Advice please - relationship & friends.

Morglin

DJS1988 wrote: »

So you think it's ok moving forward with our relationship that when he goes out with his friends, his partner is not allowed to be there? Not because of something she's done either, just "because".

That's not a situation either of us are prepared to accept.

"allowed"? :think:

No, your BF doesn't have to agree to see them at all, although he may want to - he can just go out with the bloke, whatever he chooses to do.

You don't like her, she doesn't (obviously) like you - why would you want to socialise?

Let him go on his own, you do not need to be there, if he sees mates!

Lin

ska_lover

I was going to say similar to Torndaos first paragraph

This woman sounds like the kind of woman that has no genuine female friends, one of those tarty pieces that claims that she ''has always got on better with men (than women), because they are less b1tchy''. IMO this is often said by women who prefer male attention - as opposed to genuine friendship.

Just by existing, you are another female in the mix, and it is taking the limelight off of her as she isn't the only female anymore. She hates the fact that you infringe on her having the two boys to herself.

She/They are deliberately trying to undermine you and do not even class you as an important part of your OH life..they just see you as ''there'' temporarily - and see their own ties with him as far more important than yours

She was likely gloating when you and your OH were having an argument.

tea_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

So you think it's ok moving forward with our relationship that when he goes out with his friends, his partner is not allowed to be there? Not because of something she's done either, just "because".

That's not a situation either of us are prepared to accept.

I thought it was her birthday you weren't invited to? She can invite/not invite who she wants to that. That's not to say I think she's behaving in a mature or pleasant manner.... but you can't expect everyone to like you just because of who you go out with.

FWIW I think you're making this a far bigger deal than it really is. You two (as in you and her) don't particularly get on... that's life. Leave your OH to socialise with them when he wants to, you don't always need to be there. I think creating a big sit-down occasion to talk it all over is massively OTT.

ska_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

I'm very aware they are out for her birthday next weekend, and I feel it's a ticking timebomb to an argument between he and I if we have not sat down with them, yet he still wants to go out (I, of course was not invited).

Just her, her partner and your OH, for her birthday celebrations? You were not invited? is that correct

DJS1988

Tornadao - thank you. Your entire reply is correct and you're right that I need to stop rising to it.

Morglin - yes "allowed" is the right word. They tend to organise things with other friends, and host at theirs a lot of the time. Therefore, going forward I won't be invited/allowed to any of these things. Again - it's a mixed group of couples - why should I be pushed out and my boyfriend have to either go alone, or miss out on time with his friends so that he doesn't upset me?

Tea Lover - it's her birthday next weekend, but the other things I have been left out of were just general meet-ups, that she was instigating.

To add - I get on well with the other girls in the friendship group, but they have all known each other a lot longer and I don't feel it's a good thing for me to confide in any of them how I am feeling, that will just make the situation worse.

I appreciate everyone saying a meet-up isn't a good idea - but this guy, and therefore his girlfriend are going to be in my partners life - which means my life and I would much rather clear the air and be able to co-exist, than have things as they are currently.

ska_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

I have seen texts she's sent having digs about me to my partner. I don't really want him being around someone whom thinks that's ok to do and is so toxic. .

Sorry to keep posting, I am just reading more

Do you feel that this girl is a threat to you, in some way?

DJS1988

ska_lover wrote: »

Just her, her partner and your OH, for her birthday celebrations? You were not invited? is that correct

No - the whole friendship group. Bar myself who was not invited.

Which, given circumstances I would not expect to be, however, I do feel this is the point where we either sit down beforehand and we iron out certain things, and myself and my partner make it clear such behaviour is unacceptable, or my boyfriend does not attend to make the point hit home.

He's already told them in no uncertain terms he's with me, I am part of his life, and they need to understand that's how things are, or he won't be around much. Yet it has continued.

I think that would show me they aren't real friends if they can't respect that - he hasn't seen that thus far.

DJS1988

ska_lover wrote: »

Sorry to keep posting, I am just reading more

Do you feel that this girl is a threat to you, in some way?

Not in a "she's going to steal my man way". I am confident enough in myself, him and our relationship to know that even IF she has a thing for him, it wouldn't matter.

I do however feel she has a bit of a vendetta and if she feels she can dig me out to my partner by text where I could see - what is she saying to him face to face, or to other friends.

ska_lover

That is really uncool - they are certainly attempting to drive a wedge between you. Has your OH mentioned you coming, to them, such as ''Is there enough room at the table for DJS'' - their reaction may surprise him

ska_lover

DJS1988 wrote: »

Not in a "she's going to steal my man way". I am confident enough in myself, him and our relationship to know that even IF she has a thing for him, it wouldn't matter.

I do however feel she has a bit of a vendetta and if she feels she can dig me out to my partner by text where I could see - what is she saying to him face to face, or to other friends.

Yeah, sorry I didn't mean in a man stealing way, you come across as confident - just in the belittling way. Like when someone talks b1tchy about someone - what they are looking for is agreement, if you see what I mean - she wants your OH to agree with her

I couldn't imagine my friends belittling my husband, I would loose my friendship with them very quickly if they did