I am such an idiot! When will I learn?

judi24 · 30 December 2014 at 1:12AM

Kantankerus Mare - I did Dry January last year it was tough as I too enjoy a gloss of wine or 2! But it did make me feel better and gave my healthy eating a boost - so planning on having another go this year! I do have enough left over turkey to last us a while! just need to be inventive or we will get ever so slightly bored!!!

Thistle-down - thank you for your kind words - glad to know I have been of some inspiration but I have a long way to go and I veer off the MSE path very easily! But this time definitely feels different! Hopefully I have finally got my act together once and for all! Good luck to you on your journey too!

Today I had a lovely walk along the canal side - just me and the doodle dog. It was chilly but very beautiful and while walking I had time to think and reflect about the past year and the year to come and what I hope to achieve. I am determined to get debt free - and want to enjoy some of the wonderful countryside I have on my doorstep - 2014 has been a strange year and I guess being on my own made me think I couldn't do the things I want to do but today showed me that nothing is stopping me except me!!

So in an attempt to get a bit fitter and encourage my kids to be a bit more active I have come up with a plan - every week I WILL do something active! When I have the kids they will get to choose and activity and I will use the money I used to use for the gym (£55) to fund this so they can choose one thing that's costs and one free thing as long as in total I spend less than £50 a month. The weekend I am on my own I will take the dog and go and explore the world - I will plan walks and might even join a walking group if I can get brave enough! although I do quite like my own company! I have basic walking gear so there is no need to go and spend any money - just need to get off my backside and do it!!!

Piercedmrsp · 30 December 2014 at 4:46PM

Hi judi! I've read most of this thread today and think you're doing fantastically to have knocked so much off your debt so quickly. You are quite the inspiration and should be very proud of yourself!

Not sure how things now stand with your DD2 but when I was her age I'd just moved out of home and was managing well because my Mum had taken the time to encourage me to be independent. I'd been doing my own washing for a decade (mum's words - "well if you want it washing now you know where the machine is, otherwise wait until I'm washing anyway at the weekend") and knew what went into keeping a house, although admittedly a decade later I still don't keep mine nearly as showroom perfect as hers! What she also didn't tolerate was me being a brat and expecting her to do everything for me, which is exactly what you're not tolerating with DD2. Rightly so!

She is an adult, irrespective of where she lives, and should not expect others to do everything for her. Does she expect her work colleagues to do her share of the work? If she is mature enough to have a job and so forth she is certainly old enough to stick a load of laundry on, and frankly so are your younger two. My 7yr old niece does most of her laundry - she just isn't allowed into the fabric conditioner because she puts too much in. She knows how to sort it and work the machine though, and she is fastidious about folding her clothes and putting them away because, as she puts it, she doesn't want to look all messy.

The idea someone else suggested of getting DD1 to have a word is a good one. It's all too easy for kids to ignore their parents ("ugh it's just mum having a go") but when it comes from someone else they're more likely to take note. Also as someone suggested, try not to get drawn into a shouting match with her - difficult as that may be - as that feeds into her view that you are somehow being mean to her. If indeed the root of her bratty behaviour is that she is unhappy in her own life maybe the two of you could spend some time talking through what she would like to do and how she might work towards that. If she is feeling more positive generally she may be more inclined to help without making a scene.

Keep going with her - she will either realise that you aren't going to back down and you aren't being unreasonable and actually start helping or she will move out and realise just how good she had it on £200 a month all inclusive!

Good luck with debt fighting in 2015!

ampersand · 30 December 2014 at 10:26PM

judi - glad to see Piercedmrsp's latter para.s already permataped across your forehead at dd2's eyeline :-). You'll both be so much happier, healthier, saner, more solvent for these measures[Vive Baldrick!]AND, in turn, setting the template that ensures NO REPETITION with the younger ones.
I lay a bet now that DD2, in years to come when your youngest are doing the Pushover Mum-Testing, which goes with All the Groan-Up Ghastlies, will be a damned stern ally with and for you. [I'm counting my winnings now: into the lumpaland over-the-ditch Fund they go, as we speak:-)]
#
Now, judi - here:
'So in an attempt to get a bit fitter and encourage my kids to be a bit more active I have come up with a plan - every week I WILL do something active! When I have the kids they will get to choose and activity.........'and continue, becoming too specific, too £number-bound. That's my feeling and right or wrong, may I suggest you simply SAY, then DO:
'every week I WILL do something active!'.

This:
'When I have the kids they will get to choose and activity and I will use the money I used to use for the gym (£55) to fund this so they can choose one thing that's costs and one free thing as long as in total I spend less than £50 a month.'
needlessly complicates.
You don't need yet another system, prone to possible 'failure'[NOTE WELL my parentheses], which, in turn, can put the skids under you.

You offer NO choices...well, 'either' or 'or' at most., but REMEMBER: JUDI IS THE MUMMY. JUDI IS THE PARENT. JUDI DECIDES....and then you all get on with it.
'We're out the door.....NOW' means that.
'The Mystery Ride starts in 10 minutes, so be in the car or miss out' means that. As does 'Everyone in, in 5. If you're not all in, no surprise...'

etc.etc.

After which, children of judi are thanking their Lucky Stars that &'s broom is nowhere in sight............
Stay strong, save me for Ultimate Threat:-)))))))))))

judi24 · 31 December 2014 at 12:06AM

Oh Ampersand you post made me chuckle and nearly spit my port all over my laptop! (I bought some for Christmas and didn't partake so decided to have little sip tonight as I will be starting Dry January after tomorrow! it was half price and my little treat!!!) I can imagine threatening my little ones with you broom!!! Yes I do over complicate and over plan things! We will just get out and do rather than plan and plot and never get to the actual doing bit!!

Piercedmrsp - you are so right - I do need to be firm with her. Perhaps I am not very good at being specific in my expectations! Another new years resolution I think!

ampersand · 31 December 2014 at 12:20AM

I like my port, judi and the weather's right tonight.

I'm just not a good[or any kind of]lone drinker. It just feels silly on my own.

Raffle prizes[2 in last fortnight] lovely Famous Grouse and crimbo hamper are both untouched so far. Have a decent cellar which has developed over 20+ years. Love pastis too, but not in this country - just doesn't remotely feel the same without the sun, the company, the surroundings, integration in la France profonde.

Did everyone love their h-m things? I bet they did! - and all thought how clever you are. Well done!:-)

judi24 · 31 December 2014 at 8:16PM

Everyone loved their home made goodies - they all thought I was marvellous making things, working FT, doing a masters and having 4 kids! Little do they know my house now looks like a bomb site!!!

Off to a friends tonight with younger two - she's a Scot too so doing a Hogmanay themed night - I've made her a first foot pack with a bit of Christmas cake, some home made shortbread, a piece of coal from my living flame fire (that I need back!!) and a bottle of blackberry brandy (don't do whiskey). I have toed it all up with a ribbon and label saying 'Just add tall dark handsome stranger!' - I'm sure the kids will love it!

So all that's left is to wish all my MSE friends a good new year and a prosperous (debt free!) 2015!
Tomorrow I will move this thread to a new diary with the aim of getting debt free in 2015!!!

Thank you all for you words of encouragement and support thus far and hoping you will continue to encourage me and I you! _party_