Better half of 2014 - all about me

lulabelle

Hey there

Can't believe I've been MIA for a couple of months

I am ashamed to say I bottled it and reversed my resignation. The thought of jumping into the abyss was just too much. It's not too bad at the moment, I just know it's nit what I want to do for the rest of my life so am actively keeping a look out for something else whilst trying to save as much as possible.

In other news, the boy has moved in! We were on holiday a couple of weeks ago and decided it was the right time. We are being sensible though. He's not let his place out yet as we are giving it until end July to check we don't kill each other. On that basis I'm not asking him to contribute to rent or bills yet as he still has to pay all his own but we are splitting food and going out etc

Presuming all ok he will then let his place for 6 months and then we will split everything. Then, all being well, plan is to sell his place, sell this place and get somewhere together!

supersaver1000

Really pleased to hear your news and that you are okay. :):)

lulabelle

God, so, am still hating work and finding I am very depressed. In fact, the only times I am really ok are Friday nights and Saturday mornings, after that, the countdown back to work begins and I'm totally down.

I've made enquiries re other jobs but it's all bleak. 1 was a no as they have already recruited for the role in another jurisdiction, 1 was not looking at the moment, have had no reply from another and another was a no as I didn't have right experience (which was actually bull - it was cos one of my exes runs the shop!)

It's just frustrating that with all my qualifications I can't seem to walk into a job. Though I guess that's not true - I could easily get something but it would be at a massive salary reduction

Earlier this year I was willing to drop but now I feel I can't. The boy and I are thinkjng of buying somewhere together next year. To get what we want we need my salary to be able to borrow (we wouldn't be over stretching by borrowing that because we'd be paying what we are both paying now in mortgages anyway but we do need my salary to increase what we can borrow)

I just don't know what to do. I know I hate this and don't want to progress long term but getting out doesn't seem viable

lulabelle

So, I think I've come up with a plan. I've fixed the interest rate on my flat in UK at 1.89% for 2 years which serves 2 purposes: 1) it means I avoid any increases due to rate rises and 2) saves me over £110 a month in mortgage repayments.

The boy has been living here for almost 2 months now, paying only for gas/electric (not been splitting that, just contributing to the 'extra') but not paying to live here as his place empty and he's still paying his own mortgage. He's going to let that now though so hopefully by end of year, if not before he'll be splitting everything with me.

I am aiming to work until the end of the year, saving every possible penny I can to enable me to take some time off to rest, get fit and re-charge my batteries and figure out what I want to do

I probably can't claim benefits during that time as will have given up voluntarily though my doctor may well say it was on health advice (when she signed me off with stress in January she said the next time she saw me she wanted me to tell her I'd quit as I couldn't carry on this way). Claiming is controversial I know but I've paid tax and NI since I started work in 2001 and figure I've earns claiming a few months benefit when I'm exhausted and unemployed

lulabelle

Not sure how much more I can take. I have to get out. Tonight I thought about throwing myself down the stairs just so I didn't have to go in tomorrow. This morning I was so upset I started stabbing my arm with my (very long) fingernails and I'm losing my hair again. It has to stop.

Buffythedebtslayer

I know this feeling Lula and I know many lovely friends told me this and now I am telling you this. Go to the doctors tomorrow. Get signed off.

Please remember that you are on brink of the things you have wanted for a long long time. You have a nice partner, you are young enough to start a new career. You can leave this job and have a happy future.

Please go the doctors. This is all said with love and the hope that you will learn from my mistakes ok?

XXX

lulabelle

Thanks bufster. I can't though. We have a trial starting in a week. I'm not doing it myself but am helping and just feel I can't let people down. Mind you, all that's happening at the moment is I'm getting yelled at by the person I'm trying to help.

I have 8 more working days ( poss more if am made to work weekend cos of trial - hopefully won't be all weekend as is not a huge one), then I'm off for 16 whole days and am going away with the boy. Really planning on having a totals break and relax. Then it's 8 working days beige I give my notice. Then 3 months to work but have some holiday to take in that time.

Do need to work it so can save enough to properly take some time off and figure out what to do.

Just feel this profession is destroying me. Wish I could go back to age 18 and change what degree I did

lulabelle

So, got rollocked again yesterday. It used to motivate me to try harder because of learned behaviours when I was small that if I worked harder or was better I'd please my parents more and that equalled love. Strangely, I now think it's making me go the other way, which to me says I really have had enough.

Is it me or do the rest of you also get annoyed when you realise you have to go buy chicken as there's none in the freezer like you though?! It's not going to be much as its shared cost with the boy but still annoying!

On a positive note - trained this morning - only think keeping me sane. 3 more days to get through then the weekend

lulabelle

1 more day until the weekend then hopefully 3 days off. Going to be a tough and full on one tomorrow. Possibly much cake will be needed.

Think I shall have to start a shiny new diary in the new year to keep me in line when I am unemployed!!

lulabelle

haven't been on here in a while but thought it was high time i came back. I am hanging on until 30 oct (with difficulty!) then giving notice. I have to work 3 months notice so means I'll finish end january. I had wanted to finish end of dec but think i'll get screwed on public hols, plus am skiing first week of feb and we needed a new mattress so wanted to work the extra month to pay for it all.

am then taking some time off, to recharge, write, get fit and train for the london marathon (I got a place in the ballot!). So, am trying to save every penny where possible at present.

have got the boy into saving more - he now makes lunch for us to take to work every day, rather than paying extortionate prices for a sandwich (and the rest of the inevitable stuff you pick up at the same time). We now tend to get one of those cooked chickens and bread/rolls - seems to last us all week and can use the carcas for something else. Also borrowed (would normally buy) 3 cookbooks from the library, including 'a girl called jack' and am going to try stuff from there to see if we can start being more frugal with the rest of our eating habits.

he has now found someone who wants his flat for november and december so he should now be splitting everything and hope that we can find someone to take it on in the new year.

do feel more positive now i've made the decision (though obv scared at quitting with no job to go to - but i do really need some time off)