Removing father from birth certificate

Nicki

At 14 years old surely the child's views would be canvassed both in relation to an adoption and to a change of name? And the reasons for the change of name would then have to be explained.

My own son is 14 and he would certainly not want his name to be changed without a good reason and his own consent.

Are the events which have triggered this all very recent OP? Would it be worth talking through options with a professional? Perhaps a family counsellor or victim support (if appropriate). A quick knee jerk reaction to a recent trauma may long term cause damage to your relationship with your son.

MCMitten

I feel it's better doing it all now ch27 as he'll want it done when he's older I'm sure... no child wants that kind of connection to a vile monster

CH27

MCMitten wrote: »

I feel it's better doing it all now ch27 as he'll want it done when he's older I'm sure... no child wants that kind of connection to a vile monster

I think he has to choose that for himself though.
You need to tread carefully because his dad created him equally with you. He shares both sets for genes.

I know someone whose dad did the vilest things & when she turned 18 she chose to have contact with him, got some answers & then walked away.

Person_one

He's 14? I assumed you were talking about a much younger child.

I think you need to have the conversation now that you are desperate to put off till later (I do understand why you want to put it off). He is old enough to know the truth about his father and to make his own decisions about his name.

Voyager2002

Nicki wrote: »

At 14 years old surely the child's views would be canvassed both in relation to an adoption and to a change of name? And the reasons for the change of name would then have to be explained.

My own son is 14 and he would certainly not want his name to be changed without a good reason and his own consent.

That is all very true: hence my suggestion that an adoption should be something positive, about cementing and celebrating the lad's relationship with his new Dad.

MCMitten

My son luckily has the same middle name as my partners surname so we would explain it as we wanted him to have the same name as the rest of the family... We would obviously consult him on this my main worry is that my son has autism and if his father made any contact him he could be easily persuaded into doing things he didn't want to... changing his name is for his own safety as it will make it harder for his father to trace hum in the future... If he wishes to get answers then we can do it in a controlled way from this side

MCMitten

He's not emotionally ready to be told yet person-one he has autism and other emotional difficulties x

marisco_2

I cant add to all the great advice already given. I am very sorry for all that you are going through OP. You come across as a very caring mum, doing your upmost to protect your son and maintain his wellbeing. I expect you two are very close. He will pick up on your understandable anxiety and upset. Could it help you to seek some support and counseling? Relate offer a very good service as do the Samaritans. Take care

pulliptears

The association in a name can be huge for a child. When I was 15 my Uncle shot my Aunt (she survived fortunately). We have a very unusual surname and of course it was huge news locally. I couldn't deny being related to this person and I'd have loved to change my name back then and remove the association.

I can fully understand why OP wants to do this. An adoption can sometimes be done without Fathers consent under certain circumstances. I think you need to see a professional.
Best wishes to you.

MCMitten

Marisco... Thank you for your kind words I have the most supportive partner and he's helping me greatly through all this I was okay during the trial but since the verdict I've found out the most horrific things occurred... since then I've been struggling to get my head around it all I think I will take your advice and speak to someone... I'm a very positive and happy person by nature, but this has knocked me for six
Pulliptears... that is extremely comforting to hear. It cements in my mind that I'm definitely doing the right thing x