Better half of 2014 - all about me

MarylandCookie_2

Oh Lula sounds like things are crappy for you again. No words of wisdom I'm afraid, Ive spent long enough in crappy jobs, but hoping things either get better, or you get a better offer, you deserve it. Have a lovely weekend, are you seeing your lovely boy? Hope you've got lots of lovely things planned xx

MarylandCookie_2

Hey Lula, just checking how things are for you?

Have a lovely Easter xx

lulabelle

Thanks MC. I've now had 8 days holiday and have 2 left. Been away with the boy which was fabulous. He's just amazing. Haven't turned on my work emails so dreading going back in on tues as reckon am going to get in trouble but I needed a proper break. Plus the boy banned me from checking emails and from even talking about work as he realises how unhappy I am

lulabelle

So work hasn't been as bad as I thought this week as nothing had really kicked off whilst I was away. I've been v poorly though, doc thinks I have whooping cough! So am on antibiotics and just exhausted all the time.

I'm getting a bit depressed about my weight though as been eating loads but unable to exercise due to illness

Things with the boy see good though he's been poorly for about a month now. I think we both just want to feel better again

Not going to be a great weekend MSE wise. Need to do a supermarket shop, b**ts stuff which always seems too add up and going to a party sat where booze bill will be split so god knows how much that will be

lulabelle

Work is a bit rubbish. Horrid boss being horrid and trying to wind me up as usual but thankfully I only have one minor file with him and working with the nice boss. Have to focus on that

After a course of antibiotics I'm finally almost better! I now have 8.5 weeks before hols to get into shape. Trained with trainer this morning and have notched him up to 3x per week. Not v MSE but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Not had any cake or chocolate or biscuits for 2 days despite there being loads in the house and at work - that's prob the longest I've gone without since I was about 3!!!

Things with the boy are great but I have to stop my insecurity

lulabelle

Horrid boss away for a week - yay! The office is a different place when he's not there casting a big black cloud over it. Working hard for the nice boss but we seem to be getting on well and he seems to think my work is good which is good

Not doing brilliantly training wise so need to sort that

Things with the boy are good and only 9 working days then I have a 3 day weekend, 3 working days and another 3 day weekend!

lulabelle

Trained this morning - not very MSE as £30 but glad I went

Work is pretty hardcore as having to do two peoples jobs (person who is supposed to be making my life easier is useless) but as usual, no more money

Boy is ace. So so funny, such an easy fun yet serious too relationship and could not ask for more, just hope it doesn't go t1ts up!!!

lulabelle

So it's back to the usual - I hate my job and want to leave but am scared to do so. Given I'm now working with the nice boss and given everything outside my work life is great, I've come to the conclusion that it csnt be the place I'm living, or the people I work with, it must be the actual core job.

If I'm honest with myself I've known this since I started training in 2001. I'm surprised I've got this far to be honest. I always felt I didn't "get it" when my fellow trainees did.

I do recall saying to the junior barrister who was helping us with big trial last year on way to court - "why am I doing this to myself, I hate it"

It's such a tough decision and I'm scared. This is all I've ever known and I worry I can't do anything else. Also, it has obviously enabled me to get out of debt and be in a pretty solvent position though like everyone else, I have a mortgage and bills to pay

It's allowed me to lead a lavish lifestyle of fancy dinners out, clothes, holidays and possessions and all that will have to go. I worry that I won't be able to save for the future but then tell myself if I carry on I may not have a future

This week I was in tears again, had an anxiety attack, acid reflux and my hair has started falling out again. I have been very depressed again and surely it can't be worth it

I'm 36. No kids, so just me to worry about. My decisions won't affect anyone else so I feel I have to act now. The longer I leave it the harder it will be to get out either due to age or, say the boy and I work out and have a kid or two, I'd then have responsibilities and would probably feel I couldn't start again taking effectively around a 40-50% pay cut. If I leave now, things aren't going to develop with the boy for at least a couple of years so I'd have time to get foot in door and work way up in a less stressful profession

Plus, it's not like when I leave my qualifications and experience disappear - if I feel I've made a mistake it would be so easy for me to walk into another legal job here

Any advice would be greatly appreciated guys. I'm really at breaking point re this work !!!!!

lulabelle

So, tonight I typed and signed my letter of resignation giving 3 months notice and dated tomorrow. I'm giving notice tomorrow. I'm absolutely petrified. I'm quitting with no job to go to whilst trying to start in a new field

But I HAVE to get out. Keep feeling anxious and sick and scared but ultimately i KNOW this is not what I want to do for rest of life so need to stop moaning about it and take action

Trained today and Monday too

stressed.mum

Lulubelle, sorry you are having a hard time at the moment, but well done for getting up the courage to leave. Fingers crossed something new comes up soon xxxx