Removing father from birth certificate

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

I'm calling comedy bullcrap on this magical mystery tour. Can the OP drip feed some more information to keep this yarn a-spinning? Only half way through do we find out that this kid is nearly old enough to vote but luckily the OP stops the story from unravelling by giving us details of the son's inability to understand, what, anything? What happens next? How many more pages until the OP whips out the facts that we all want to know, like what the ex-partner actually did. I'll check back in a few hours.

MCMitten

The name change isn't really an issue as firstly it would be nice for us all to have the same surname... although we are a happy family unit, it would just mean he wouldn't be the only one with a different surname. It would be quite easy to do as he could just scrub his surname and go by his middle name (which coincidentally is the name we would be changing it to anyway) The only bit we would keep from him just now is that we would also be doing It so his father couldn't easily trace him. If in the future my son wanted to get in contact with him, then we wouldn't stop that, but like I said before it could be done in a controlled way from our side
as for the birth certificate, unless we go through adoption proceedings, then it looks unlikely we can do this anyway...

MCMitten

I didn't say he didn't have the capacity to understand. .. I said he's not emotionally ready for all the sordid details! We will tell him one day but not now... and the reason for the name change is to protect him from him being found!
As for you Mr Ronaldo... comedy bull crap! Away you go back under your rock! The reason I haven't put what happened is because of nosey barstewards like yourself... i came here to seek advice, not give you a good read!

RAS

Hi

I think you mean well.

I also think that you risk seriously damaging your relationship with your son.

When he finds out that you have known for years that his dad committed (a) serious crime(s) and you have kept that information from him, he will lose trust in you. And then wonder what else have you failed to tell him?

It may be worth talking to external advisors with experience in this situation and getting advice on how to tell him sooner rather than later.

It may be you tell him that you have heard that ex has been sentenced to prison and then simply tell him the absolute basics (attacking someone for example) IF he asks? Then leave it and let him decide if he wants more information. No need for the great gruesome details.

Generally if someone is in the place to ask a question, they are in the place to deal with the answer.

Don't be evasive and don't be informative.

And before you do that get some support fro yourself so that your emotional tone is neutral.

MCMitten

Thank you RAS I think I might have a word with his psychologist and see what advice she can give on handling this with him. Due to his autism he can struggle with too much information and we've just managed to get him in a stable point in his life... I don't want to mess that up. I shall call her tomorrow, thank you x

Tommelise

Having read trough the whole tread and your posts twice mcMitten I find you come across a a very intelligent person and caring mother. I do think your reasons for wanting to change your sons name are good, and my advice would be to do what you feel is right for your son.
Do consider when to tell your son about his father and dont put it of for years and years as it would be better if he heard about it from you. If by any chance someone else told him something in the future, or he decided to look for some answers alone in some years time it would be a hard blow and be harder for him to overcome.


Also consider writing it down. Heaven forbid something should happen to you and prevent to you to tell him yourself - just imagine how he would feel finding out about it and that you kept it from him.
He is lucky to have a mother like you

xxx

Nicki

If his dad hasn't bothered for the last 8 years and is just about to start a lengthy prison sentence, why are you worried about him finding your son at some point in the next 4 years OP? Will dad even be eligible for parole before your son turns 18?

MCMitten

Thank you Tommelise, that's very kind of you I'm going to take things one step at a time. I'm going to speak with his psychologist and discuss with her how best to handle this with him... It needs to be handled correctly. In a way, I want to leave it as long as possible but I understand this would be selfish... I know it's going to hurt him and prey on his mind and I don't want to do that to him
His father has threatened that he will find him one day but there's not just him that I need to protect my son from... A couple of members of his family have taken his side and would rather believe it to be lies instead of accepting what is truth. I presume it's easier for these people to say that others are fabricating stories as opposed to admitting that their family member has done these vile crimes... maybe it's their way of dealing with what has happened, I don't know. Either way I don't want these people trying to contact my son and relay information back to his father (they've already tried to contact me) That side of the family has been torn apart and I don't want my son caught up in it, ive protected him this long and will carry on doing so I suppose my main concern is that he's going to want to use things like Facebook and Twitter at some point in the near future, so changing his name now will help to shield him from all that... until he decides himself whether he wants to get in contact with them that is.

Nicki

But you want to change his name to his existing first name and your surname. Is that not the first alternative that a family member/his father would try if the old name threw up no hits. Added to which you aren't proposing to change your own name which they know and telephone and electoral rolls will list your name. It isn't rocket science to assume your son will be living with you even if under a different name.

marisco_2

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

I'm calling comedy bullcrap on this magical mystery tour. Can the OP drip feed some more information to keep this yarn a-spinning? Only half way through do we find out that this kid is nearly old enough to vote but luckily the OP stops the story from unravelling by giving us details of the son's inability to understand, what, anything? What happens next? How many more pages until the OP whips out the facts that we all want to know, like what the ex-partner actually did. I'll check back in a few hours.

I cant imagine what possessed you to come onto a thread, with the sole intention to try and stir up bad feeling and cast doubt over the OP being genuine. Seriously what exactly do you get out of being so downright spiteful?