Better half of 2014 - all about me

Maryland_Cookie

Hey great news on the training front, you're doing really on your running. I can't get back into it, although I'm training hard at the gym: just done an abs class and then spinning fit an hour, I'm shattered!

Not so great news on the work front, hope you get something sorted with the (horrible) partner.

And fab news on the boy front, although you don't sound sure???

lulabelle

Hey MC, your gym classes sound great though - am envious!

Still not tackled the pay issue and they put new salaries through yesterday. Think I'll do it next week though as can't face it this week and they can always backdate it

Might have pow wow over weekend with gay Bessie to work out how best to approach

Re the boy, I think I worry too much about what others think: I'm used to going out with older, powerful men and I think I'm drawn to those types to make up for characteristics I feel I'm lacking. The boy is 5 years younger and whilst not shy or quiet is not an alpha male in that sense. He's really lovely though - he was away for work for 2 days so brought me back some chocolates - he's very thoughtful and that's what I like. So I think I need to let this happen as think he is a keeper

lulabelle

Omfg I'm really into the boy!!! Not quite sure what changed last night but now can't stop thinking about him or wanting to be with him and it's scaring the !!!! out of me!!!

Maryland_Cookie

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! That's so exciting!!! I love that feeling! XxX

lulabelle

Been a tough week so far.

Was an incident at work on Monday where I did something I shouldn't have (a reaction by me to someone being rude but I should know better). I ended up apologising which I think has sorted it but it made my Monday rubbish. I was very tempted to come home and hit the bottle but instead I forced myself to hit the road and run 6 miles!!

Yesterday was a little better thought I didn't sleep great last night and am now up for training. Really could do without training but going to a family wedding in the summer where there will be lots of glamorous women so every time it feel like rolling over and going back to sleep I say the name of where the wedding is going to be to motivate me to get up and train!!!

lulabelle

Things also going well with the boy. He's coming round tonight and I'm cooking. Keep getting scared it's all going to go wrong though. He met my mates fri night and they really liked him and thought he was a genuine bloke. He cooked for me Saturday and went to a massive effort - so sweet.

lulabelle

Last night went well with the boy. Shocker of a day at work plus dentist and injections this morning meaning the whole left side of my face collapsed has not for a good day made! Didn't go for run tonight as face sore and feeling exhausted and didn't sleep great last night so have moved training session to Monday though will run 7 miles sat.

Then I just must must start making sure I get my mid week runs in!

To cinema with the boy tomorrow night followed by take out. Run 7 sat am then need to get a few things for the house (all budgeted for), boy is out early doors with friends sat night then coming here for cheese and wine

Sun I've no plans as all my mates are away this weekend so will prob try to do some organising round the house and rest up a bit

January is poo - don't have any time booked off until start April and not sure I can last that long hit by same token, don't just want to "waste" a week not doing anything. Maybe I could take a day or two off and just have a long weekend end of feb or something - just something to keep me going from the monotony of being in that damn office 5 days a week, week in week out!!!

Docs tomorrow am - think she will be impressed that I've been coping with any depression I get (I tend to get reactive depression so the drugs don't work) by exercising

lulabelle

So much for coping with my depression. I was signed off this morning until Monday. The doctor wanted me to be off for a couple of weeks but have a client returning from holiday Monday who needs me so I just can't

I'm not quite sure why this depression has hit me again other then this keeps happening and I think I have to get out. When I spoke with my mum last night she said I have been saying for ages "I'll just hang on until x", then it was "I'll just hang on until y" and then I just stay

I can't carry on. I'm losing my hair again. This time it's not because I've got too much work, it's because I have too little which is stressful in itself and I just absolutely hate litigating every day for a living. When I look to the future all I see is it getting harder as the older I get the bigger the cases I'll get and the more stress and pressure there will be. Yes I will be loaded if I stay and the sky's the limit as far as earnings go but it's not worth it in my view

Thankfully, unlike years ago, I have no debt (thank god I didn't get a new car!) and I do have savings and a back up plan of another property I can sell (it has a mortgage but substantial equity) if I need to. I have worked out what I can drop to and survive on without having to dip into savings and figure if I can hold out until end of March then give my notice and work my 3 months, that's another 5 pay packets and if I'm frugal for those 5 months I ought to be able to save enough to cover my bills (not food or spending) for 9 months (and my plan is not to quit until I have another job but at least i know I have the option)

I feel relieved but scared. I will be starting again at something entirely new but that's also exciting in some ways. I partially feel like a failure though - think I've always been pushed to achieve and taught status is important (and it's not, we are all buried in the ground in the same way, or cremated if that's your thing) so feel am letting my father down as he is so proud of where I am in life. But I can't think like that or care what others think, I just want a job I don't dread every day

Other than that, things going well with the boy - am proper falling for him which scares the hell out of me. Met his family at the weekend!!

supersaver1000

Sending hugs Lullabelle. There's no price on your health. Great to see you are planning. X

lulabelle

Well I wasn't in the mood to see the boy but glad I did. He has no idea I've been signed off or that I have depression as I don't want to tell him, it's too early for that. However, he does know I'm unhappy at work and agrees I ought to change jobs

He's so sweet and thoughtful, he's always picking me up little things he knows I'll like from the shop - costs !!!!!! all, sometimes 20 or 30p but just shows he's thinking of me which I really appreciate. Think I've got a good one here though of course that in itself scares me as makes me feel vulnerable. But it is just nice to have someone who wants to see me yet still has his own life and someone I feel I can trust. I think I might be falling for him big time