pregnant with no home

indsty

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but he really needs a kick up the ....! By early next year you are not going to be working and he will need to be able to support both you and his child. If he does not show any inclination to get his finances sorted out then you need to think long and hard whether you would, in fact, be better off both financially and emotionally, on your own. This does not mean he cannot be a father, but may mean that you have a lot less stress in your life. Investigate all the possibilities for housing yourself and baby, then you will know where you stand. Best of luck to you and I do hope you can make it work together.

jaylee3

BigAunty wrote: »

The debt free wanabee board on MSE has a lot of experienced, non judgemental posters there. One thing that is repeatedly recommended is to avoid any kind of commercial debt management strategy where they require payment from the debtor and to use the services of charities who are experts in this field and have no financial interest in their clients.

On this forum, we come across many women posting, often with children, where they end up with a man-child who drains their income and energy, a guy who prioritises his own interests and doesn't offer an equal relationship. Quite often, the women suffer from the debts inflicted on the household by going short of basics and the type of attitude where debt isn't seen as an issue can also show itself in other selfish behaviours.

I have to admit, I have known of quite a few women who go without, and can't even afford to have their hair done, or a new outfit from Primark, while their other half spends frivolously on expensive hobbies and interests.

He usually manages to get away with this, because he thinks he has a right to, because he earns more. (Because he works more hours in paid employment.) In reality though, she does many more hours of actual 'work' a week, he doesn't lift a finger in the house, and he spends for England, while she goes without.

hickles69

Marshmallow82 wrote: »

How much is your salary and his salary?

If you're on a low income you may be entitled to some housing benefit

I've just been promoted and on £23k I'm not sure what he is on as never seen a wage slip

FBaby

If you're going ahead and have a baby with him, then he is going to have grow up very quickly, and that starts by not taking the matter in your own hand but putting the issue on the table and together agreeing what's the best thing to do, make a plan, and ensure both stick to it. Don't treat him like a child as clearly, he is happy with this role but ultimately, you will want an equal in your relationship.

The more you look into it on your own, the more reliant on you he will continue to be.

tomtontom

jaylee3 wrote: »

I have to admit, I have known of quite a few women who go without, and can't even afford to have their hair done, or a new outfit from Primark, while their other half spends frivolously on expensive hobbies and interests.

He usually manages to get away with this, because he thinks he has a right to, because he earns more. (Because he works more hours in paid employment.) In reality though, she does many more hours of actual 'work' a week, he doesn't lift a finger in the house, and he spends for England, while she goes without.

And the same can easily apply in reverse - overspending is certainly not unique to men!

marisco_2

kev25v6 wrote: »

Sounds like he not worth hanging around for to be honest. I'd be looking at options of moving out without him and claiming csa from him. Single working parents get a lot more benefits wise than as a couple.

Personally I don't think the OP should even consider any of the above, without first initiating a very frank and open discussion with her partner. Laying their cards on the table and attempting to pull together as a team and work through their problems, could bring about far more benefits than just giving up and walking away from each other. Not least of all for the child they are both bringing into the world. Becoming a single parent should be an absolute last resort, not the first considered option.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

hickles69 wrote: »

He wouldn't even let me have a £2 coin yesterday cos that will render him skint apparently.

You've picked a real winner there to father your child.

BigAunty

hickles69 wrote: »

I've just been promoted and on £23k I'm not sure what he is on as never seen a wage slip

Jesus! You cohabit with someone who is the father of your child and you don't know how much he earns? I assume that due to this cageyness, you also have no true idea of his debts?

Just in case you think you do, please note that we often see posts on this and the Debt Free wanabee board where people find out their partners owe much more than they've confessed to, plus they often have a canny knack of running up more debt while on a debt management scheme.

BigAunty

marisco wrote: »

Becoming a single parent should be an absolute last resort, not the first considered option.

Your post is very sensible.

However, it looks like the OP was pretty much a lone parent in all but name at the point of conception, living with a lazy consumerist man-child who still lives with his parents, who hasn't divulged his income, who she effectively subsidises.

EDIT - if she moves out and becomes the truly independent person that she already is (despite co-habiting, there doesn't seem to be much sharing) then she gets to spend what she earns or is entitled to from the benefits system on herself and her child without being financially exploited, plus should be entitled to 10% of the sperm donor's gross income (whatever that is....).

alias*alibi

hickles69 wrote: »

This week I discovered I'm pregnant at 32 for the first time.

My current situation is that I live in my boyfriends parents guest room as I couldn't afford to private rent for both of us anymore. I have since discovered that we cannot stay until March as initially planned.

So I suggested looking for a small home to mortgage as I thought we were both saving. I have managed nearly 12k altogether but he has only managed £100 and nothing off of his debts. I am angry because now I have to go back to private renting with a partner and child to pay for.

I am really do not want an abortion. I just don't see where I'm going to go from here. My family are as bad with money as my other half so no help there.

Any advice I would be grateful for but I get there's no way out at all is there.

I found myself pregnant at 32, was getting divorced from my husband (not his child) with no savings, having to move out of the marital home and private rent and baby's dad lived 200 miles away. Still renting but my beautiful DD is now 9 and I adore every fibre of her being. I'd rather have her than some mortgaged house to show for my life's efforts.

If you really want it to work it will. It's all about what's important to you at the end of the day. A house or a child that grows up with BOTH its parents.