Removing father from birth certificate

MCMitten

OK... To clear up as much confusion as possible. I left my ex partner 8 years ago due to extreme domestic violence, my son was 6 at the time and remembers this he has had a lot of help and support over the years and is finally happy... As are we all he hasn't had any contact with his fathers side of the family and is perfectly happy with this... His aunties know how to contact me if need be and they are extremely understanding about why I took my son away... If anything they are as keen as me to shelter him from that side of things to the point where they feel changing his name is a must. I was contacted by the police about a year ago and have been a witness against my ex... He has since been convicted of multiple serious crimes which i dont feel comfortable stating and is looking at a long prison sentence. As for the name change, I think he would have no problem with changing it... It would mean he would have the same surname as his little sister, who he adores we obviously wouldn't just go ahead and do this, we would talk to him and put it to him that we were doing it so we could all have the same surname. As for keeping him from his father, if he wishes to get in contact with him then we will sit and discuss this as a family and he can decide how he wants to proceed from there... I just don't want it happening the other way round. As for removing his father from the birth certificate, my son has had no contact with him for many years and I very much doubt he will want to have any kind of association with him... Even more so if he knows the full story given the way he feels about his father just now, I doubt whether this would bother him.

Voyager2002

TBagpuss wrote: »

Voyager, when and where did you do this?

It used to be quite common but is much less so now, and is inconsistent with a lot of the underlying principals in family law. Its do-able if the biological parent consents, but if they don't, it is far from simple or cheap, in most cases. (it's different where there is no biological parents, because they have died, or are unknown - but that is not OPs situation) OP, if you do want to look at step-parent adoption, see a solicitor first to get clear , up to date, professional advice.

My experience was in England, and the process was completed in 2010. While we thought we might need to dispense with the biological parent's permission and explored what would be involved, eventually we found a way to persuade him to give permission so avoided a good deal of trouble.

In an extreme case, such as that in which the OP seems to find herself, I am confident that it will be possible but sure that it will not be simple.

swingaloo

MCMitten wrote: »

OK... To clear up as much confusion as possible. I left my ex partner 8 years ago due to extreme domestic violence, my son was 6 at the time and remembers this he has had a lot of help and support over the years and is finally happy... As are we all he hasn't had any contact with his fathers side of the family and is perfectly happy with this... His aunties know how to contact me if need be and they are extremely understanding about why I took my son away... If anything they are as keen as me to shelter him from that side of things to the point where they feel changing his name is a must. I was contacted by the police about a year ago and have been a witness against my ex... He has since been convicted of multiple serious crimes which i dont feel comfortable stating and is looking at a long prison sentence. As for the name change, I think he would have no problem with changing it... It would mean he would have the same surname as his little sister, who he adores we obviously wouldn't just go ahead and do this, we would talk to him and put it to him that we were doing it so we could all have the same surname. As for keeping him from his father, if he wishes to get in contact with him then we will sit and discuss this as a family and he can decide how he wants to proceed from there... I just don't want it happening the other way round. As for removing his father from the birth certificate, my son has had no contact with him for many years and I very much doubt he will want to have any kind of association with him... Even more so if he knows the full story given the way he feels about his father just now, I doubt whether this would bother him.

Please be careful how you proceed.

Can I just say that my mother refused to give me information about my dad and left him off my birth certificate (although I didnt know that till after her death) I heard all kinds of horror stories about him and didnt see him after I was 2 years old but even now at 62 I am so very angry that MY choice was taken away.

Maybe I would have hated him or not wanted to contact him but my right to decide was taken away because of the choice my mother made and I resent her deeply for that.

meer53

I agree that as your son wouldn't understand why you are wanting to do this at the moment, it would be best to leave it until he's older and can make his own decision. It does seem to be a bit of a knee jerk reaction.

You can explain to him when he's older and ask whether he feels as though it should be changed. He doesn't even need to see his birth certificate does he ? You can change his name without changing his birth certificate.

Nicki

But the son knows his own surname and his fathers name already. The only thing he doesn't know about is the recent conviction. The birth certificate is a red herring. The son could google his surname or his dad's surname at any point and find out or could be told by a relative.

OP, really how likely is it that a stranger who meets your son in the future will have heard of his father? Other than your ex can you remember the name of any other person convicted for similar offences in your locality? I have to say that I have no idea of the names of anyone living in a ten mile radius of me convicted of any offence, even the really serious ones like rape, murder and child sex offences.

In reality, the people who will know that your ex has these convictions and will remember this by next week will be the people who know him, or know you and your son, already. Strangers will have no clue. Kids at school with your son already know his current surname and won't be looking at his birth certificate to prove a connection with a convicted offender who they probably don't even know about if he doesn't live locally. Newspapers are not allowed to report the names and addresses of children of offenders under the Editors Code and it isn't newsworthy anyway. Similarly TV or radio broadcasts won't do this.

fivetide

meer53 wrote: »

I agree that as your son wouldn't understand why you are wanting to do this at the moment, it would be best to leave it until he's older and can make his own decision. It does seem to be a bit of a knee jerk reaction.

I think the OP has made it clear her son does understand, he is 14 and sounds like he's had issues as a result of this awful man's behaviour.

As was posted on this thread though, one day the son might have questions like "why dad?" that he will want answering, he is quite entitled to walk away again after but it sounds like he won't want to even bother asking.

Likewise, by the time dad gets out of jail, the son will be an adult and if needed can get a restraining order to stop any contact if a 'no' doesn't suffice.

Again, good luck OP. Sounds like you've all been through hell and you have been very brave in nailing this guy.

Mojisola

19lottie82 wrote: »

A simple google provides the answer to your question

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/scotland/relationships_s/relationships_birth_certificates_and_changing_your_name_s/birth_certificates_scotland.htm#h_making_changes_to_a_birth_certificate

"The father's name cannot be removed from a child's birth entry if he is the biological father of the child. A father's name can only be removed from a child's birth entry if it has been established in court that he is not the biological father of the child."

MCMitten wrote: »

As for removing his father from the birth certificate, my son has had no contact with him for many years and I very much doubt he will want to have any kind of association with him... Even more so if he knows the full story given the way he feels about his father just now, I doubt whether this would bother him.

However good your reasons for wanting to distance your son from his father, you still won't be able to get his name removed from the birth certificate.

It's very hard when you have an association with a criminal but there won't be many times when he has to produce his full birth certificate so it shouldn't be a problem for him.

Spendless

fivetide wrote: »

Plus the only association will be if people are told. There are a whole world of Nilson's out there etc. Unless it is a very uncommon surname or he happens to have exactly the same name as his biological father, there is no reason anyone should ever know.

Nicki wrote: »

OP, really how likely is it that a stranger who meets your son in the future will have heard of his father? Other than your ex can you remember the name of any other person convicted for similar offences in your locality?

Even if he has the same name as his father I agree with what Nicki has said.

My friend is married to a man called Peter Sutcliffe, we also live in Yorkshire and are only about 20 miles away from where he was arrested. I've asked my friend how people react to her husband's name and she says a younger generation don't bat an eyelid as the name becomes less and less in the public eye the younger generation aren't aware of the story.

mountainofdebt

OP if its possible download from itunes (its free) a broadcast of In the Psychiatrist's Chair when Dr Anthony Clare interviews Gitta Sereny - listened to it last night and what she has to say may be very relevant to your problem

Tiddlywinks

I have a different take on this...

If your son doesn't have the capacity to understand what your ex has done then surely there is no need to change his name?

Are you sure you're not doing this for yourself because you don't want to be associated with your ex via your son?

Your son deserves the truth and not some tale cooked up now which will later come out as make-believe.

I think this is about you more than your son.