Can you invite one and not the other?

AubreyMac

I'm helping a relative organise a BBQ for her husbands birthday.

When making a list of who to invite, she reckons if one person gets invited then their partner has to be invited too.

We have to keep numbers down as 1) it's a small house/ garden and 2) there are parking restrictions.

This reminds me of a previous situation where at a party, a friend wanted to invite her grandchild but did not want the child's mother there. Her son had split with her grandchild's mother for several years and her son along with his girlfriend would be at this party. In the end she just had to tell her grandson's mother that she couldn't go but did face a backlash for it.

I'm sure this situation comes up in the organising of any type of party, what do you normally do in this case?

cazziebo

Unless there was an absolutely bulletproof reason, I wouldn't separate couples for a social event. Space isn't that reason; it would be better to just not ask the person than invite them on their own.

lulu_92

AubreyMac wrote: »

a friend wanted to invite her grandchild but did not want the child's mother there. Her son had split with her grandchild's mother for several years and her son along with his girlfriend would be at this party. In the end she just had to tell her grandson's mother that she couldn't go but did face a backlash for it.

I don't see that as an issue. My parents aren't together and my mum wouldn't get annoyed if my sister and I were invited to weddings/parties on my dad's side and she wasn't.

AubreyMac

cazziebo wrote: »

Unless there was an absolutely bulletproof reason, I wouldn't separate couples for a social event. Space isn't that reason; it would be better to just not ask the person than invite them on their own.

Space is a minor thing and I agree isn't a good reason.

I was engaged once and when thinking about who to invite, there were certain people's partners who I wouldn't have wanted there. I didn't get married in the end (that's a different story) so didn't have to actually face that dilemma.

My sister's husband doesn't get invited anywhere, he isn't liked within the family and the feeling is mutual! Luckily, my sister and niece are not bothered as he doens't stop them going anywhere.

Regarding my friends grandchild, this is often a recurring issue every time there is a family function.

AubreyMac

lulu_92 wrote: »

I don't see that as an issue. My parents aren't together and my mum wouldn't get annoyed if my sister and I were invited to weddings/parties on my dad's side and she wasn't.

That's fine if you're adults.

My friends grandson is a child though (6 years old). His mother believe they come 'as a package' so should be invited if he is.

lulu_92

AubreyMac wrote: »

That's fine if you're adults.

My friends grandson is a child though (6 years old). His mother believe they come 'as a package' so should be invited if he is.

We were children at the time, probably about 8 and 6. Her thinking is a bit off in my opinion. If the families got on then fair enough.

Person_one

Not really very nice to invite people to social events without their partners.

Unless it's a single sex thing, or a special interest thing for a specific group, it's really only polite to invite both. If you don't know them well, now's your chance to change that!

Mojisola

AubreyMac wrote: »

When making a list of who to invite, she reckons if one person gets invited then their partner has to be invited too.

This reminds me of a previous situation where at a party, a friend wanted to invite her grandchild but did not want the child's mother there. Her son had split with her grandchild's mother for several years and her son along with his girlfriend would be at this party. In the end she just had to tell her grandson's mother that she couldn't go but did face a backlash for it.

I think it's straightforward with couples - you either have them both or don't ask them.

It gets more complicated with separated families but I don't see why having a son and his child (but not his ex) at a do would cause a problem. His ex was being unrealistic if she expected to go to every event that their child was invited to.

Stephb1986_2

My husband and I come as a package if he isn't invited I won't go and the same for me.

I don't see a problem inviting someone and their child without their ex to a family occasion it's not like the people at the occasion is going to be mean to the child are they.

Izadora

Although it's not ideal, I do think there are occasions where it's perfectly acceptable to invite someone and exclude their partner. If one of my best friends was having a get together and was, for whatever reason, limited to ten guests then why should they have to invite my boyfriend if they want me there and then miss out on being able to invite another one of their friends?

tyllwyd

I agree with other posters - if you try to invite one of a couple only, you are going to upset people. I went to a family wedding about 10 years ago where they had only invited the partners of some family members and not others, and that caused no end of upset.
And I don't think parking restrictions is a good reason for only inviting one person per couple - they are likely to arrive together in one car, so you won't cut down the number of cars. Wouldn't you be better talking to people and asking if they can car share with other guests if possible?