Brother's Girlfriend Moving In

HPoirot

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I don't expect her to pay for my kids, I never said that. All I asked was what was a nominal payment she should pay.

How do you work out increases in bills when you pay by direct debit? Should she not pay a 1/3 of stuff like the phone, broadband, council tax (as my kids do not affect them).

Gas/electricity etc. as brother and girlfriend stay up all night playing on the computer while me and my girls are in bed. It's not a complete one way street.

My brother has not used the washing machine since he moved in as he never saw the point, i.e. I might as well chuck his clothes in with mine and the girls. And I did this, no bother.

If you insist on being picky about things, then logically you should pay 2/3 of the council tax as you and your kids take up 2 of the 3 bedrooms.

*max*

pollyanna24 wrote: »

True, I have no idea why she wants to move in. Maybe she wants to see how it is living with kids before she has her own, who knows?

I sincerely doubt that's the reason! More likely it's because your brother is basically stuck in this house for the next two years doing you a favour and so if they want to live together, it's the only way they can do it.

I have no idea how this will work. It screams disaster to me tbh, unless you're all super close and she is used to living with children around. Maybe I'm strange, but as a woman living alone at present, I would not even entertain the thought of moving in to a house with an extra adult and 2 kids I'm not even related to. Add to that discussions about monetary contributions...All I can say is good luck!

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

Its just going to get messy if you dwell too much on the nitty gritty of the finances. The most important thing is maintaining good relationships between the 5 of you in an unorthodox and possibly not particularly easy living situation!

I'd hope that if she's a nice person (and you're brother sounds nice, so she should be!) then she'll be appreciative of the chance to live cheaply and will treat you all occasionally, chip in for stuff without being asked and so on.

If the next couple of years aren't going to be very unpleasant, good relationship have to be the priority.

Looking at this from the other viewpoint, if the GF had posted saying that she was moving in and not planning to contribute any money at all to the new household, I wouldn't think she was being fair. There has to be a middle ground which will only be found if the three adults concerned all behave like adults.

Confusedandneedhelp

Mojisola wrote: »

If the next couple of years aren't going to be very unpleasant, good relationship have to be the priority.

Looking at this from the other viewpoint, if the GF had posted saying that she was moving in and not planning to contribute any money at all to the new household, I wouldn't think she was being fair. There has to be a middle ground which will only be found if the three adults concerned all behave like adults.

Agreed with your last statement, she'd be told to contribute.

I think the OP may well have gotten a more positive response if the sense of entitlement wasnt so evident from the posts.

That said, I think rent is still a no-no. as they will be sharing a smaller space for the same price as a larger space. the GF can pay towards her brothers payments if she wants

pollyanna24

Again, thanks for everyone's comments. You all have certainly made me see it from other people's views.

Like I said, I'm not trying to make money from her and don't want to charge unreasonable amounts, but it was my brother who said that she wanted to pay something (which no matter how many times I'm told that she shouldn't), I think she should contribute a little bit instead of living somewhere for free.... but, I will let them come to a decision and see where it goes.

I do see the point about give and take, whereas my brother has had to put up with my girls for three years, but he moved into the house knowing this. Her moving in has thrown a curveball (one I admit I should maybe have seen coming, but anyway...)

That he has subsidised me for three years (albeit he has had a few perks like no cleaning anything etc. (please don't start on the whole I have two kids, they make mess - doesn't mean he shoudln't use the dishwasher occasionally).

So I will see what they say. And go from there.

pollyanna24

And I will try to let go of the whole sense of entitlement. I will do my best. Just a tad hard when I've lived there for 8 years, but yep, I do see everyone's points on that.

StuC75

depends how the facts were presented, had it been -

"Moving in with the Boyfriend and his Sister (&her 2 kids), where he currently pays 50/50 on the bills, that presently there a lot of the time anyway, and will not really increase the bills (maybe just in terms of food and water if metered - electric is using different appliances - but most would be the same - i.e. gas & electric would change so much!)"

Then most would say discuss the amount with the partner and how you may want to use that as a means for building up savings , that its not a reason for his sister to profit from. And that the GF would need a contingency in case had a period of time of no tenant in her property. Since the GF would have her 'own room'\exclusive space then its hard to see how the cost of being a lodger should be taken by her..

Mojisola wrote: »

If the next couple of years aren't going to be very unpleasant, good relationship have to be the priority.

Looking at this from the other viewpoint, if the GF had posted saying that she was moving in and not planning to contribute any money at all to the new household, I wouldn't think she was being fair. There has to be a middle ground which will only be found if the three adults concerned all behave like adults.

DevilsAdvocate1

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Thats the way everyone except the OP see's it.

The OP see's a meal ticket because the GF earns more money than she does.

I don't totally agree with this. If she is away every weekend, then her and her children are only in the house 5 days a week. And as most people are out at school / work through the week they are perhaps not using as much utilities as the brother.

Personally, I think she should pay some rent. Who lives rent free anywhere? When I got my first job I paid board to my mum of £60 a week, so that was £240. Why shouldn't this woman pay towards her keep?

tea_lover

I find it interesting that in this thread you refer to your brother's partner as his gf and imply that things are not that serious between them.

pollyanna24 wrote: »

To be honest, I think it would be better if we sold up now, but I simply can't afford to buy a place on my own, so brother has agreed that he will give me a couple of years (plus I suppose he wants to see what his gf is like living with before they properly commit and stuff).

Yet in your previous thread on the same subject you say he's recently got engaged and it's his fiancee that will be moving in.

pollyanna24

tea_lover wrote: »

I find it interesting that in this thread you refer to your brother's partner as his gf and imply that things are not that serious between them.



Yet in your previous thread on the same subject you say he's recently got engaged and it's his fiancee that will be moving in.

Okay, I apologise. Yes they have recently got engaged, but an engagement and a wedding are two completely different things. It's easy enough to get engaged. Still doesn't change that they haven't actually been going out that long.