Can you invite one and not the other?

74jax

We don't mind in the slightest being invited singularly, I also did this for my wedding, just invited people I knew, not their partners if I didn't know them.

Hubby and I have loads of different friends so it really doesn't seem odd to us .

GobbledyGook

I think for a family occasion like a birthday then family couples should be invited. Friends who are friends of the couple should be invited as couples also. People who don't socialise with the couple as a couple I'd think it ok to invite singularly (so if it's Jimmy's birthday I'd think it perfectly ok to think all his darts team mates without their wives/partners - or for Mary's birthday inviting all the WI ladies without their husbands/partners is fine).

I don't think inviting one half of a couple is going to help the parking situation in the slightest - how many people really take two cars to the same event?

The child thing is just bizarre. Surely he should be coming to family events with his father? Rather than being invited by himself?

Fredula

Reminds me of my wedding.

We wanted a small wedding purely because we wanted to get married, had a newborn and were living with my parents to save money to buy our own place. Our parents had contributed a bit towards it. We wanted to invite close family, and hubby's Dad has 5 brothers and a sister. We couldn't afford to invite 10 extra people to our small pub lunch, which meant that hubby's Mum's only sister wasn't invited either - The sister got very offended and apparently his Mum and Aunt's relationship hasn't been the same since. I still, to this day, don't understand what her problem was/is. It's just made all family gatherings since very awkward when we are in the room together.

All we had was our parents, hubby's grandparents and our brothers, and our kid, ofc.

pollypenny

Her son is separated from the child's mother, so they are not a couple. Simple.

The child comes with his father.

SavingPennies_2

AubreyMac wrote: »

That's fine if you're adults.

My friends grandson is a child though (6 years old). His mother believe they come 'as a package' so should be invited if he is.

Then she's just being awkward. Nothing wrong with dad taking child to family parties, surely she isn't with mum 100% of the time.

sassyblue

Regardless of your helping if the organiser wants couples there you do as she wants.

Besides, you'd cause no end of trouble inviting only one person out of a couple, it's rude. Unless your friend has stipulated it's a girls/boys night only.

meritaten

I would feel it would be pretty shabby to just invite one half of a couple to a back garden BBQ. just invite where you know both halves of the partnership?

maman

ska_lover wrote: »

Bit tricky - Inviting one half of a couple is a bit like playing favourites and bound to put someone's nose out of joint.

OP, this sounds like a (mainly) family BBQ - am I right? You say you are helping a relative to organise the BBQ for her husbands birthday. If it IS family that are mainly to be invited, be careful. I say this as you state that your brother in law doesn't ever get invited anywhere

Clearly other members of your family are ''in on'' this social exclusion of your brother in law as he gets ''invited no where'' as he isn't liked within the family. If you don't invite certain family members, they may draw the same conclusion and think they are now the black sheep

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs or why you all dislike the man, but I think it is a shame that you cannot all at least try with the brother in law, because the very fact that her husband does not get included in your family 'do's' must put your sister under a lot of pressure. He is her choice of husband - no one elses. I must say if for some reason my family decided they were not going to invite my husband to gatherings I wouldn't even contemplate attending - as he is 'family' - your sisters.

There doesn't seem much agreement on splitting up couples for a social thing. Different for a work do or nights out with the boys/girls.


Seems that there's more to this.


I think the invitation should go to all couples. If the BIL chooses not to come because he knows he wouldn't want to be there then that's his choice. If you'd prefer to be confrontational and tell his wife he's not welcome then that's your choice but hardly basis for a celebration!


I have a niece who often attends family gatherings alone. That's because her OH is an antisocial misery IMO. He still gets invited but he never comes (although if he did we'd try hard to talk to him). Generally he's gone fishing!


The example of the child isn't comparable. Unless divorces are very amicable, it would be unusual for an ex to be invited. And I wouldn't invite a new girlfriend/boyfriend either until the relationship was established. Unless you're pretty sure it's a long term thing I don't think you take someone to meet all the family.

wiogs

74jax wrote: »

We don't mind in the slightest being invited singularly, I also did this for my wedding, just invited people I knew, not their partners if I didn't know them.

Hubby and I have loads of different friends so it really doesn't seem odd to us .

I thought for a minute it was only me that thought like this.

I, and my OH, often get invited singly to events. No problem with that at all.

AubreyMac

The BBQ was just a small event that's going to happen which made me think of my wedding plans that didn't happen and in particular, my friends grandson.

If you had to keep numbers down due to costs or whatever restrictions, you may have to exclude partners. Then the real question is 'who' that might cause issues. When I was engaged I would have of course invited my fiances brother, but he was then in a new relationship and we hardly knew her. I didn't feel I can justify paying for her to attend when she's only just on the scene (they didn't last long btw).

My friends grandsons mother feels upset that she got on with the family while she was in the relationship with the child's dad and had built up a good relationship with his family and now feels completely cut out. She feels she and her little boy comes as a package. I don't agree with her but I have seen how upset and torn my friend has been.