Advice please - relationship & friends.

DJS1988

z.n wrote: »

Personally I would expect him to cut things down to boys only nights out if the situation is not sorted.

This is ultimately the last thing I would want to have to say as I don't want to tell him who he can and cannot see, but yes, if she cannot be sensible and get over her (still unexplained) issues with me then it has to boil down to this. Or our relationship becomes unhappy, which I am not prepared for.

Morglin

I don't see the need for all this drama - you and the other women don't get on, which is fine, but when he goes to see them, you go out with your mates.

Cancel them on social media so you don't have yo read anything.

Dislike can happen, best just to adjust to it. Lack of respect can also happen, but it's not worth getting stressed about.

Sorted - no need for a chat they obviously don't want or anything else.

Lin

trolleyrun

Sounds to me that this girl has the hots for your BF. She knows she can't have him, but doesn't want anyone else to have him either so she tries to sabotage every relationship he has. Whence the constant talk of his exes, trying to make you feel uncomfortable. Not inviting you to places, being disrespectful etc etc.

You do need your BF to back you up and tell her that her behaviour is not appropriate, especially regarding the texts and slagging you off. He probably finds it difficult to see, as when we spend a lot of time with some people, we tend to grow a bit immune to certain behaviours, and saying things like "Oh, she's not being rude, it's just Doris". We've all heard it at some point.

Good luck with getting it sorted, and wish you happiness with your BF

dandelionclock30

Morglin wrote: »

I don't see the need for all this drama - you and the other women don't get on, which is fine, but when he goes to see them, you go out with your mates.

Cancel them on social media so you don't have yo read anything.

Dislike can happen, best just to adjust to it. Lack of respect can also happen, but it's not worth getting stressed about.

Sorted - no need for a chat they obviously don't want or anything else.

Lin

This, just cut them out of your life completley and block them on facebook. Ask your boyfriend not to talk about them to you again because your not interested and get on with your own life.
It sounds like its a bit claustrophobic for your boyfriend having these so closely involved in his life.
If this woman has been taking the P out of you to your face and disrespecting you whats your boyfriend beig doing? If hes been just sat there then I would be flicking him off as well. It all sounds a bit immature to me.
Shes sound manipualtive and a sXXX stirrer and is baically getting off on playing games and causing trouble. Theres loads of people like this.The best way to deal with these types is to have nothing at all to do with them.

DJS1988

Morglin wrote: »

I don't see the need for all this drama - you and the other women don't get on, which is fine, but when he goes to see them, you go out with your mates.

So you think it's ok moving forward with our relationship that when he goes out with his friends, his partner is not allowed to be there? Not because of something she's done either, just "because".

That's not a situation either of us are prepared to accept.

DJS1988

trolleyrun wrote: »

You do need your BF to back you up and tell her that her behaviour is not appropriate, especially regarding the texts and slagging you off. He probably finds it difficult to see, as when we spend a lot of time with some people, we tend to grow a bit immune to certain behaviours, and saying things like "Oh, she's not being rude, it's just Doris". We've all heard it at some point.

Good luck with getting it sorted, and wish you happiness with your BF

Exactly this. "It's just how she is", is no excuse for rudeness for no reason.

Thank you - this aside we're great, which is why I want this problem to go away!

DJS1988

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

This, just cut them out of your life completley and block them on facebook. Ask your boyfriend not to talk about them to you again because your not interested and get on with your own life.
It sounds like its a bit claustrophobic for your boyfriend having these so closely involved in his life.
If this woman has been taking the P out of you to your face and disrespecting you whats your boyfriend beig doing? If hes been just sat there then I would be flicking him off as well. It all sounds a bit immature to me.
Shes sound manipualtive and a sXXX stirrer and is baically getting off on playing games and causing trouble. Theres loads of people like this.The best way to deal with these types is to have nothing at all to do with them.

I wish it were that easy but these are friends that aren't just going to disappear, and I do not want continued issues going forward. As it stands the way they have made me feel, when we have a place, I won't want them over. The person he wants as best man, I wouldn't even want at our wedding and so on....therefore I have to be the adult and try and get to the bottom of it all. Or at least be the adult and show my boyfriend they're just doing it to be spiteful and get him to theirselves.

He does fight my/our corner, but perhaps not as firmly as I know I would do in the same situation. I appreciate everyone handles things differently but it does cause tension between us when we discuss the situation as I feel he could be a little more protective of me.

slightlyconfused1

DJS1988 wrote: »

So you think it's ok moving forward with our relationship that when he goes out with his friends, his partner is not allowed to be there? Not because of something she's done either, just "because".

That's not a situation either of us are prepared to accept.

To be fair up until now your bf has been prepared to accept this girl treating you badly and sending nasty texts about you. He is also prepared to defend her or else the two of you wouldn't be arguing about the way she treats you.

If he is not prepared to accept you being made to feel uncomfortable by this girl the solution is easy. Neither of you agree to meet up with her together or seperately.

If, as I suspect, he wants to maintain a relationship with her then you should take Lin's advice above.

Alikay

I can't imagine getting together to talk it out would be much use, really and it could make things even more awkward. I've seen situations where friends of both genders and sometimes families can sabotage a relationship if they dislike a partner and it generally continues indefinitely. Might it just be easier if he sees that group of friends without you?

Torndao01

She's playing you like a fiddle. The woman does not like you (she probably doesn't like any woman).

Her plan will be to wind you up, with nasty comments, text and facebook messages. She will try to do anything that will get your back up, eh stay overnight in a hotel with your boyfriend and try to organise his birthday.

When she has wound you up enough, and you have given your boyfriend grief for 6 months and finally lost the plot one night and had a blazing row about it.

She will then sit back say 'I told you so, I could always tell she was a nutter, not wanting you to have friends and losing the plot over it'. Que him thinking she's right, and no more boyfriend.

You are playing right into her hands. You can't change what she is doing and you can't force your boyfriend to see it (she's too good at what she's up to).

I would advise you play your own game. Counter act her moves. Firsly, you stop seeing them, don't stop your boyfriend and don't moan about them. When he rings to say he's thinking of staying over at their's get him to choose to come back maybe using a little female persuasion.

It may take a long time, but as her normal games won't be working she will take bigger and more obvious actions and your boyfriend will be able to see them for himself.

If you continue the way it is, you will appear to be the controlling, nagging, unfriendly girlfriend, she wants you to look like.

Lots of people are very good at these games, so don't blame your boyfriend for not seeing it yet. Also you talk of clearing the air, it takes both parties for this to happen and I don't think it's part of her plan.