusal

wildwestfan

As someone with huge mobility issues plus being profoundly deaf I ALWAYS accept any offers of assistance even if I don't really need it. It somehow seems to be throwing a very kind gesture back in someone's face if the kindly meant offer of help is rejected.

Indie_Kid

Many of us have good reason to reject the offer of help. Sometimes, the offer of "help" can just make things worse.

7roland8

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Many of us have good reason to reject the offer of help. Sometimes, the offer of "help" can just make things worse.

There is nothing wrong with rejecting help if offered - just make sure it is done in a pleasant way so that it does not deter the person from ever offering again.