Better half of 2014 - all about me

lulabelle

Well, I'm up for training even though I don't feel like it. I'm a bit worried by how this depression has hit me, it's like a big black cloud so I'm hoping that exercise will help

lulabelle

I do feel a bit better after exercising even though I feel I shouldn't be spending on a trainer if I'm saving to get out of the law. Having said that, I csnt completely cut everything out and am going to be stopping going out for as many dinners. I am now counting the weeks until I can give notice

Buffythedebtslayer

lulabelle wrote: »

So much for coping with my depression. I was signed off this morning until Monday. The doctor wanted me to be off for a couple of weeks but have a client returning from holiday Monday who needs me so I just can't

I'm not quite sure why this depression has hit me again other then this keeps happening and I think I have to get out. When I spoke with my mum last night she said I have been saying for ages "I'll just hang on until x", then it was "I'll just hang on until y" and then I just stay

I can't carry on. I'm losing my hair again. This time it's not because I've got too much work, it's because I have too little which is stressful in itself and I just absolutely hate litigating every day for a living. When I look to the future all I see is it getting harder as the older I get the bigger the cases I'll get and the more stress and pressure there will be. Yes I will be loaded if I stay and the sky's the limit as far as earnings go but it's not worth it in my view

Thankfully, unlike years ago, I have no debt (thank god I didn't get a new car!) and I do have savings and a back up plan of another property I can sell (it has a mortgage but substantial equity) if I need to. I have worked out what I can drop to and survive on without having to dip into savings and figure if I can hold out until end of March then give my notice and work my 3 months, that's another 5 pay packets and if I'm frugal for those 5 months I ought to be able to save enough to cover my bills (not food or spending) for 9 months (and my plan is not to quit until I have another job but at least i know I have the option)

I feel relieved but scared. I will be starting again at something entirely new but that's also exciting in some ways. I partially feel like a failure though - think I've always been pushed to achieve and taught status is important (and it's not, we are all buried in the ground in the same way, or cremated if that's your thing) so feel am letting my father down as he is so proud of where I am in life. But I can't think like that or care what others think, I just want a job I don't dread every day

Other than that, things going well with the boy - am proper falling for him which scares the hell out of me. Met his family at the weekend!!

I think this post is really brilliant, you have a PLAN. A way forward. this is great.


And as for your Dad, well you did it, you have this job, you do it really well but long gone are the times when people stay in the same job. Of course you can change jobs.


and the boy sounds promising. I really admire you you know!I cannot bring myself to bother- well if I am honest the thought terrifies me.


I know you must have been feeling terrible but really you have a way forward Lula. well done XXXXXXXX

lulabelle

Thanks bufster. Things have accelerated somewhat and I've decided to give notice end feb and take June, July and maybe August off. I think I need a bit of time for me to recharge the batteries. I am scared but also relieved. I'm just not happy and having been for a long time.

Met rest of boys family today. I'm quite scared now as I have really fallen for him. Hope this one doesn't go t1ts up!

supersaver1000

Good for you Lulabelle. I'm looking back to this time a year ago and thongs have amazingly worked out. The energy I have means that even thoug DD is about to leave a really well paid job to become self employed, I am taking it in my stride. This time last year I would have crumbled.

You are a strong woman and you'll see, it will work out. Don't worry about your boy. If it will be it will be. He is obviously smitten. There's a quote about a wild bird that if you let it free and it comes back then it's truly yours. If it doesn't come back it was never really yours anyway. Have confidence in yourself. Things will be good soon, be patient and look after yourself.

lulabelle

Thanks SS. It is amazing how things can change isn't it?! I never thought I'd actually leave the law but I am doing. I think I had to be ready to though and I wasn't before for whatever reason. But I think I've changed so much as a person from when I started out that it actually doesn't suit me as the person I am now. I think I used to use my "status" as a shield and to kind of boost my self esteem as I never felt pretty enough and so figured that was an area I could really excel. Now I think I have a lot more self confidence that I just don't need that "badge" to prove my worth anymore

lulabelle

Ran Monday night but only 2 miles. Set out with intention of doing 7-8 but legs were so heavy. Mind you, I struggled getting out the door if honest so suppose 2 better than nothing!

Trained with trainer this morning even though I really wanted to stay in bed - glad I went and can't wait for that "sore" feeling to hit (clearly I'm a sadist)

Getting out of law is not proving as easy as I'd hoped. At least not for the salary I've set as the minimum I can survive on. So not quite sure what to do. Feel I'm coping better this week but met with friends husband lasts night (the one I always take advice from) and he says there may be ok periods but work (and what I don't enjoy - court) is never going to change so I need to get out

Have coffee today with someone I know who runs the type of company I'm looking to get into and is looking for someone with a legal qualification. Think that would be a foot in the door to the industry I think I want to work in and salary would probably be good but my gut is saying that I'd be dumped with all his work whilst he went off gallivanting (he's a bit of a playboy type) and that it would not be good for my stress levels

lulabelle

So, have been offered the job though don't know what the salary is but suspect a drop. My gut instinct says don't take it. Plus I took some advice from someone at work yesterday who has been around the block. They were of the opinion that I needed to be honest with the others that litigation is too stressful and suggested because they are 60 and winding down, that I might want to start taking over their work and clients. Had a frank conversation with senior partner and told him I was struggling with the stress. I think they had noticed. Made the suggestion of taking over other persons work with a view to getting out of litigation long term. He has to speak to the others but thinks that might be a good idea. If it works, the situation would be ideal as would stay in same job on same salary and benefits (30 days hol, parking space and private health) but without as much stress. At the end of the day, unless I take some sort of admin job then there's always going to be some stress in whatever I do. That's why you get paid well. This way, it reduces the stress probably to acceptable levels. Just hope they go for it

lulabelle

Seems they are going for it! This is great! Means that I can continue in my role but with much less stress. Plus I'm basically being handed a whole client base this chap has built up over 40 years!

Missed training this morning as was so knackered last night I needed the 11-12 hours sleep I had. Staying in tonight - was invited to a drinks thing but need to run 8 miles tomorrow plus cooking for the boy so thought I'd stay in. He's out for a curry tonight. So have only spent £9 on take out and that will do tomorrow's lunch too. Had I gone out tonight we'd have ended up drinking loads and going for food and reckon could easily have spent upwards of £60

Am actually tempted to go to bed in a minute! Last night I was in bed at 730 too!

Maryland_Cookie

That's great news on the job, everything is coming together for you :j